Dear Tina,
Well if you didn’t get enough of Usher in 2004 when you couldn’t go longer than three minutes without hearing “Yeah,” then I hope you tuned into American Idol last night for an evening of R&B with Usher as the guest mentor. This genre could have gone one of two ways, disastrously or fabulously. Turns out, it went both ways. R&B is a great vocal styling for many singers, it just so happens that on season 9 of American Idol we have both fabulous and disastrous contestants. Now that we’re in week three of the big stage, I’ve come to the conclusion that some of these singers couldn’t sell a song if it was written for them. Cough. Tim Urban. Overall it was a great improvement from last week (let’s just blame Miley for that one) and I’m finally starting to enjoy and re-enjoy people on this show other than Crystal and Simon. Here we go.
Siobhan Magnus, Thru the Fire by Chaka Khan. Siobhan described herself as “wicked nervous” when it came time to meet Usher. At least he was wearing sunglasses the entire time to avoid anyone mistaking his mentoring for normal human interaction. Her nerves never quite subsided as her take on this R&B hit was a wailing mess. I know this marks my second My Best Friend’s Wedding reference in a week, but it reminded me of the scene in that movie when Cameron Diaz karaoke’s to “I Just Don’t Know What to Do to Myself.” The judges didn’t take too kindly to the performance either and Siobhan was mere moments away from a fit. Kara at one point in her judging referred to a section as “the screaming part.” Ok, if in a singing competition anything can be deemed “the screaming part,” we’re in trouble. And by we I mean Siobhan. I don’t have much riding on this. The highlight came when Simon called her, I believe more than once, Sh-bawn. He went on to say that he is beginning to find the screamed high note at the end boring. Sh-bawn needs to find a way to make her entire performance musically interesting otherwise we lose the element of surprise, soon to be followed by the element of enjoyment.
Casey James, Hold On, I’m Coming by Sam & Dave. Did you see that ponytail? Do you see what I mean? Casey is one that has officially been added to my list of contestants I look forward to seeing. It took me awhile to forgive him for singing “Heaven” by Bryan Adams during the top 24, which I only want to know as a techno hit. The judges also enjoyed his take on R&B, Simon going so far as to call it his best performance yet. And once again, looking at Casey’s expression, we learn that Simon’s opinion is really the only one any of the contestants care about. Also, have you noticed that every time Kara says “playing your guitar” to anyone she can’t help but pantomime the action simultaneously? Why do you do that Kara?
OH! When Ryan reappeared, right before he gave out Casey’s numbers, we had this delightful bit of dialogue:
Ryan: (To Casey) When Kara said she wanted to see more of you, she meant musically.
Kara: Are you kidding Ryan?!
Ryan: YES I’M KIDDING! LET’S HAVE SOME FUN!
Point, Seacrest.
Michael Lynche, Ready For Love by India.Arie. When the theme of the week is a music genre, there is almost always one contestant who is already a part of that genre and should therefore have the best performance. Imagine if Carrie Underwood stunk up the joint during Country week. Things may not have turned out so well. So for R&B week the pressure was on for Michael Lynche. He decided to take the edge off by performing his song with his back to the judges. This upset me as it implies that the judges are a nonentity when in fact they should be the only people Michael cares to impress. Would Miss America contestants dare twirl their batons in a way that gave the judges an obstructed view? No, they would not. With that aside, Michael definitely has a great voice and an interesting vibe to him so if he does win it’s nice to know it’s not just because America thinks he looks cuddly. Cough. Ruben Studdard. Simon said he was ready to take him seriously as an artist. Does that mean prior to this Simon thought Michael was kidding around up there? Hard to say.
Didi Benami, What Becomes of the Broken Hearted by Jimmy Ruffin. As soon as Ryan alluded to Didi having an emotional day with Usher before the break, I knew we were heading into gloomy territory with a reprise of the story we heard when Didi first auditioned–the loss of her best friend four years ago. During the footage of the mentoring session it was a tender moment to watch Didi struggle with the emotion of the song. What was not so tender was watching Ryan after her performance try to beat the emotion out of her. She made it pretty clear right away that she didn’t want to discuss the details of who she was thinking about but Ryan wouldn’t accept that. “Tell everyone why you’re so emotional singing that song?…Why were you in tears with Usher?…I think its important that people know why…She sang that song for someone, we can leave at that.” YES PLEASE DO LEAVE IT AT THAT RYAN SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. I know tears are good for ratings but American Idol was walking a thin line between good and bad taste with that one. In terms of the singing, the judges seemed to feel it was way over the top and dramatic. Didi is another contestant who is having an identity crisis on this show. I don’t understand why these people are so fearful of continuing on the path where the judges respond positively. If “mixing it up” is getting you into trouble, stop doing it. Also, during his critique Simon passively made fun of Dancing With The Stars. Point, Simon.
