Rosemary says that women become obsolete in this business when there’s no one left that wants to see them naked.

Dear Tina,

I’ve gathered a lot of information over the past couple of days while watching/researching other things. By researching I mean finding out that guy on Gossip Girl was indeed the star of the Air Bud trilogy. And by information I mean irrelevant pop culture nonsense. But after 75 posts, haven’t I kind of made the point that that’s what this blog is about? Err, Tina I need a job though so it’s still also about that. Here are a few nuggets I’d like to share.

I usually don’t watch Saturday Night Live during its regular time slot because it’s Saturday night and i’M aLwAyS aT ThE cLuBs!#!#&!*! (If you didn’t read that last part sardonically, please re-read and do so.) So I tend to read reviews of the program on Sunday or Monday and see if there are any skits worth watching and will proceed to hulu.com for a selective viewing session. Yes, I am a part of the generation that is quickly causing the irrelevance of television networks. Still hope to work for one at some point. Anyway, I was intrigued by nymag.com’s recap of the episode from two weeks ago hosted by Zach Galifianakis. They had this to say:

Things quickly got better as Galifianakis came out for his monologue and killed it. There were no questions from the audience or interruptions from other cast members, just ZG and his jokes. Sure, some of it might have sounded familiar to those who know his stuff, but watching a comedian tell funny jokes during the monologue was such a welcome change that we’ll excuse him.

I understand that people like Taylor Lautner and Megan Fox may bring new viewership to the program, but if they can’t deliver the goods, in the end it weakens the writing and makes SNL appear to be past its prime. They should consider in the 2010-2011 season booking more comedians. Because with Taylor Lautner’s opening monologue we watched the equivalent of a junior high student’s karate recital and with Zach Galifianakis we got this:

Sometimes I’ll do something and I’ll think to myself ‘That is so Raven.’ And then at other times I’ll do something, I’ll be like ‘That was not very Raven.’

More importantly, if you are the devoted reader I delusionally believe you to be Tina, you may recall back in February an issue I took up with a Broadview Security commercial. If you don’t, you can find it here. Well lo and behold look at what the writing staff over at Saturday Night Live decided to take a swing at:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/134720/saturday-night-live-broadview-security#s-p1-sr-i3

So maybe my true calling is in New York City, bringing my own sense of ridicule to the funniest, hardest working people in town. To me, Saturday Night Live and 30 Rock are like Barbie and kid sister Skipper. A family. I feel no sense of betrayal acknowledging my desire to be a part of any and all things related to either or both programs. By the way, do watch the above commercial. “Studies show that if you’re a lady, most men want to kill you.”

In other TV news, the channel TV Land is the next television channel with mediocre ratings trying to freshen things up by introducing an original series. The show, a sitcom, is titled Hot in Cleveland and was only on anyone’s radar because the pilot guest starred Betty White who has since been offered a starring role on the program. The problem, and why I even bring this up, is Betty’s costars. Shall we? Valerie Bertinelli, Wendie Malick, and Jane Leeves. You know them all from shows you probably didn’t watch 10-30 years ago. I mean goodness gracious who are they going to cast for their love interests? Barry Williams, Wayne Knight, and John Ratzenberger? I know that airing the classics is TV Land’s M.O. but if you’re going to introduce an original series feel free to veer away from what was working in the 1970s/90s. On another note, what reignited the Betty White love affair? I’m totally on the train right with you but it appears to have come out of nowhere. One minute no one’s talking about her and the next over 500,000 people are uniting on Facebook to convince Lorne Michaels to let Betty host Saturday Night Live. Maybe something’s going around, keeping a lot of people at home to reconnect with Betty through Golden Girls marathons on Lifetime.

Lastly, and oh so briefly, Alec Baldwin had some things to say about his hosting duties at the Academy Awards a couple of weekends ago. Nothing negative or critical, but he did say that originally he and Steve Martin played a much larger role in the show and that they, the hosts, decided to cut it down by about half to give more time to those being honored. That Baldwin, a gentleman first and foremost. He also reveals the line he and Steve had planned to open the show with:

We were going to come out and say, ‘The Oscars. Warmer than the Olympics. Not as gay as the Tonys.’

That really could have started things out with a bang. I guess ABC isn’t as big a fan of “funny because it’s true” humor as I am. I encourage more of this in the future.

