I’m gonna tell you people what I really think of you!…I have watched you throw away better food than my family eats at Christmas. And I. Have. Loved it! You people. You are my best friends. And I hope you get everything you want in life!

Dear Tina,

In case you lost track of your calendar, today was my official last day as a full-time nanny. It’s weird. I thought I would have all these impulses to celebrate this occasion with a cocktail (or eight) or burn something representative of my job while blaring George Michael’s “Freedom.” I don’t even know what that would be. Sidewalk chalk? A bottle of laundry detergent? The point is, it’s not so easy to be excited about leaving a job when what you’re leaving are four beautiful children who you’ve watched grow up for almost three years. The youngest one I met when he was six days old. Now he walks to me and hugs my legs when I enter a room. I remember taking the middle one to the candy store on his third birthday so he could buy gummi fighter jets. Now he comes home telling tales of woe as all the girls in his class chase him around the playground before the bell rings. The oldest boy would struggle reading the word “the” when he was in kindergarten and now comes home saying he did all his homework on the bus. And his twin sister who once clung to me in the pool as we moved toward the deep end, just made the swim team.

So how do you say goodbye to that? Not with a kick in your step, I’ll tell you that much. But as a babysitter you have to accept the fact that you can’t be a part of their lives in that capacity forever so you have to recognize when it’s time to move on. My twin bed tells me it’s time to move on.

Hopefully by mid-summer I’ll have something lined up and can put my organizational skills and killer immune system to work in an office that contributes to the 401k I don’t currently have. In three years I called in sick one day. And that was after every single member of the family got strep throat. For the second time. I’m just saying.

To make the transition a little easier for me, here is a brief list of some aspects of the job that will be easier to part with.

• Holding a child up to do the monkey bars which he sees as an opportunity to fart on my chest.
• Answering the question “Are you married?” on a monthly basis.
• Trying to pick a 30 lb baby up while holding a laundry basket filled with four days worth of folded clothes for four children.
• Setting up a slip ‘n slide.
• My cell phone being the only tool in my possession that will soothe a crying baby while out in public.
• Play-doh
• When asking “what do you want for lunch?” receiving the response, “nothing.” Twenty minutes later, “why didn’t you make my lunch yehhhhhhhht?!”
• Nose picking.
• The trail of water from the first floor bathroom to the garage when filling up water guns. Why use a garden hose when you can use a porcelain sink?
• Faking my way through the correct pronunciation of species during Dinosaur Bingo.

But for the most part, I’ll miss it. And them—the most.

I’m very fragile. Now would be a good time to hire me Tina.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Carol: There’s this one Fart Doctor sketch where Fart Doctor’s trying to figure out who farted in the spelling bee.
Liz: He who spelt it, delt it. I wrote that! I wrote all the Fart Doctors!