*This post brought to you by the free Wi-Fi at Borders and a need to get the baby out of the house while the cleaning ladies are there.
Dear Tina,
I have to say that I feel redeemed when I watch television shows that aren’t necessarily the most sophisticated serving of primetime drama, yet are willing to poke fun at the contrived story lines of their own making. Such was the case on tonight’s episode of Gossip Girl. Every season, the show writes multiple plots filled to the brim with mystery and fraud, the outcomes of which are always embarrassingly simplistic. Like reaching the page requirement on your term paper before you’ve written the conclusion so you just tie it all together by writing “In conclusion” and rewording your thesis. While sitting in on the scheming to catch William Van der Woodsen in his bed of lies, Blair’s date asks Nate about why it seems they have so much experience solving crimes and Nate replies “It happens more than you’d think.” It’s self-deprecating moments like these that save the show from drawing too many parallels to Scooby Doo. The rest of tonight’s episode was filled with over-the-top confrontations and over-the-top coats. Just like in not real life.
Gossip Girl Moment: Rufus comes to the apartment he shares with Lily where he is greeted by Serena who tells him “If she wanted to talk to you, she’d call you back.” Getting more and more frustrated by a husband’s desire to visit his cancer-ridden wife, Serena finally comes out with it and confronts Rufus on his alleged affair. Rufus calls Holland, the woman he is accused of sleeping with, and she announces–in front of both of Lily’s children and Rufus’s son–that she slept with Rufus. To which Gossip Girl piped in, “Talk about love thy neighbor.” Subtle.
Real Moment: Husband and wife are having communication problems and husband inanely goes to a neighbor to discuss the private matter. Wife accuses husband of cheating after neighbor calls the house asking for the husband. To prove his innocence, husband calls neighbor and puts the phone on speaker when asking her whether or not they slept together. Neighbor confirms his innocence while including some I-would-never’s of her own before the wife hangs up on her. Despite the confirmation, the couple continue to fight about the inappropriateness of divulging marital issues to a neighbor, until the children enter the room and they unsuccessfully attempt to mask the argument into a discussion about cleaning out the refrigerator.
Gossip Girl Moment: Jenny has developed a worse reputation with the Van der Woodsens than Cinderella had with her own step family. Serena views her as a conniving tramp set on stealing her boyfriend, Eric probably never forgave her for pouring yogurt on his head, and let’s face it–Lily barely has the energy to act concerned about her own kids. As she reflects on life in Brooklyn when it was just her, Dan, and Rufus, she lifts a picture of the trio from the top of a shopping bag filled with her belongings. You know, to really drive home the sentimentality of the simpler, eyeliner-free time in her life.
Real Moment: When people are forced to pack up their rooms–usually as a result of a move and not because their step sister who should be in college is demanding her old room back–picture frames are not thrown willy nilly on top of a bag filled with miscellaneous items like jeans and a hairbrush. Picture frames are breakable and when moving them from one home to another, they are meticulously wrapped in newspaper, stacked with other frames and gently placed at the bottom of a cardboard box with the weight distributed evenly for easy lifting. Or is that just me?
Gossip Girl Moment: Introduce lies and deceit into a story line on Gossip Girl, and the grand “exposing of the truth” moment will inevitably occur at a large scale gala, complete with black ties and cater waiters serving champagne to teenagers. Tonight was no different, with the culmination of William Van der Woodsen’s scheme to poison (is that what he was supposed to be doing?) Lily, ending at a benefit for the library. Young people were represented at the event by a group of teenagers who all had the best of intentions to pursue academic endeavors but clearly keep getting side tracked by long lost fathers, two-faced psychologists, and other such non-collegiate mishaps. Blair decided to dress in one of Gwyneth Paltrow’s costumes from Shakespeare in Love while Serena saw the event as an opportunity to wrap her body in gold saran wrap and use the excess material as a one shoulder cape.
Real Moment: The local library hosts a benefit. It takes place on Sunday afternoon from 1-4 pm. Those in attendance are the town’s empty nesters and skateboarders who use the library’s outdoor marble benches as makeshift half pipes. The fanciest items donned by the attendees are the all-white Reeboks on their feet. Conversations are far removed from scam artists, and focus more directly on the benefit at hand and the possibility of upgrading from liquid soap to foamy soap in the bathrooms. The event ends early at 3:15 when the library runs out of sugar cookies that can also be found in the lobby of your local bank.
Gossip Girl Moment: After playing boyfriend/girlfriend at the library benefit as a means to expose the truth, Chuck is more convinced than ever that Blair’s feelings for him are still at the forefront of her heart. He tries to kiss her hand but she pulls away. This refusal to acknowledge her unabashed love of all things Bass leads Chuck to present Blair with an ultimatum. He tells her that he did the most dangerous thing he could when he told her he loved her and it’s time for her to return the shameless outpouring of emotion. He tells her to meet him at the top of the Empire State Building. “If you’re not there at 7:01 I’m closing my heart to you forever.” Here’s hoping your town car doesn’t get caught in traffic!
Real Moment: Ex boyfriend and girlfriend wind up at the same party together. After avoiding each other all evening, the 18 Miller Lites and 3.5 whiskey shots between the two of them begin to take affect and the two end up sharing a cab and a bed. In the morning ex-boyfriend gushes over how wonderful they are together while ex-girlfriend texts her girlfriend “OMG what did I do?! Can u pick me up?” Ex-boyfriend offers to make her breakfast but she tells him she has to go, she’s late for a family thing. Later that day he texts her asking if he can take her out to dinner next weekend so they can talk about their relationship. Ex-girlfriend responds saying she already has plans and ignores all subsequent pleas that she receives over the next two weeks.
Gossip Girl Moment: Serena finally acknowledges the truth in what her friends have been trying to get her to understand all episode: her dad was giving her mom pills to recreate the symptoms of her cancer in order to fake re-heal her and remain a part of her daily life. William is on the run from the police, who don’t take too kindly to doctors promoting cancer symptoms in their patients, and Serena chases after him. They meet up at that helicopter pad in New York City where all shady docs go when they’re on the lamb, and William explains his actions to Serena: “Unless your mother needed me, you wouldn’t give me a chance.” I wish more deadbeat dads would take that kind of initiative. As we hear sirens in the background Serena tells her dad that she doesn’t forgive him, but she doesn’t need to punish him. Then she tells him she loves him and hugs him before she urges him to go before the cops arrive. If only Bernie Madoff had realized the solution to all his legal problems were just a helicopter ride and a daughter with daddy issues away.
Real Moment: The father that abandoned you and your family when you were a child returns and makes your mom go through the emotional and physical sufferings of cancer by prescribing her medication that mimics the symptoms of the dreaded disease in order to get closer to you and your mom who, as of late, he regrets leaving. This is a man you would hope to punish every day for the rest of your life. And you would be smart to do so.
Next week is the season finale. Implications were made at the end of tonight’s episode that Nate and Jenny are going to sleep together. And Serena and Dan will do something to make us think they might get back together. And Blair looked longingly at the Empire State Building so we know that relationship’s tension isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Oh and Georgina Sparks returns. It should make for a pretty congenial evening.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Frank: I’m sick of that guy’s positive energy. We got to start messing with him.
Lutz: Yeah, like what if we trick him into kissing me? It would be so funny because I’m not gay.
Dear Tina 