For more up to the minute pop culture buzz (because I only update this once a day and half the time I seem to be yackin on and on about American Idol or Chuck Bass) be sure to go to nymag.com. It is my sole news source for most things mentioned in this blog that I don’t watch firsthand. It’s like the Simon Cowell of news blogs in that it has an uncanny ability to articulate my feelings on a matter before I’ve even formed the opinion in my head.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Jack: You’ll do fine so long as you follow my 3 D’s; Discretion, Docility, and Don’t use my bathroom.

It will be hilarious. Well, that will be a refreshing change of pace for the show, wouldn’t it?

Dear Tina,

You know when you sneeze and you’re pretty sure you did it in a way that captured everything that inevitably flies out of your mouth and then you look up at the glow of your laptop screen and realize that, despite your best efforts, that was actually not the case? If you don’t, you should hang out with me more often. Preferably in your office while I’m doing work for you. Remind me not to lead with that question in a more traditional job interview setting. Anyway, a few closing thoughts on last night’s ceremonies before I scamper to bed.

So if you followed my posts since last Tuesday and were a patient enough friend to read each one all the way through, you might recall that all of my “will win” predictions were accurate. I would love to pat myself on the back for this feat but frankly all you had to do was read more than one newspaper to know that the winners in those six categories were about as predictable as executive producer Adam Shankman cross promoting by using former So You Think You Can Dance? contestants during the Oscars telecast. No surprises. And for the most part that’s a good thing. Everyone who won was a gracious and humble recipient. Even Mo’Nique, who always sounds like a preacher trying to exercise the devil out of me at an old fashioned baptism.

With that in mind I would like to take a moment to say this. Over the past two months or so, I have given Sandra Bullock a pretty hard time, deeming her performance in The Blind Side unworthy of an Oscar. Well it was. Sorry I am unwavering when it comes to that truth. But last night she was by far the most dignified and self-effacing person to walk up onto that stage. Certainly compared to that Best Costume Design winner. “Well I already have two, I’m starting to feel a bit greedy.” Then give it back ya big louse. As my mom would say, “No one likes a braggy show.” Or was that the Berenstein Bears? I can never remember. Anyway, I just wanted to make the point that my opinions on The Blind Side should not reflect my opinions on Sandra Bullock herself. She is a great comic talent, personable, stunning, and oh, if I haven’t said it enough, so gracious. Her acceptance speech was the perfect blend of comical and tender with displays of genuine affection for her fellow nominees. Not an easy feat especially when Shankman is prepared to turn your mic off as punishment for rambling. Congratulations Sandy B.

I thought Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin turned out to be a great fit for the job. I was nervous that Alec’s humor wouldn’t translate to an audience of this magnitude but the two of them clearly found a great rhythm together that kept the show moving at a brisk pace, pausing momentarily to insert a Snuggie-related bit. Much appreciated.

Tina you looked fabulous and you were hilarious presenting the award for Best Original Screenplay. AND you presented with Robert Downey Jr.? Girl, you go.

Now I am a deeply enthusiastic fan of film and look forward to this award show every year. But this year, as in years past, I am left with a handful of unanswered questions. Please feel free to offer any insight into any question posed below.

• Why did Kathy Bates introduce Avatar as a Best Picture nominee?
• Why did Ryan Reynolds introduce The Blind Side as a best picture nominee in that tone if there was never a punch line to anticipate?
• Why was Miley Cyrus aggressively gesturing while presenting Best Original Song?
• Why didn’t Adam Shankman squeeze in 4 minutes and 18 seconds into the program for Ryan Bingham to perform “The Weary Kind”?
• Why does Macaulay Culkin still look too young to be home alone?
• Why did Molly Ringwald look like she was in the midst of a group session at a rehab facility during the John Hughes tribute?
• Who suggested Charlize Theron wear the couture version of Madonna’s cone bra from the 80s?
• Whose overbearing mother charged the stage during the acceptance for Best Documentary Short, interrupting producer Roger Ross Williams in the middle of his speech?
• Is it possible for a man to develop a sense of humor at age 55? If yes, please contact James Cameron immediately.
• Who invited Keanu Reeves?
• Will I ever be as classy as Helen Mirren?
• WAS THAT NEIL PATRICK HARRIS? Be still, my beating heat, it was.

