Dear Tina,
Last night Ryan Seacrest sported a “casual Friday” look to guide us through a two hour long look at how the American Idol judges whittled the contestants down from 71 to 24. Did I mention that part of this process simply involved them walking into three rooms where the contestants had been divided and announcing to that room if they had made it or not? And that they allowed this process to take a total of an hour and a half? Therefore they only had time to reveal 7 of the contestants making it to the top 24. Sometimes I think this show is testing me. Trying to push my limits and see how many times Ryan Seacrest can say “here’s how it’s going to work” before I give up on all of them and spend the rest of the spring trying to figure out what’s happening on Lost.
Four minutes passed last night before anyone even sang (this is not an exaggeration, I checked the ticker). Which means that the first four minutes were basically just a voice over that consisted of twenty different sentences indicating Hollywood week was over. “The last song has been sung. The sun is setting in Hollywood. The judges have had their say. I am all out of skinny ties. The stage is now empty.” You know, nonsense like that. The producers or directors or editors–really all of the above, decided to put this episode together from end to beginning and occasionally peppering this layout with actual singing. It was kind of like the first season of Damages except the ending didn’t provide the answer to a complex murder but rather announced results we saw coming 14 minutes into the episode (room 2 would be going home). Speaking of the editing, we need to discuss the use of the echo effect in their post-edit. At first I thought my DVR was skipping–like a record player?–but then I realized when they used this technique on one critique from every judge, that it was a conscious choice on their part. I’m talking “that just wasn’t good enough enough nough ough.” What was your other idea? Star wipe? The echo effect should only be used in memory sequences from Saved by the Bell that are clearly marked by the hot pink outline. I mean, I know that American Idol has a hold on advertisers and Americans alike and can pretty much get away with anything and still maintain more viewers on one night than Ugly Betty has had all season combined. But a little more sophistication for the most successful show on television would be appreciated.
Let’s skip along to the heart of the matter. Why have the judges switched from Coca Cola cups to Vitaminwater Zero cups?? No I jest, the singing! (The answer by the way is Coca Cola owns Vitaminwater. The red cups will return when American Idol goes live. Don’t fret.) The final 71 were given a song book of who knows how many songs to choose from, because about 73% of them picked “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz, and were given one last shot to impress the judges. Or as Ryan announced it: “ONE. LAST. SHOT.”
Siobhan Magnus was one of the first to go. We were reminded, because no one remembers her, that when Siobhan first performed in Hollywood, Ellen told her to loosen up and make her look more youthful. Siobhan took this note and ran with it in every crazy direction possible. She stood before us in some kind of multi-colored, multi-layered negligee with a sleeveless jean jacket over it. Yikes. Youthful generally means young and current, not young like you were young in the 1980s so dress like Cyndi Lauper.
Crystal Bowersox, an early favorite of mine, sang a slightly stripped version of Sherly Crow’s “If it Makes You Happy” and accompanied herself with a harmonica and acoustic guitar. Randy comments to Kara that “that’s a real Indie girl right there” which is the first music vocab word Randy has used maybe all season. I don’t count “pitchy” because even Randy doesn’t know what he means by that anymore.
I have mentioned before how much American Idol loves a nice montage. Last night they mixed things up and delivered a montage I had never seen before: the mom who is more excited than her child. Thaddeus Johnson has had a particularly long road up until this point because he accidentally invited his mother who has been screaming in his ear, and mine, since his first audition. Actually, Thaddeus sang Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror” last night and the only highlight was watching his mother sing and dance along. And as we have no room for overenthusiastic moms in the top 12, I will not be sad when he is inevitably eliminated before we get to that point.
To round things out, Compton Danny Gokey aka Andrew Garcia was amazing singing “Chasing Pavements” by Adele. Why they only gave us a sound bite of this I’ll never know. I guess they felt compelled to edit in a lot of Mary Powers (the one you can’t stand and sounds like Pink) talking ever so confidently in the soon-to-be axed room 2, that they skimped on the actual talent. Todrick Hall, our resident Broadway performer, was the only one who managed to come up with a fresh interpretation of “I’m Yours” (I’m being generous under the circumstances of overusage) and it didn’t even involve an acoustic instrument! Todrick was one of the seven who found out he made it to the top 24 last night, bless his heart. And Lily Scott, who has a great voice, but I cannot throw my support behind because she has silver hair and we all know what happened last time we got excited about someone with silver hair. Taylor Hicks. Now starring as not the lead in the touring production of Grease. Check your local Marriott for dates in your area.
I would also like to add that, while I have harped on Ryan plenty today, I don’t think I’m done. When the judges finally made up their minds about the fates of the three rooms, Ryan pipes in narrates “The first room to be relieved of their anxiety is…………………….ROOM 1!” Why the dramatic pause Ryan? Was there any reason why we should believe that this was not going to go in numerical order? Isn’t that the whole logic behind designating numbers and not just labeling them this room, that room, and the other room? “Which room will be next? It’s…………….ROOM 2!” Yeah, I got it. What’s next? Back to one? Oh, Room 3? Strange. And in terms of the “Here’s how this will work” bits, I am now under the impression that in Ryan’s contract there is a quota for how often you must hear his voice or see his face. As his role is almost entirely useless, they make up for it by having him talk about how each contestant will enter the Kodak Theatre. Walk down the stairs. Sit in that chair. Then, walk back up those stairs. Out the exit door. Just so he is assured his multi-million dollar contract is worth it. You know how when you’re teaching someone how to play a new game and you realize your talking isn’t helping so you finally say “let’s just learn as we go.” I wish Ryan would just let me learn as I go.
Oh and just so you are sure to look for it, Kara wore her prom dress to the final 24 announcement that continues tonight. I did the math; she was a senior in high school from 1987-1988 so all signs point to yes.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Jack: The days of your wild coke parties are over.
Liz: Well, if by coke, you mean sodas…
Jack: I do.
Dear Tina 