Dear Tina,
Tonight was a big night for network television. Joining the American Idol team for the first time was music mogul talk show host Ellen DeGeneres. It was also the first night of Hollywood week, which I love, so it was a good thing I got off work five hours early due to weather conditions so I could ease into my excitement. It also gave me some time to set up my printer and condense the 50 post-its my dad had on the wall of our office into one spreadsheet. The space looks a lot less Beautiful Mind now. So you can see I’ve been quite busy. Tonight’s episode proved to be as delightful as I had hoped and, surprisingly!, because of the singing. Time to discuss.
We begin with a montage. If you don’t watch the show, you should know that American Idol requires a minimum of 7 montages per episode. First a montage of Ellen coming to Idol, then contestants arriving in Hollywood, contestants leaving Hollywood crying, contestants playing instruments badly, a montage of funny commentary from Ellen, memorable contestants being sent home. The list goes on and on. The one classic they missed was the montage of contestants forgetting their lyrics. Mark my words, it’s coming.
Ryan, timid mouse that he is, was continuously filmed on the balcony overlooking the stage whispering to the audience at home what all was going down. What was the reasoning behind that? No one ever actually appeared to be performing while he was doing this. Was it to make the circumstances seem more tense? Did the director momentarily mistake this program for a National Geographic feature filming wild animals in their natural habitat? The tactic was the same, the necessity a bit over thought. They also let Ryan play pretend stage manager for one segment but he declined to wear the headset I assume for fear of looking like one of the employees receiving an hourly wage. All he did was tell one group of singers they were up and to head out to the stage. I bet there were multiple takes on that one.
Adding a new personality to a show like American Idol, there is always some risk involved. Even when the person has proved herself to be extremely popular and current. To ensure that their viewers are just as excited about Ellen’s arrival as they are, the producers were really hitting us over the head with how HILARIOUS she is. And Ellen is funny. But instead of just letting her be funny and letting us enjoy her humor, they had to edit each moment to be followed by shots of the audience laughing uproariously. It was so over the top it almost felt staged. It sounded like the type of laughter you would get if you asked a classroom filled with 3rd graders to laugh as loud as they can and the noise sounds more like screaming than laughing. The reality TV version of a laugh track, if you will. Ellen is an incredibly intelligent woman so I do look forward to seeing how she fares the rest of the season. Particularly the live episodes when judging becomes much more critical. My advice to the producers is to trust that their home audience will find Ellen quite funny, we don’t need assistance to enjoy her.
Before I get to my favorite performances, I just need to get this off my chest. What was Kara wearing? Was it a turtleneck? Was it a scarf? Was it all of the above plus a few random cutouts? I don’t know but I do know that she paired it with a black leather jacket. She looked like Tori from Saved by the Bell. And please PLEASE Kara stop singing along. We know you know the words. We know them too because the only songs anyone ever sings on American Idol are “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” and “For Once in My Life.” So stop that.
Compton Danny Gokey aka Andrew Garcia stole the show with an acoustic rendition of Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up.” The judges took this as an opportunity to talk about Paula as if she were dead. Which she is, in their hearts. “Paula would have loved that! If she were she would be clapping like [gesture indicating speculated pill dependency].” Although I continue to refer to him as the Compton Danny Gokey, Andrew is enormously more interesting because he has that quality that all joe regulars need to become famous. An appealing quality that you can’t define or articulate–you just like him. Like Dr. Drew or Meredith Vieira. Danny didn’t have it. You liked him because he sang well but it didn’t make you want to buy his album because that would mean committing to him as a person. Andrew Garcia I predict is going to go very far in this competition. I hope his next song choice is an acoustic version of Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On.” He’d kill it.
Our resident naive country girl (a position previously held by Carrie Underwood who, when asked if she had seen any stars since arriving in Hollywood responded “no, it’s been pretty cloudy”) Vanessa Wolfe was sent back to Vonore, Tennessee after the first round. During her montage they played “New Slang” by The Shins. Isn’t that a little too hipster for her story? Save The Shins for the contestant who thinks a fedora and black skinny jeans is an original look. I really don’t want to use the word hick because I don’t mean to be hurtful so I’m just going to let you interpret the following ellipsis how ever you like. I mean the girl calls her mom “mama”…
The final two performances of the night were both incredible and featured contestants I hope meet Andrew Garcia in the top 12. The first was Didi Benami who was immediately forgiven for singing a Kara DioGuardi song because of how well she sang it. Normally I hate it when the judges give generic feedback like “I could see you making a record.” I always think, really? Because the pop music genre is so small and defined I’m surprised you can find a place for this young, attractive person. But that is exactly what I thought with Didi. She has a voice and a tone (high five Kara!) that is beautiful to listen to. I would ask that she not wear hot pink tights in the next round. Because she’s not a 14 year old attempting to follow trends from two years ago. The second performance was given by Crystal Bowersox, a single mom with a dream. If she wins, her Lifetime made for TV movie can be the sequel to Fantasia’s. Unimportant observation I would like to share: in the picture of her baby boy I realized that he is a dead ringer for Mikey from Look Who’s Talking. Get on Facebook kid you’re only a couple of days late for Doppleganger week! Crystal sang “Natural Woman” which is actually one of my favorite performances from season 1 performed by Kelly Clarkson. So girl you are in good company. I imagine Crystal making it to the top 12. What I am most curious about with this one is what the Hollywood machine will do to her. No one loves a pop-star-ready makeover more than American Idol.
Tomorrow night Hollywood week continues with the dreaded group performances. You can’t find more crying on television than during this episode. This should appall us. But it doesn’t, so we watch.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Jack: You’re having your reunion this weekend? I wish I had a Princeton reunion right about now. Wipe that smug smile off Michelle Obama’s face.
Dear Tina 