Dear Tina,
Before I could even get my fist pumped all the way in the air, Jersey Shore ended last night, much to the chagrin of juicehead chasers everywhere. I think the hardest part for me was when I caught myself experiencing pangs of jealousy as these seven strangers picked to live in a house reminisced over their time together. I don’t mean to say that it was hard, like emotionally taxing. I mean hard like it’s hard to understand why I wish I had gone through this experience with them. Hard like a conundrum. Like Trigonometry. Or The Situation’s triceps. I have always said that the people who willingly sign up for shows like The Real World or The Bad Girls Club must be extremely narcissistic and self-loathing to flaunt what is bound to be the worst side of themselves for television entertainment. We all enjoy a nice social venture with cocktails every now and again but most of us are mindful enough not to invite along a camera crew. You know who else doesn’t want a camera crew following you around while you’re in your 20s? Your future children.
So I’m not sure why exactly I make an exception for the cast of Jersey Shore especially since so many of them provided all new insight into douchebagery. I think the answer is twofold. One, as I have said before, they don’t shy away from their intentions or try and portray something that they’re not. I truly believe had the cameras not been rolling, The Situation would have been equally creepy, Snooki would have worn just as many trucker hats, and Sammi would have stroked her extensions just as many times. Normally I don’t applaud people for embracing their questionable values. If someone said “I’m going to go punch that guy in the face” and then did it, I wouldn’t say “at least he was honest!” So I take this stance more as a viewer than a human. I’ve seen enough VH1 countdown specials of the craziest reality TV moments to know the tricks people use to get more air time. In this case, the cast genuinely seemed to enjoy each other and their summer much more than they cared about trotting around with MTV.
The second reason is what you might consider the beauty of a first season. The first season of any show, but particularly a reality show because they wrap before the first episode even airs, is that the people participating are going into the experience without any preconceived notions. You turn on The Real World now and the people on it are stereotypes to the 23rd power. We have the gay guy, the black guy, the two white guys who bond over being the two white guys, the small town and/or religious (read: Christian) girl, the girl with a borderline eating disorder, the slutty girl with a boyfriend at home. It’s all the same. I could log onto myspace.com right now and cast the next 10 seasons of the show if need be. With the Jersey Shore the only example to go by were the two True Life episodes that revolved around summer shares on the Shore. And although I’m being very generous here, True Life is much more in the style of a documentary than a reality show (my apologies to Ken Burns). So from start to finish there was no objective, no bar to raise, but their own. They were selected as prototypes and MTV struck gold because the reality of who these people were was exactly what the viewers were hoping for. Had they been carbon copies of a previous hit it would have felt as artificial as the proposals on The Bachelor (don’t hold your breath girlfriend, Us Weekly is already reporting your break up).
This being said the Jersey Shore that we have come to know and love will be tarnished in its inevitable second season. There are two possible directions MTV can take next season. One is to find an all new, freshly tanned group of eight to document for the summer a la The Real World. It may keep things fresh (important) but I didn’t tune into this show to learn about life in Seaside Heights, I tuned in because there was a man on it who had Cadillac tattooed up his side. Plus the new group will be working overtime to prove they are even more outrageous and more hilarious than this past season. Their efforts will be easy to detect and therefore pathetic and not funny. The second option is to film the same group for another season. I don’t want to say this option is worse but these people are now, like it or not, celebrities. They can’t spend their days working in a shirt shop and their nights dancing amongst the crowd at Karma. If and when any of them return to the Jersey Shore, they’ll be the main attraction.
So I don’t know what the ideal solution is. I guess my point is that there really isn’t one. I guess we’ll all just have to accept this and tune in regardless. It’s going to be hard for MTV to maintain a show where filming can only take place during one season. Spin-offs may be inevitable. Spending Thursday nights with the men and women of Jersey Shore was like the first time I got my eyebrows waxed: a pleasure I never saw coming. I don’t agree with a lot of the choices they made but I also don’t agree with Matthew Morrison rapping on Glee. It doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy them.
In honor of the season finale I checked out the internet service “Jersey Shore Nickname Generator.” Mine is Sookie. Doesn’t work for me considering when I think Sookie I think waitress from Bon Temps who has a thing for vampires, not guidette. Tina yours is Hot Spot. You win. You always do.
Line of the night goes to JWOWW for her adoration of all things gorilla.
I see a bunch of gorilla juiceheads. Tall, completely jacked, steroids, like multiple growth hormones. That’s, like, the type that I’m attracted to.
P.S. I just put your name in the nickname generator again and this time you got “The Ashley Simpson of Cape May.” I think that one might stick.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Floyd: Wow! Hot dog times, huh?
Liz: I only eat them on special occasions.
Floyd: What’s the occasion?
Liz: I decided to eat one.
Dear Tina 