Can I take you out to dinner? Maybe we could hit that BBQ place you puked at. You’ll have to be more specific.

Dear Tina,

Whew it has been a long day, am I right? It started out over styled and flamboyant when I caught Adam Lambert on Oprah. Lost some steam when I put myself through E!’s Fashion Police and listened to Khloe Kardashian Odom repeatedly call herself a married whore. What on Earth does that even mean Khloe? Got a kick in my step when I caught five minutes of an episode of Paula Deen where the theme was cheese. Of course it was. Is there anyone in the world you would rather get a hug from than Paula Deen when life is throwing you lemons? No because she would hug you and simultaneously whip up some lemon squares with a side of fried chicken. Then that baby started crying like a baby and I was never granted access to the remote again.

I guess where I am going with this is that I don’t think my brain will be able to function at a high level of cleverness until I eat dinner and revive it with some nutrients. At the Allen household dinner is served around 9 pm. Sometimes I think my dad is playing a game with me to see how late he can serve dinner before my anxiety takes over and I start silently weeping. Some might say it’s very European of us but I wore sweatpants to work and spent all day driving a minivan so I’m about as American as it gets. When this dinner conflict has taken me away mid-post in the past I usually just write after dinner. Tonight however that would lead to one of two outcomes. I would either fall asleep in the middle of writing or simply offer a one sentence recap of The Good Wife: I wish my hair looked like Julianna Margulies’s. Neither of which are ideal so  instead I will treat you to a great moment in television, originally airing on Comedy Central, to replace what should have been a thoughtful piece on…something. Alright it’s official, I think 80% of me is asleep. This clip brought to you by your future co-producer. Look at that, I’ve already promoted myself in my own blog and we’re not even through with the first month yet.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Jack: The stutter got so bad I was taken out of my grade and put in the special class, held in the boiler room. My only other class mate was named Gilly. He’d fallen though the ice as a child and was technically dead for 57 minutes. They told us to sweep sawdust so we could find work at a mill.