This job was all I’ve ever wanted, Lemon. And now it hinges on how far I’m willing to go with a woman in Dora the Explorer panties that were clearly made for an obese child.

Dear Tina,

So far today I have watched 3 episodes of Newlyweds (circa 2003) and applied for 1 job. I have heated up 4 homemade chicken meatballs and baked approximately 15 sweet potato fries. I have made 1 trip onto the porch to see if the disgusting smelling cheese I threw out there Saturday night was still there. And I made 2 phone calls proclaiming my boredom to the only ear who feels obligated to listen.

I think that can be chalked up to a productive day, yes? And for those wondering, the cheese was not there. Either my roommate threw it away, or a really strong pigeon picked up the garbage bag holding the cheese in an unbeknownst-to-him suicide mission. Seriously, that smell. It will kill you.

This past week has been an interesting one, filled with a blend of productiveness and messiness. Not in terms of, like, an unmade bed (uh, dur), but in terms of my attempt to move away from the career options I had established for myself in 2008. (Further suggestions on how to do this more efficiently can be sent to blogdeartina@gmail.com. Employment Contract attachment preferred if Tina Fey is responding directly). You see, the problem is that some of us leave college knowing exactly what we want to do with the rest of our lives. And we feel incredibly lucky to have such a strong sense of self after spending the last four years incorporating afternoon naps into our daily regimen. Like preschool. Then we enter the real world (meaning moving back in with our parents–also kind of like preschool) and apply for entry level positions that list under qualifications, 2+ years of experience. So suddenly, the life we have carved out for ourselves isn’t really an option. Not because we wouldn’t be good at it, but because 300 people stand before us who would also be good at it. And at least 10 of them know the president of the company. Because he’s their uncle.

Now we have to think in terms of what we know and who we know, instead of what we want. I know I can answer phones politely, so why not put my plans of becoming a Casting Director aside, and focus on a career in customer service? I have a knack for general desk organization, so why not be a sales associate at Staples? We completely alter the career we were so sure would make us happy in order to convince an employer, any employer, that we would be just as happy and just as successful in their business.

The truth of the matter is, it can be a good thing. Rewarding, even, to acknowledge that you do not have to pigeonhole yourself into one industry simply because that’s what you said you wanted two years ago, or because your resume reflects only one area of expertise. When times become desperate, that’s when we realize that our idea of the perfect job doesn’t necessarily exist, at least not at the moment. Instead, we begin to peruse options that have potential to be perfect. And that potential lies in what all careers aim to provide, self-worth.

While making the adjustment, and continuing to sift through new options as they present themselves, one must always acknowledge that even on the most aimless, boring, anxiety-ridden days, something is bound to make you laugh, smile, or snart (that’s for you, Tina). Here is a list of the ten best things that have happened to me in the last week.

 

10. I mastered the recipe for spinach and feta chicken meatballs. And it was easy too—hence the mastering. I’ll pass along the recipe. I warn you, they have a bit of a kick to them. Especially if you don’t measure the spices, and instead pour mounds of them into your hand thinking you’re Rachel Ray.

9. I overcame my fear of playing after-dinner games with people who I have never played games with before. I have a simultaneous fear of becoming too competitive and appearing too dumb. Both were a non-issue as we were playing the television version of “Scene It” and I was able to calmly (and correctly) reply that it was Pamela Anderson who was the bombshell-turned bodyguard star of V.I.P.

8. I mentioned I watched Newlyweds right? Disc 1, season 1. And what a treat it was. I’m going to mail this disc to Vanessa Minnillo and Eric Johnson. I don’t think they realize what they’re getting into.

7. Upon hearing an incredibly loud crashing noise coming from upstairs, my main squeeze’s response: “He just fell down the stairs made of pots and pans.” Hilar. Still laughing.

6. Burned the roof of my mouth. On delicious bruschetta I over-reheated. Could be a wash, but tie always goes to bruschetta.

5. Re-configured my resume so that potential employers understand that when I say I was a sound board operator, what I’m really trying to tell them is that I supported the Stage Manager in all areas concerning scheduling, production progress, safety, and company requests. This isn’t a lie, it’s just the old version of my resume really highlighted the sound board.

4. By the weekend’s end I had seen 9 out of the 10 films nominated for Best Picture. True Grit is the only one left so by the time the Oscars air I’m sure I will have seen…9 out of the 10 films nominated for Best Picture.

3. My flat iron that appeared to be broken, was not broken after I left it alone for a few days. Thank you Chi company. Now I won’t have to worry about spending another $100 on your product, and instead I can focus on paying for electricity.

2. I visited with some long-lost friends, and some friends I see all the time. One even provided our apartment with the package of toilet paper I had requested. After that we were able to put the napkins back in the kitchen.

1. I was introduced to Agnes.

The saving grace of Despicable Me is that it was not produced by DreamWorks, as I feared. Sorry Steven, but your film company tends to value the size of the star they can convince to voice their characters over actual quality of story.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Liz: This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when there’s no order, no planning.  Hitler and Martha Stewart would have hated that wedding.