Dear Tina,
For four or five years when I was a kid I spent my summers at a park district day camp a few blocks from my house. The camp was fairly predictable in its day to day routine. A few sports here and there, arts and crafts, swimming; one summer I spent a majority of the time playing with my counselor David’s hair. This camp offered what many camps within the park district did yet it had a reputation for being a cut above the rest. It wasn’t because of the counselors. After all, their idea of supervising at the beach was nodding and grunting in agreement when lifeguards asked the campers to stop sitting on each other’s heads in the water. No, the camp’s heart and soul was the camp director, an 8th grade teacher who spent his summers off building what has become regarded as a local institution. He had a unique ability to make you feel responsible and youthful all at once. His storytelling was an art form, his stories legendary. After eight weeks of camp he knew every camper’s name and remembered it when they inevitably returned the next summer. He ran that camp for over 20 years, retiring in 2006. The camp is now run by a former assistant director, and many of the traditions established by this man remain. But it’s not the same, it can’t be. There is a distinct flavor missing, like unsalted popcorn–why bother?
I mention this story amid news that Simon Cowell has decided that this season of American Idol will be his last. I almost hate myself for comparing such a wholesome childhood memory to a man whose nipples so frequently protrude from his American Apparel tees. I don’t regard American Idol with the same sweet sentiment I do those summers. I compare them because they shared the ability to turn what should have been a nonentity into something extraordinary. When the announcement was made that Simon Cowell would be leaving American Idol, the FOX network and American Idol producers were quick to pacify our fears by reminding us that the show is much more than just one personality. Is it? Last season when the directors suffered bouts of amnesia and couldn’t remember how to direct the show within an hour, who was the judge elected to speak on behalf of all the judges? Paula? She’s spend the 30 seconds she had trying to locate Ryan Seacrest. Randy? In eight years the man has yet to find one synonym for pitchy. I won’t even pretend Kara was an option. Watching an episode of American Idol without Simon there to weigh in would be like watching a dress rehearsal. The music, the performers, Ryan’s stature, they’re all the same but we’d feel as though we were being cheated out of the real thing.
I’m sure FOX will show up for season 10, guns blazing, with some huge name in the music industry to replace Simon. What they’re already forgetting is that American Idol was never about celebrities. Simon became a celebrity for his judging abilities. The vice versa in this scenario, becoming a judge because of your celebrity, seems self-indulgent on behalf of the producers. In fact the first time they tried to introduce celebrity guest judges to the show it was received as distracting and a waste of vital airtime, much like the sheer shrug Victoria Beckham wore tonight during Boston auditions. Simon’s opinion is really the only one valued on the show and to hear criticisms from his replacement, no matter how famous and influential, would be like listening to your step father lecture you on the value of family. You’re not my dad!
There will be a palpable void when Simon leaves and FOX’s search for a doppleganger will be bleak. Think of all the competition reality shows that enlisted a Brit to serve on their judge panels as the ruthless import. None of these imitations have been able to breathe a fraction of American Idol‘s success into their respective programming.
The show will of course go on for many more seasons without him and people will continue to watch. It won’t be like the XFL that started with 14 million viewers and ended with less viewers than a televised high school talent show. However, no matter what tricks FOX thinks they have up their sleeves for next year, the show will without a doubt lack the spark that turned an overly produced, overly sponsored TV show, into an entertainment sensation.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Tracy: Oh yeah I forgot, Dot Com. You know everything about acting because you played a bird in some stupid school play.
Dot Com: Yes, Tracy. I was Trigorin in The Seagull on the Weslyan Art Space Mainstage.
Dear Tina 