What about me? I just took a bunch of Cialis cause I have big Valentines plans tonight.

Dear Tina,

I worked for 13 hours today so starting this at quarter to 11 wasn’t exactly a well thought out plan. My day began slightly off-kilter when I got out of bed at 6:34. Approximately six minutes before I need to leave my house. And got progressively worse when I left my room, or should I say attempted, and my shoelace got caught in my dresser drawer. How does that happen? Those two things shouldn’t be at matching heights. That’s like getting your hair caught on a door knob. So for all of these reasons and more, I was unable to pack a baggie of cereal for breakfast as I normally do. And I thought, fine, because they have something like Cheerios at their house. Boy did they. They had the “organic” version of Cheerios. I put organic in quotes to imply that it tasted like a foot. This is what I hate about health trends. Don’t try and tell me you are making a more health conscious choice by eating organic puff circles than I am because I eat Cheerios. I know I have already gone on a rant about this. Something you should know about me, I rant things to death (Just ask my friends how I feel about 45 calorie bread). I don’t care what that man tells Oprah, buying organic carbs is ridiculous. Someone should make a message tee about it. I’ll wear it when I go out in 2003.

In response to this week being the week of the sitcom’s “let’s remind the audience how much they want any two characters on our show to get together” Valentine’s Day episode, I have decided I am going to dedicate all weekend entries to different Valentine’s Day episodes that I loved. Love in the way an eighth grader says he loves his girlfriend during a Valentine’s Day dinner at California Pizza Kitchen right before he hands her a gift of bath salts in a dolphin shaped bottle–which is probably one of the most sincerest forms of love in young adulthood. Eligible episodes will only be episodes featured within the last week or so, not from many seasons past. Although the 30 Rock Valentine’s Day episode when Jack picks up a foreign prostitute played by Rachel Dratch was the creme de la creme. Tonight’s 30 Rock will of course be included as any television show that features a character misinterpreting a house plant for Jon Bon Jovi deserves acclaim. For the record and the reminder, had they been given the opportunity, Glee would have killed a Valentine’s Day episode. Why is that show not on right now? Fox. The worst.

Two final notes about Valentine’s Day/Valentine’s Day:

1. When you hear the intro for Black Eyed Peas “I Gotta Feeling” do you panic and think you are being subjected to another preview for the movie Valentine’s Day? I do. Any film that can find a place for George Lopez, Jessica Biel, and Taylor Lautner makes me anxious. In the bad way.
2. If you go see Valentine’s Day on Valentine’s Day, I will judge you forever. That goes for anybody. Ticket sales for Sunday, February 14 should total zero dollars. Have some self-respect.

More to come tomorrow but thank you Tina, a million times thank you, for bringing back Floyd tonight. Albeit brief, delightful nonetheless.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

CC: Whiskey straight up.
Jack: I’ll have a white rum with a diet ginger ale and splash of lime.
CC: Wow, I never would have pegged you for a University of Tennessee sorority girl.