Tim Urban, Sweet Love, Anita Baker. I’m starting to feel like a schoolyard bully with this kid. What more can I say? He’s still a terrible singer and he still hasn’t gotten a haircut. Until that changes, I’m only going to making myself redundant. I should mention that Simon hit Tim with one of the harshest pieces of criticism I think you can receive and that is to say he’s given up on him:
I’ll tell you why he’s laughing because I don’t think it makes any difference what we say. Completely inappropriate song, it’s like a mouse picking a fight with an elephant, you’re not going to win. But doesnt matter because you’re going to smile, the audience is going to vote for you, nobody cares, and you’ll be here next week so well done.
When the time comes that Simon doesn’t even care to try and help you improve, really, you should just take yourself out of the competition. Unfortunately, I fear Simon may be right and we will have to endure this mop head another week.
Andrew Garcia, Forever by Chris Brown. I could cry. I felt like Andrew was John Cusack standing outside my window with a boombox over his head playing my favorite song in order to win back my heart. And just like in Say Anything, it worked. It was perfect. The arrangement with his acoustic guitar and the strings–oh the strings–it was beautiful. Andrew needed that performance not just to win back America’s votes but to remind himself where his talent lies. And it’s not bouncing around, playing with a mic stand and we’re all ok with that. All of the judges were equally revived but then of course Simon had to throw in there that he thinks Andrew is boring and he doesn’t know anything about him. Um, he’s from Compton. That’s about as unboring as it gets.
Katie Stevens, Chain of Fools by Aretha Franklin. Blah blah blah she’s back to being dated. Blah blah blah it wasn’t that great. Blah blah blah the judges told her she should have picked a more contemporary song. Like Tim Urban, I can’t keep repeating myself; there’s going to be an uprising against Dear Tina if I do and then I’ll have to go back to just being Cath the babysitter. And she’s so dowdy. I would like to point out that it was during Katie’s judging that Kara pulled another “I TOTALLY DISAGREE” in response to something Simon said. Ugh, you’re wasting your breath, your opinion barely counts in the first place. As the two got into a minor spat, Ryan asked Katie who she’s going to listen to and her response was “Myself.” Um, good idea Katie. Why don’t you go hash that one out with Tim?
Lee Dewyze, Treat Her Like a Lady by the Cornelius Brothers. Well I was initially disappointed to discover that Lee would not be taking on Celine Dion’s “Treat Her Like a Lady” but then he manned up in that leather jacket of his and rivaled Andrew Garcia for best performance of the night (“Forever” is like a trump card for me, so Andrew technically won). After the performance, Lee was blindsided with, easily, the two best things you could ever hear from Simon Cowell. The first, “I’ve always believed in you.” What? Maybe I’ve just put Simon on an inappropriately high pedestal, but if he said that to me I’d hope to follow that moment with a brain injury so I relived it over and over again the rest of my life. I was an Acting major, you can’t be surprised when I get overdramatic. The second, “This was the night your life may have changed forever.” Personally, I would have experienced some combination of throwing up and convulsing at that moment but again, I play towards the dramatic side. I just rewatched the performance and it wasn’t necessarily out of this world amazing, but unlike the child who proceeded him, Lee performed with the ease and confidence of a seasoned professional. And if you can’t do that by this stage of the game, you’re not going to be able to pull it off in the real world when your career depends on it.
Crystal Bowersox, Midnight Train to Georgia by Gladys Knight. Thank God Crystal performed this song because I was initially struggling to find a title for this post. Crystal promised a big surprise for us last week and it turns out the surprise was…playing a piano. Eh, a bit of a let down. As soon as she stood up from the piano mid-performance, I was immediately worried for her. I’ve seen her bop along during the Wednesday night group numbers and let’s just say it’s not her strong suit. I thought it was a pretty regular performance but the judges still seemed encouraged. All I know is that I saw a shot of Jane Lynch in the audience and that made up for a lot of things. I liked when Simon reminded Crystal not to let this process change her because what she had been doing up until that point was working. Translation: get that guitar back in your hands and lose the high heels. Amen.
Aaron Kelly, Ain’t No Sunshine by Bill Withers. First of all, why is Aaron the finale? I hated this. Second of all, why was he dressed like he was going to a photo shoot for the Lands’ End Kids catalog? Simon compared him to a cupcake. I compared him to a cast member from Barney. Sing well all you like Aaron, its not going to change the fact that you’re about as interesting as chicken broth.
Finally, enjoy. Go to 1:20 if you’d like to get straight to the performance.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Jack: I’ll grow a beard, people from my old life will pass through town. They won’t even recognize me. They’ll just say, ‘Thanks, Pap!’ And then they’ll buy some of my cider.
Dear Tina 