Dear Tina,
Last night American Idol kicked off what I thought was going to be a brief venture narrowing the top 24 contestants down to 12. Turns out, this process is going to take three weeks. Isn’t the more efficient option to have them perform once and Simon just pick the six men and six women who did the best job to compete in the top 12? Although I guess when you are raking in millions of dollars each week from advertisers, efficiency isn’t really your bag. This season in particular it might be good to have that time before we head into the big leagues. That way it will give Ellen more time to get comfortable with live TV and Kara more time to get that kink out of her neck. Or does she keep moving her neck back and forth like that to inject a little New Jersey attitude into everything she says? Hard to tell.
The first live episode is always crucial (if you take this show seriously like I do) as it allows you to judge for yourself if those selected by the judges deserve to be there. Or if, maybe, they should have instead selected the 28 year old with the voice of an angel who has a child with a disability and who was eliminated during Hollywood week in the season before last a week after her father was murdered you heartless heathens. So it’s fun. I have to say that first moment before the show starts when Ryan is walking down the human hallway with six contestants on either side of him and then says “THIS is AMERICAN IDOL,” if I were one of those girls I would get so overwhelmed with excitement I’d probably go cross eyed. I mean, really, could they have created a better “I’ve made it!” moment for you? After the opening credits the contestants were blessed with some solid advice from Randy: “You gotta be great or you gotta be mad at yourself. It’s up to you to wreck the stage with your vocals.” Oh Randy, sometimes I just want to pat your belly and ask you where you got your robin’s egg blue watch. Let’s take a look at our top 12 girls.
First up was Paige Miles. In the notes I took last night I have written “psigr miles” but that can’t be right. She sang “All Right Now” by Free and got some pretty great feedback including a “best female singer in the group” from Simon. All positive notes were followed by a lot of “wrong song” notes. My advice to all American Idol contestants, current and future, steer clear of any song featured on the Now and Then soundtrack.
Next was Ashley Rodriguez singing “Happy” by Leona Lewis. I liked her since her audition in Boston but boy did she take a wrong turn last night. She looked and sounded how I would sing that song if I was listening to it in the car at 4 in the morning while trying not to fall asleep at the wheel: screechy and absurdly animated. Judges concurred. Simon then dropped the “I think you’re going to be in trouble” bomb on her. I actually think he says this to contestants he wants to see go home because he is keenly aware of his ability to sway voters.
Janell Wheeler was third in line and sang “What About Love” by Heart. I didn’t write anything about her last night and then this morning when I wrote this I had to go on americanidol.com to figure out who the only contestant I left out was. So…I think that sums up my thoughts on Janell.
Lilly Scott came on after and sang “Fixing a Hole” by The Beatles. Her performance was great, original, she received more than one “that’s what I’m talking abouts” from Kara alone, and is sure to be safe in this first round of cuts. What I’m concerned about is what we learned in the short video we saw before she started singing, that last year when she was nineteen, Lily was living out of her car like a homeless person or Jewel. Then we see her parents sitting in the audience. Um, Mr. and Mrs. Scott, why was your daughter living in a van as a teenager? Clearly you don’t have some kind of tumultuous relationship. Can I hear your thoughts on this? Because I think if I was living in a van at 19…or 35…my parents might knock on my van door and ask if they might be of assistance. Just curious.
Katelyn Epperly. Oh man. That was a lotta look. Tim Gunn, can I get an Amen? If you were a costume designer for a Lifetime made for TV movie and you had to convey a nice, quiet girl succumbing to temptation and rebeling against her parents and drinking wine spritzers on a thursday night when she should be at volleyball practice this would be your checklist: high volume and kinked hair accessorized with a feathered barrette, magenta lipstick, enormous gold earrings, leather tube dress, lace tights, and black leather stiletto platforms. Welcome to Katelyn’s first impression on America. The judges seemed to like her singing fine; I on the other hand was too distracted by that lipstick that I was secretly hoping would somehow get smeared on Ryan’s forehead.
