Dear Tina,
Alright so here we go. American Idol aired their ninth season finale this week and it was, without a doubt, one of the most withered ends to one of the most mediocre seasons in the show’s history. Take it back you say? I can’t. Let’s get the rehashing of the performances over with first considering they were probably the six least significant moments of the two day, three hour finale.
Following suit with seasons past, each contestant was asked to sing three songs. I was really counting on the producers bringing back the boxing theme from season seven as it was so wonderfully awkward to see David Archuleta giggle his way through pretend jabs at David Cook, but alas this final performance episode had no room for such horseplay.
After a diplomatic coin toss last week (wow, this really is like the Super Bowl for karaoke), Crystal elected to go second. A smart move considering history shows that this decision has no bearing on whether you win or lose. I find that it’s nice to get it over with but I guess for me that applied more to performing ill-prepared monologues in college where as these two actually have something at stake. Eh.
Round 1: Favorite Performance of the Season
Lee DeWyze, The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel. I suspect there are restrictions on choosing a song from just last week for your favorite song of the season. Otherwise, there is no reason why Lee would not have chosen “Hallelujah.” The vocal on this felt a little desperate. Like Lee knew the stakes were high so he had to make the song sound more impressive or challenging than when he first performed it. Not a great interpretation of the category when the way you sang it the first time is what garnered such positive feedback. Kara suggested he should have “punched harder” followed by examples of what punching looks like. Simon told Lee that he expected more passion and excitement. “That was a kiss on the cheek when I want a kiss on the lips.” Insert squeals from Seacrest.
Crystal Bowersox, Me and Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin. This song was also my favorite of Crystal’s from the season. It came at a time when she seemed to understand the unspoken rule of humbleness when speaking to the judges. Crystal certainly took the prize for this round, reminding the audience what a unique character she has brought to a competition that has really lacked dimensionality in terms of contestants the past few seasons. Randy thought it was dope (good one) and Kara told her she had fire in her belly tonight. Are you calling me fat? Simon declared that with that performance the competition had begun, adding “That was great.” No you are!
Round 2: Executive Producer Simon Fuller’s choice
Lee DeWyze, Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. Great song choice for Lee but I have noticed that Simon Fuller always picks a song that the contestant basically already did. Talk about playing it safe. A gospel choir made an appearance for the performance. What is this, Clay Aiken singing Bridge Over Troubled Water? They should have used a bagpiper instead. It would have felt much more personal. Randy said that he could feel that Lee that he loves by the end. Kara told him that it wasn’t the best vocal but that he is so emotionally accessible and “I love that about you.” Yeah, I’ll give you that. Simon, acting as the stern father he never got to be, told Lee “I want a 10 out of 10 because you’re capable of that.” Yes sir. Lee proceeded to walk off the stage to Charlie Brown’s gloomy theme music.
Crystal Bowersox, Black Velvet by Alannah Myles. Is it just me or could you have sworn that this song was by someone more famous? Anyway, one thing I have always resented American Idol for is making their contestants do things for staging purposes that clearly have no relation to the contestant’s personality or natural rhythm. For example, making Crystal walk down the stairs sans guitar, avec sky high heels. It’s the biggest night of her life, coordination is the last thing she should have to manage. Randy had momentary “that was hot!” turrets, repeating this “analysis” a couple of times before passing it over to Ellen. Simon complained that after nine years of hearing that song (we miss you Kimberly Caldwell!) he is practically allergic to it. But in his very Simon way of complaining before praising, he continued on, saying, “You took the song and you absolutely nailed it…REALLY good.” I can’t remember if there was a wink but even if there wasn’t those words would have had me floating up to the high heavens.
Round 3: Single to be Released
Lee DeWyze, Beautiful Day by U2. Hold up. Why on Earth is the song they are potentially releasing to the radio a cover song? What stations are supposed to play it? Top 40? In all my time spent in the car listening to the radio, I have never heard an identical cover of a hit from 2000 coming in after a Black Eyed Peas song. This does not bode well. The performance was Lee’s strongest of the night but still not his best of the season and he really needed that. Maybe it was the metallic hoodie he was wearing that distracted him. Ellen commended him for being fully present and said she loved that he could get to that place for the song. Kara felt like he had gotten swallowed by the song but that his journey and growth on the show earned him the right to be standing where he was. By the finale I think the judges really come alive with the most grandiose comments they can think of, whether they’re deserved or not. I loved what Simon said when he reminded all of us that “this show is about giving someone a break.” And I fell in love with it and him all over again. Simon told Lee that “I genuinely wish the best for you” and Lee assured us that no matter what, he will be doing this for the rest of his life. So, your hearts can rest easy tonight Mount Prospect.
