Dear Tina,
I may have mentioned this before, but I’ll reiterate. I’m not really the athletic type. In first grade gym class I started crying because I couldn’t tag anyone during “Swim Fishy Swim” so the teacher had to halt the game and convince someone to be my assistant. The highest repetition of push-ups I ever completed was in the sixth grade and it was three. When I played softball, every single time I was designated to right field and every single time I asked which side that was. Finally my coach shamed me about this so after that I just kind of wandered around the field aimlessly hoping my general coverage would be satisfactory. Last summer I went to the gym after work one night and it wasn’t until after I changed that I realized I had left my gym shoes at home. Not wanting to leave having made the effort, I walked on the treadmill in the corner wearing flip flops and watched a rerun of Jon and Kate Plus 8.
So it may come as a surprise to you that I have great fondness for the Olympics. The Olympics of course meaning the Summer Olympics. I mean, is there any other kind?
Oh yeah.
The Winter Olympics are on right now. You may have noticed because that is the reason why 30 Rock is NOT on during February Sweeps. Good thing we have the Olympics to rescue NBC for a two week period. Except, that’s right, American Idol beat them in the ratings on Tuesday. And we all know how captivating American Idol was this week. So what is it about the Winter Olympics that makes them like the sibling of the child having a birthday party who you feel you should give equal attention to so they don’t feel left out even though they don’t really deserve it? I watched the Olympics last night and caught downhill skiing, the half-pipe, and some kind of relay speed skating which to me looked as chaotic and crowded as the Wilmette ice rink when it opens its doors to the public on Friday nights. All were entertaining, sure, but I didn’t feel that sense of accomplishment for America! as I did during the Summer Olympics. Side note: when America is followed by an exclamation point in the middle of a sentence that is an indication that the word should be read with a thick Southern dialect. In the spirit of research that consists of me mulling over a topic for 15-20 minutes, I have come to a conclusion about this. I’ll try not to blow your mind.
It’s the sports. I looked at a list of the sports played during the Winter Olympics and I think they literally just made some up at one point. Someone somewhere prior to 1924, thought “hey we don’t have anything great lined up during February sweeps and those Summer Games are always such a hit, let’s have a cold version! Like gazpacho.” But then they realized that to deem something a “Winter Olympic” sport it should probably relate to the cold or be cold itself. So that’s when they let their imagination run wild. What did you find? Ice and a broom? Great we’ll call it…curling. Ice skating seems pretty popular. Add one more person, we’ll call it partner ice skating. Change the movement to be more bouncy and set to music like”Rock Around the Clock,” add a poodle skirt and we’ll call it ice dancing. Kids like sledding, right? Well we’re not using that old water slide either so…BAM. Luge.
In 2008 I was alone the night Michael Phelps won a gold medal in a relay with his competitor the length of a manicured fingernail behind him and I still jumped up and down and screamed and declared it one of the greatest television/sports moments of all time (I work in extremes). I can’t bring myself to that level–even when surrounded by friends who enjoy watching it–with these games. It certainly doesn’t help that I have such little knowledge on a majority of the Winter events. The skeleton? A vocabulary test on the bones in our body? No?
Figure skating is always fun. This year even more so because there is a participant, Johnny Weir, more flamboyant than a rainbow flag who brings with him a reality-docu show on the Sundance channel. The premise of which is following a rebel on the ice. Apparently rebels now come with many a sequin and hot pink corsets. I don’t remember that ensemble being featured on the cover of The Outsiders. But Tom Cruise may have worn it in the movie adaptation.
I will say, the Olympics, Summer and Winter both, are by far better than any American sporting event. If only for the Visa “Go World” commercials that make me feel all proud and joyful. Go World. What a nice sentiment. That should be the motto of the U.N. if they’re looking for an update. I really don’t have a strong distaste for the Winter Olympics; as I said, toss me a feathered ice skater and I’ll be glued to the set all night. I just find them to be a bit of a disappointment for those of us still riding the love train that is the Summer Olympics. Either way, until they invent a medal opportunity for maintaining tidiness…on a mountain, I probably never make it as a Winter Olympic athlete. So I will continue to watch from my home, cheering for team America! but flipping back to episodes of 16 and Pregnant when I remember it’s on.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Jack: Boy, that creative thing you guys do; writing jokes for a living, making the world laugh. What do your dads say you do for a living?
Toofer: Surgeon.
Josh: Optometrist.
Lutz: Died.
Dear Tina 