Finally, I leave you with the best Oscar acceptance speech of all time. I forgot to include this when I originally published this post and then realized there will never really be an appropriate time to refer to this again so I include it now. I give you, Tom Hanks after his win for Philadelphia. The speech is a bit long so go to 2:14 for the moment that made him a cut above the rest. Also note the shot of a wonderfully handsome Alec Baldwin.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Tracy: You don’t get these kids, Jack. They don’t care about winning. They just want to be able to go outside for once. Did you know that our first practice they asked me what the sun was?

Ok enough! How long are we gonna talk about this stupid award?! We have more important things to worry about. Like where are those French fries I did not ask for?

Dear Tina,

I am sitting in the Sarasota airport right now and absolutely giddy over the news that Sarasota airport provides free Wi-Fi. I feel like I’ve been reconnected with a long lost family member a la ABC’s Find My Family. So over at Dear Tina, after a long week of critical analysis and an over usage of the word “achieved,” we have finally reached the day of the big show.  Yes, the Academy Awards air tonight and all that’s left to discuss is Best Picture. I think I have adequately discussed the films nominated in this category that should have been nominated. The fact that they decided to up the number of Best Picture nominees from five to ten was absurd; I never should have had to watch District 9 nor should I now have to waste brain power on deciphering what made it so bad. Despite their best efforts of widening the competition with ten nominations, Best Picture is still a race between two films, Avatar and The Hurt Locker. The highest grossing film of all time and the film, should it win, with the lowest grossing box office revenue for a Best Picture winner in decades.

The Hurt Locker is going to win. The reasons are two fold. 1. The film balanced great writing, acting, and directing with high quality special effects and editing, making it the best executed film of the year.  2. Have you talked to anyone who did NOT describe Avatar in the following way: “The special effects were amazing! I mean, the story pandered to the mind of a small child, but wow was that Pandora place cool looking.” No you have not. We already have awards for specials effects. Avatar will win those and it can leave the award for Best Picture, which should reflect the entire composition of a film, alone. That being said, instead of putting you through lengthy paragraphs on each film, I have decided to present each nominee with an award that doesn’t exist in the Academy’s restricted ceremony, but one they have nevertheless earned. As you may know, the Academy only has time to announce approximately 11 awards within the span of a six hour telecast.

District 9. Best movie to watch while doing something else.

Personally, I wrote a Dear Tina post on The Bachelor while watching it. If writing isn’t a priority of yours, I would suggest picking at your toe nails or staring at the DVD player until the time tracker reaches 1:50:00 when the movie ends.

The Blind Side. Best biopic where the least essential character in the film is the subject of the biography.

Who was that movie about? Because I’m pretty sure that black kid was just a vehicle to get Sandra Bullock into the bad side of town so she could “act” like a moralistic, tough as nails southerner in a blonde wig.

A Serious Man. Best example of why there should always be a “Making of” featurette in the Bonus Material section of a DVD.

After watching this movie, I had to watch the featurette just to figure out what the movie was supposed to be about. My favorite part was when Joel and Ethan Coen said they just thought it would be fun to open the movie with a piece of folklore. It had nothing to do with the story itself. Ugh, now you tell me.

An Education. Best film to watch with your sixteen year old daughter.

Following the screening, I recommend a discussion on what to do if Peter Sarsgaard ever shows up in a tiny car and offers to drive her cello home. Think of it as a more adult version of the stranger danger talks you had when she was five.

Up. Best movie to see with your grandma who carries an extra 35 tissues in her pockets.

A cartoon? A tearjerker? Who Knew? Pixar knew, those sentimental geniuses. I rewatched this movie with my parents last weekend. My mom, grinning, remarked before I pressed play “I heard this movie can make you cry!” Five minutes later, sobbing, “If you’re going to the kitchen anyway would you grab me a Kleenex?” Yes. I’ll just bring the box to avoid a second trip in about an hour.

Precious. Best film to watch if you’re trying to avoid greasy foods.

Watching the scene where Precious prepares dinner for her mom will keep you from craving anything cooked in oil long after Lent is over.

Up in the Air. Best coincidence.

George Clooney’s character’s name is Ryan Bingham. Ryan Bingham is also a real person and happens to be nominated for Best Original Song for “The Weary Kind” featured in Crazy Heart. I wish they were the same person because I saw the real life Ryan Bingham interviewed on The View and he could stand a little Clooney charisma.