Haeley Vaughn sang “I Want to Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles. Haeley is one of those girls who is so nice you don’t want anyone to say mean things to her because she’ll just smile politely while they do. But unfortunately in this case she really needed to hear what Simon had to say which was, “it was just for me a complete and utter mess.” I love the British. Hopefully next time her vocal coach will keep her performance in a more manageable range because if we have to have a 16 year old in the top 12, I would pick her. We don’t have to have a 16 year old in the top 12 by the way. Also, she looked like a 1950s nurse in her outfit.
Lacey Brown was a nonentity singing “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac. She’ll probably go home tonight. She got a “beautiful eyes” comment from Simon and, really isn’t that all you need? She reminds me of Christina Hendricks from Mad Men so maybe if American Idol doesn’t pan out for her she could find someone with gray hair to be her musical John Slattery and they could become a singing duo? Maybe Lilly Scott?
Michelle Delamor sang “Fallin’” by Alicia Keys. Yes, and so did that girl in season 2 for her audition. Moratorium on all Alicia Keys songs on Idol please. Also, girl is a diva by her own accord so my interest in her went out the door the first time she made enormous hand motions to cue the band when to rest as you might expect from Whitney or Aretha. Or a Maestro.
Didi Benami sang “The Way I Am” by Ingrid Michaelson which was perfectly suited for her voice but then of course the judges came at her with how boring they thought it was. Sometimes this show is a lose-lose situation. You pick the wrong song or the wrong artist and you get ripped to shreds; then you pick a song in your range and style and you’re told to take more risks. It was a little boring and picking a song that was only on the Billboard charts because it was a big hit on Adult Contemporary radio stations is not the best move but we can’t all sing “Mad World” and get standing ovations. I miss Adam Lambert already.
Siobhan Magnus sang “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak and for me it was ok except for the beginning when she sounded like Amanda Bynes pretending to be a man in She’s The Man–that was not ok. I guess it got better, the judges seemed to not hate it, but where she really lost us was when she started talking after the performance. Simon asked her why she chose that song and she went into a explanation with less pizazz than a video tutorial on how to install dry wall. Simon made a sassy comment about her personality and I shed a tear at the thought of him leaving us.
Crystal Bowersox and her one man band sang “Hand in My Pocket” by Alanis Morrisette. She may be my favorite but I have to agree with the judges when they said it was good but she could do better, something more interesting and less predictable. She made a quick rebuttal about not being allowed to sing original music and I’m glad that didn’t get too much play because there is nothing more annoying than listening to original music on this show. Original idea, sure, you testing your songwriting abilities on America, save it for youtube. Crystal seemed to like Simon’s idea of doing something by David Bowie. I hope she picks “Magic Dance” from Labyrinth.
Katie Stevens closed the night with “Feeling Good” by Michael Buble Anthony Newley and Leslie Bricusse. Why does Michael Buble continue to get credit for that song? David Foster must be giving someone money under the table. I hate to bring him up again but I will for the sake of sweet Katie. Remember last season when Adam Lambert sang that song? And they provided him with a set that rivals the Academy Awards? And he wore a white suit? And he sang the business out of it? Yeah, the song kind of needs that. You on the other hand were dressed for an eighth grade Valentine’s Day dance. You sang with the dimpled sweetness I would expect from most 16 year olds which is only appropriate when singing songs like “Knock Three TImes” by Tony and the Dawns, and again we’re saying no to the Now and Then soundtrack.
So there you have it. Just for putting up with all that, I offer the best exchange of the entire night. I laughed so hard I went back and watched it again. Simon is explaining to Ryan that in picking the right song you should want it to be as memorable as your first kiss.
Simon: Come out here, do something and prove to everyone watching this show I am different, unique, and I’m a star. Rather than indulging yourself and that’s the problem.
Ryan: I didn’t think of any of that during my first kiss.
Simon: That probably went both ways.
That. Man.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Devon Banks: You know what they say about rumors Jack? They make a “ru” out of “mor” and “s. ”
Dear Tina 