Dear Tina,
Alright. As you may recall on Saturday I alluded to some negative press Dear Tina has been receiving on the Internet. Of course, by press I mean a perfunctory blogger throwing lowballs based on an inaccurate interpretation of my goal here. Yes it appears that a young man by the name of Justin has created a blog, not realizing the unoriginality of his idea bless his heart, and has convinced himself that his is of superior quality to mine. Curious to read his thoughts? Don’t worry it won’t take long, there are only four entries. Hire Me, Tina Fey! consists of a handful of ideas for why Justin believes he is qualified to work on your writing staff. My personal favorite was the fact that he has watched every episode of The Simpsons and Family Guy. If that is all that’s required, then I’m here to tell you my brother has been a prospective employee of yours since he was in the sixth grade.
I’m normally not one to criticize the dreams of strangers. Really, I think that everyone deserves to pursue what they love — to find a job that challenges them and inspires them. But Tina…he said I wasn’t funny. Look, there are many things I can’t do. MANY. I can’t do a lay up. I can’t use a curling iron. I can’t write bubble letters. I can’t stand “Love Story” by Taylor Swift. But funny I can do. Don’t take that away from me Justin just because you’re struggling to find a different way to say essentially the same thing in every entry. Take my advice. Speaking as someone who is 145 posts in, I can tell you you’re going to need to offer more than a daily reiteration of your mission if you want to maintain an audience. If you want to be a writer than write about something, anything, that would offer insight into your creative instincts. No doubt you have them so why not express them? Otherwise, how is anyone going to know what you can bring to a writers’ room that sets you apart from the hundreds of people out there hoping to get a similar foot in a similar door? Rather than talking about what you don’t care about (ie the Lost finale), why not spend your time (and ours) discussing something that interests you? Something that inspires you? I’m telling you now it would be a much more interesting read.
Also, why don’t you care about the Lost finale? I’ve never seen an episode in my life but you still have to have an appreciation for the historic cult nature of the program. The nail biting drama of “how will it end?” is such a time honored tradition in series finales, and the creators of Lost managed to ignite this conversation in fans and critics alike from the very beginning. Lost elevated finale hype to a whole new level and even if you don’t watch it, I think it’s something to marvel at. Why so apathetic?
But I’m getting off topic now. And I fear Justin’s head is spinning from all the words I’m using — another criticism of his. What I truly need to say to Justin is this. It is clear that you spent very little time reading Dear Tina because if you had, you would know that you and I are not in competition for the same position. In fact, your assumptions were largely off base, and we all know what happens when you assume…
1. I am not nameless. Entry dated January 2, 2010. I state my full name. Catherine Johnson Allen. Has a nice ring to it, wouldn’t you say?
2. I do not want to be a writer. Although my platform to express interest in working for Tina Fey does require extensive writing (as it has pained you to notice), what I am looking for is a position on the production team of 30 Rock. For more specific information on employment opportunities that interest me, you can read the entry dated January 3, 2010.
3. I am not just a nanny. I have worked in a variety of positions within the Chicago entertainment industry since graduating from college (that’s what she said –beat you to it). Also, regarding being a nanny. Keep in mind that Tina is a mother and as a mother she will tell you that there is nothing that allows a mother to sleep more soundly at night than knowing while she is away, her child is in the care of a competent, loving nanny. So your critical views on my job (which is ending June 11th, entry dated April 19, 2010) may not the best way to get her on your team.
4. The reason why I noticed your entry “so fast” is because WordPress allows you to see what websites are leading people to your blog. You will note in the below image that my home page had a link to your blog, informing me that people were using it to get to mine. Don’t get too excited.
5. The title of your link to my blog is “See her tremble in fear”? What was it about that entry that implied fear? Was it the Jeremy Renner reference?
So Justin the attention you have paid me, though flattering, wasn’t so much as an ass kick as it was…nonsense. I’m just not buying what you’re selling.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Man: Hey, you still got that old Camero?
Jack: No. It finally broke down.
Kelsey: Oh…
Jack: From having too much sex in it!
Dear Tina 