Inglourious Basterds. Best Foreign Film cloaked under the guise of being produced by an American studio.

I think 80% of this film is in subtitles. So if you saw it in theaters and accidentally sat behind someone wearing a ten gallon hat, I offer my sympathies.

Avatar. Best Adapted Screenplay.

Oh, it’s not nominated in that category? I guess the Academy never saw FernGully: The Last Rainforest.

The Hurt Locker. Best use of a single caption in the final scene to summarize the point of the entire film.

If in that final moment, this film doesn’t make your heart sink and leave you feeling hollow than you need to hit rewind, watch it again, and this time actually pay attention. Also, Best use of Jeremy Renner. All the other films really dropped the ball on that one.

Who should win: The Hurt Locker
Who will win: The Hurt Locker

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Dr. Spaceman: How important is tooth retention to you?
Jenna: It’s…pretty important.

Each of them embodies a pillar of the Six Sigma philosophy: teamwork, insight, brutality, male enhancement, handshakefulness, and play hard.

Dear Tina,

Now that we have drudged through all of the acting categories, I tend to be less opinionated. Nevertheless, today we move on to Best Director.

Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker. Now I’m no close minded, anti-feminist but I couldn’t help but be surprised by the fact that this movie was directed by a woman. And maybe that’s a good thing. That a woman embraced the challenge of defying gender expectations in film making and take on what was essentially very masculine material and capture it so poignantly. What Bigelow has done with this film, that I have failed to see with any other film that handles the war in Iraq, is create life in that country as soldiers experience it on a daily basis. Her decision to film with the type of camera movement and editing that creates a documentary quality of observing something in real time reminds us of the stress of life in a war zone. And just how arduous and relentless a year’s deployment must feel. I hope she wins. Not just because she would be the first woman to ever receive an Oscar in this category, but because of the five directors nominated, she had the most significant story to tell and did so with the most sophistication. That is what this award should honor.

James Cameron, Avatar. My eleven year old self is a little sad that Avatar finally beat Titanic in international box office revenue. Especially when, are you factoring in the extra $3 I had to spend on those glasses? I’ll never let go Jack. Anyway, if he wasn’t there already, Cameron has established himself as a true visionary in the world of directing with this film. While I may recommend he hire a ghost writer if he is keen on receiving writing credits in the future, the kind of creativity it requires to invent the stunning visual effects you see in this film is in a class of its own. What I like about Cameron is that he has a vested interest in changing the way we think about film; he pushes the envelope in a way that establishes new norms in film technology. What I don’t like about Cameron is that with Avatar he created a script that was essentially a story a parent would concoct to explain war invasion to a first grader.

Lee Daniels, Precious. I watched an interview with Lee Daniels on The Daily Show and he remarked that he didn’t see the story of Precious as a dark film. If you’ve seen Precious you might hear this and think that he is simply outside his mind, as Jon Stewart and I initially did. But I think that the success of this film may be related to the director having that mind set. If the director saw the material as depressing as the audience, than the depiction of that harshness would have been too heavy handed. Instead, Daniels creates the world of this teen as it would exist in the real world. He makes room for humor and optimism because without them these characters would lack authenticity. He doesn’t strive to wrap this story up with a bow, but rather leaves much of the conflict unresolved and messy. An appropriate choice given the reality of Precious’s circumstances. He is a unique story teller and uses the intimacy of his directing style to get performances out of actors they probably didn’t know were possible. He is a true actor’s director.

Jason Reitman, Up in the Air. In terms of how we think of directors, Jason Reitman is practically a baby. In terms of how we think of babies, Jason Reitman is a prodigy. Similar to household names like Tarantino and Scorcese, Reitman has determined a style and genre to his directing that can be read as a Reitman film within the first few minutes. He is clearly attracted to great writing because all of the scripts he has worked with have brought an original feel to the standard Intro to Screenwriting outline. Up in the Air, if you know what the film is about, is relevant to today’s social climate and Reitman was able to use that relevance to his advantage by playing the emotional scenes sincerely rather than conventionally. He found the right balance of blending the economic themes with the human elements so his depiction of the financial suffering going on in the real world never felt disingenuous. He may not walk away with an Oscar on Sunday but he should still be commended for telling such a timely story with great compassion and tact.

Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds. I mean, the guy is insane. Did you see him mentor on American Idol last season? Crazy. But he has a point of view and he expresses it well, and for that you have give him credit. Even if watching a man skin the head of another isn’t your thing. Tarantino has a reputation for gruesome violence in his films but manages to do so without being violent for violent’s sake. He is incredibly specific in his story telling and takes his time building the story, even if it will make some sections feel long in the tooth, the pay off is always huge. I like how stylistic he is and yet still values high caliber performances from his actors. I looked up Christoph Waltz’s filmography and it was almost entirely German films, so, good find Quentin. In about 15 or 20 years, Tarantino is going to receive lifetime achievement awards up the wazoo, but this is not his year. Like many others nominated this year, Tarantino isn’t going to win not because of his lack of talent, but because of the talent of his competition.

Who should win: Kathryn Bigelow
Who will win: Kathryn Bigelow

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Jack: Jenna, I need to speak with you.
Jenna: Jack, I did not hit that Asian page. I was just swinging my arm and she walked into me. Twice!

I got rid of all Colin Firth movies in case they consider them erotica. That man can wear a sweater.

Dear Tina,

Remember the good old days when I just wrote about American Idol and made fun of Kara DioGuardi for treating every syllable in “unbelievable” as its own word? Me too. Tonight we look at Best Actor.

Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart. I referred to Jeff Bridges’s work earlier in the week when I said that if there was one performance that was not to be missed it was this one. Bridges is the predicted winner in this category, which I so love because not only is he amazing in this film but his entire filmography is filled with rich performances and it is about time he is awarded for his talent. Bridges plays Bad Blake, country singer has-been, and takes the audience with him as he rides the high of a new love and discovers the lows of addiction. I can’t explain how he does it but Bridges makes you feel as drunk, as sweaty, as scared as Bad Blake is; his emotions and stress are palpable. Yet at the same time, even as an audience member he can put you in denial about how bad off he is, just as addicts do in real life. His performance is sincere and thorough and as it turns out, he is one heck of a singer; the Academy owes him this one.

George Clooney, Up in the Air. There are few things that are as predictably enjoyable as watching George Clooney on screen. His demeanor is such that I would love to be in the room when he gives someone a stern lecture a la Michael Clayton. He is poised, he is smart, and he pulls off that salt and pepper look like it’s his bid-ness. Not to mention, he is a pretty terrific actor. The thing about Clooney’s acting is that, while it’s always good, it’s also always kind of the same. In the case of Up in the Air, I think it was a really well written script so a lot of the work was already done for him–I didn’t get the sense that a lot of his character choices were conceived outside the outline of the script. I imagine the director or producer read it and thought Clooney would be perfect for the role not because they needed him to bring his own interpretation to the character, but because he was a type that already fit the bill. He is a perfect fit and he delivers a great performance but this particular year he is in the company of men who simply outperformed him.

Colin Firth, A Single Man. Thank you director Tom Ford for reminding us that this man can wear a suit. I think my sister would give him an Academy Award based on the suits alone. Colin Firth is like the male version of Carey Mulligan in that he is as delightfully British as it gets. I wish that he was not up against Jeff Bridges because his performance in A Single Man is definitely Oscar worthy. Set in the 1960s, Firth plays a gay man who lost his partner of over 10 years in a car accident the year before. The flashback scene when we see Firth receive the phone call informing him his partner has died is a moment that would make even the most disinterested movie goer think “wow he’s good.” He physicalizes pain and loss in a way that will make you want to die before you have to lose someone that close to you. The movie itself moves a bit slowly but Firth engages his audience by using the element of discovery in each moment to build the journey of the character. The suits also help.

Morgan Freeman, Invictus. Morgan Freeman plays Nelson Mandela and I suspect that  this nomination was a result of America’s love affair with actors playing real people. We can’t help ourselves and we love any performance where we can say “Oh my word he sounds just like him! I remember when he said that thing in real life!” I haven’t seen enough footage of Nelson Mandela to form an opinion on how accurate Freeman’s portrayal was; I think Freeman is a seasoned professional and would take the proper measures to ensure he does Mandela justice. But after laying the ground work Freeman didn’t take the role any farther. I had no sense of the man’s history, no sense of where he was coming from. I know that Mandela became President of South Africa after over two decades in prison, but the goal of the actor playing him should be to uncover a man the public never knew. At the end of the day it was a sports movie not a biopic and the focus was never intended to be on the acting. So with all due respect, I sense you will be able to remain seated Sunday night. Mr. Freeman.

Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker. My professional opinion here is that…I love him. Ugh, that face. Ever since discovering Jeremy Renner in last season’s shortly lived television series The Unusuals I have been fairly certain that he is the man of my dreams incarnate. Putting aside Renner’s future role as my bf and returning focus to his role in this film, I thought he was a smart choice as he was a fairly unknown actor. Any A lister in the role could have distracted the film’s sense of reality. Renner’s ability to convey the addictive nature of military combat is moving from start to finish. His attention to detail in experiencing the mundaneness and horror of life in Iraq simultaneously is one of the most truthful interpretations of the conflict I have seen in film. For Renner, to paraphrase the Us Weekly I read while getting a pedicure on Tuesday, the nomination was his win. He did an excellent job and there is no question he earned the nomination but in Crazy Heart and A Single Man the actors were the essence of the film. The Hurt Locker was an extraordinary film before Renner even came on the screen.

Who should win: Jeff Bridges
Who will win: Jeff Bridges

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Liz: We’re like a family here. Hey Rick!
Fred: I’m Fred. Rick is the other black guy.
Liz: Happens to everyone, right Bev?
Bev: Yeah, happens all the time to my black husband.

Liz please, for once be honest with me, I want your real opinion. I thought the story was preposterous, I thought the acting was over the top, and I thought it was about an hour too long. It’s only 90 minutes.

Dear Tina,

Is Oscar week more fun than you were anticipating? No? Well it has definitely proved more stressful than I was anticipating as I am currently in Florida without an Internet connection but I continue to power through to prove my commitment to this job thing I’m after. So I’ll keep going and you can just let me know when you have found a position for me. On to Best Actress.

Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side. Yes, I finally saw it. The film that, for reasons that are still unclear to me, has propelled Sandra Bullock into the position of front runner in this category. Was it a good story? Absolutely. Was it a good movie? Sort of. What I failed to see was how Bullock performed at all outside the minimum requirements of this role. She did exactly what I thought she would do; she started off as a sassy, brassy Southern housewife and then became a sassy, brassy Southern housewife willing to shelter the homeless black kid whose muteness touches her tender heart. It was filled with predictable choices and more pauses for sentiment than a Hallmark commercial. I think Bullock accomplished what the director wanted from her, but if she truly deserved an Oscar for this performance than she should have told us something about this woman and these set of circumstances that we didn’t get from the preview. Or the plot summary on Wikipedia. This isn’t an attack on Sandra Bullock; I think she is a fine comedic talent but a plethora of actresses could have achieved this performance and the Oscars is an elite club that is supposed to single out the very best in film making.

Helen Mirren, The Last Station. Mirren plays Sofya Tolstoy, wife of Leo Tolstoy, in a role that is just one more tack on the “Helen Mirren, how do you do what you do?” board in my room. I have one for Lindsay Lohan too. Different circumstances there with that one. I won’t reiterate what a surprising delight I found this film (you can read or re-read the Supporting Actor post for more on that). I think Mirren was nominated for this role because the Academy acknowledges that as long as it’s not a Kevin Smith film she is starring in, the woman can do no wrong. The scene that had me hooked was when Tolstoy comes to visit her in her bedroom and she uses tactics akin to a newlywed’s to convince him to ignore the abstinence clause in his Tolstoyan Movement and come to bed with her. It will make you long for someone who will be that excited to love you after forty or fifty odd years of marriage. Mirren is always consistent and somehow manages to find ways to make the shrewish women the most sympathetic. Probably the least likely to win, I just like to commend her whenever possible because her talent is truly superior to most.

Carey Mulligan, An Education. If you could win an award for best performance by an actress that convinced me my youth was wasted on being American, than Carey Mulligan would take that prize. This is not to say that her British accent was the only satisfying part of this movie. Mulligan’s portrayal of the young British school girl Jenny was actually my favorite performance in this category. In the film, Jenny gets swept up in the world of adults behaving badly when she meets a much older male suitor played by Peter Saarsgard. Mulligan executes the perfect balance of genuine maturity and intelligence with the impressionable nature of a high schooler.  Her declarations to her parents of knowing better are insightful and witty and so, so British. I found that of all the women in this category, Mulligan was most successful at conveying the changes her character experiences over the course of the film. Her line, “I feel older, but not very wise” is painful in its poignant summary of what becoming an adult feels like. Mulligan has an honesty about her that makes you experience this life on screen in a very personal way. I just hope she doesn’t become the next Ellen Page, coming onto the scene with a bang and then two years later showing up as a spokesperson for Cisco. Downgrade.