Crystal Bowersox, Up to the Mountain by Patty Griffin. Seriously, you want this song on the radio? Right after “Can’t Be Tamed” by Miley Cyrus? Ok. I suspect the producers just got worried that Kara was going to volunteer to write the winner’s song again (Just when you almost gave up on your dreams/They take you by the hand and show you that you can — never again Kara). I actually liked her performance. Speaking to the evening as a whole, Crystal was the clear winner and I think proved herself to be a much more artistic singer than Lee. Ellen said she was in a league of her own. And she was. Crystal was a game changer and opened this competition up to so many more talented singers out there who never would have thought to audition the same way Chris Daughtry did for rockers four years ago. Kara reminisced about Crystal spending much of the season with her walls up: “I couldn’t see what was going on inside you and tonight that’s all I could see.” Oh Kara, sometimes you say things that make me regret being so hard on you. That was insightful. Simon reminded the audience that this was going to be his last critique ever and for that reason, succinctly put, “That was outstanding.”
After the final judging Ryan came out and asked Crystal if she was beside herself with those comments. “Actually, I’m beside Ryan Seacrest right now.” Aaaaand, you just cost yourself the win. I warned you.
So because of the standard three round circus seen on Tuesday, Idol producers decided to seize the opportunity to shake things up on night two and have the two hour long season finale, for the first time ever, have nothing to do with the two contestants competing for the title. I think I saw less of Lee and Crystal Wednesday night than I did during the Chicago auditions. The night was really about what the show has been about all season, the judges. One judge in particular of course, Simon Cowell who bid us farewell in the only way he knew how: with 80% of his shirt unbuttoned.
For the historic event, they allowed onto the stage every singer with an album to promote as well as every singer or band that had an album to promote in 1976. All of these performances were blended with vocals from various combinations of Idol’s Top 12. I was most upset about the decision to have the Top 6 girls do a Christina Aguilera medley. By that point we knew any song performed by the Idols was going to lead to an introduction of the original artist so to have to sit through Lacey Brown and Siobhan Magnus emote their way through Beautiful knowing Christina was about to come out and slash their dreams with her vocal runs was downright depressing. Michael Lynche returned after spending a solid thirty seconds with his newborn daughter and performed “Taking It To The Streets” with Michael McDonald. Was Paul Anka not available for the biggest night in music television? I think this quote from one of my favorite movies of all time sums up my feelings on this decision pretty nicely:
I would rather watch “Beautician and the Beast”. I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours than have to listen to Michael McDonald. Nothing against him, but if I hear “Yah Mo B There” one more time, I’m going to “Yah Mo” burn this place to the ground.
Janet Jackson was given approximately 45 minutes to sing complete with a coat that kind of looked like pants and later a unitard.
Casey James was given a solo performance but as soon as he started strumming that guitar and singing the opening lyrics to “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” I knew what was coming. “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN PLEASE WELCOME BRETT MICHAELS!” AHHHHHHH. It was the best part of the night. He’s such a survivor. It made me briefly consider sending in an audition tape for the next season of Rock of Love but knowing me I would show up wearing a turtleneck from J. Crew and this would be my competition:
So I’m putting that plan on the back burner for now.
The final tribute to Simon started with a special appearance from Paula Abdul and it made me sincerely nostalgic for the days when Idol still felt like a family and not an enterprise. And Ryan Seacrest had highlights. Though Paula’s inability to form a coherent sentence reminded me of how nice it would have been to have DVR back in those glory days, you could feel how much the audience missed her and how second rate Kara and Ellen were feeling. Sorry bout it.
After a multitude of montages involving horrific acting on behalf of Randy Jackson and more than one shot of the staged make out between Simon and Paula back in season 2 or 3, the musical tribute began. Kelly Clarkson came out singing “Together We Are One” followed by Reuben “I’m a Vegan now” Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, Carrie Underwood, Jordin Sparks, and just when you thought they didn’t invite Taylor Hicks, out he came as well. Kris Allen finished out the winner’s circle, confirming that David Cook did indeed decline to come. That’s ok because David Archuleta was granted permission to stay up past his bed time and led the pack of other former Idol contestants on stage to join in on the performance. It was a fitting moment for a man that truly changed the lives of all these aspiring singers as well as the face of television as a whole.
I’m already missing him and with his departure from American Idol, I now turn my full attention to The X-Factor. See you in September Simon.
Oh, and Lee won. He was pretty happy about it.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Liz: Why would Jack just assume we’re lesbians.
Gretchen: I am a lesbian.
Liz: Hmm, that’s awesome.
Dear Tina 