Gabourey Sidibe, Precious. Like Mo’Nique’s performance in the same film, Gabourey Sidibe has the potential to be this year’s Cinderella story. A young girl plucked from obscurity without any acting experience is cast in the role of a lifetime. But in her case, her lack of experience did not make for quite so seamless a transition to the screen. She definitely earned the nomination as her portrayal was heartbreaking and for the most part well conceived. The fact that many who haven’t read anything about Sidibe assume that there are parallels to her story and Precious’s, I think is a compliment to her acting. Or it’s a slightly racist assumption. Take your pick. Where Sidibe lost me specifically were the scenes with her mom. I understand that the character feels shut down by her mom after years of physical and verbal abuse, but I still didn’t get the sense of familiarity that is inevitable in a relationship with a parent. I may not be articulating this well but I felt in these moments she was simply saying her lines rather than using her lines to communicate an intention. If she does win, I would be shocked, but overall fine with it. Eh.

Mery Streep, Julie and Julia. What would the Oscars be without a nomination for Meryl? Like I said, I don’t currently have access to the internet so I can’t research the official number, but I believe she has been nominated for an Oscar approximately 97 times. She is easily the most accomplished actress in film. Meryl probably could star in a Kevin Smith film and get nominated for an Oscar. All that being said, I actually found Streep’s interpretation of Julia Child veered more towards nostalgia than accuracy. I read a review of her performance that described it as a caricature which I think is a fair assessment. Part of the problem was the film itself which wasn’t all that well written or interesting a story. Aside from watching Streep play around with Julia’s quirks that we found so endearing when she was on television, the whole Julie and Julia package was a nonentity for me. I would be fine with Streep being nominated for a PSA for the Humane Society so no criticism on the nomination front, but I don’t think she’s going to be taking Oscar home Sunday night.  Even though it would be fun to see her win as her acceptance speeches are always a reflection of a true actress: crazy.

Who should win: Carey Mulligan
Who will win: Sandra Bullock

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Jenna: The source material was amazing. It’s hard to go wrong with a Kevin Grisham novel.
Liz: You mean John Grisham?
Jenna: Oh no, Kevin, John’s brother. Did you know that before Kevin was a novelist, he worked at a recycling center?

Hey Jenna, congratulations on your nomination… for worst supporting bra!

Dear Tina,

Well I just woke up from about an hour nap on the plane. I missed the refreshments cart and I’m pretty sure most of that time was spent with my mouth agape. So I think it’s a good time to get up. Oscar week continues with a look at the Best Supporting Actress nominees.

Penelope Cruz, Nine. Fresh off her Oscar win just last year for Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Penelope Cruz is nominated again for her role as Carla in the film adaptation of the Broadway musical Nine. Carla is mistress to Guido, a distraught Italian film director whose lifelong trials with women is the focus of this film. Maybe it was a challenging experience for her, but it certainly didn’t look like a stretch for me to see Cruz play the sexy, sensual woman with the ability to manipulate Guido’s attention as she pleases. Cruz is one of many supporting female roles in this film and after seeing the film, I see no reason why Cruz was singled out among the rest as worthy of an Oscar nomination. Sure her acting skills are more refined than Fergie’s, but the work she did with her character didn’t add anymore to the story than anyone else’s. Even the post-suicide attempt scene couldn’t accumulate enough drama for me to believe she deserves to win on Sunday. She had a similar set of circumstances in Vicky Cristina Barcelona and she was much more captivating then. If any of the women should have been nominated for this film, it should have been Marion Cotillard who is equally moving in both her straight scenes and her musical numbers.

Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air. It has probably been written at least a hundred times since the premiere of this movie that Vera Farmiga plays the female version of George Clooney. What was that like Vera?? As if her response was going to be “well I started dating a lot more supermodels and I now vacation in Lake Como.” I enjoyed Farmiga’s performance. I loved her character. Sometimes you watch actors rely on the type they think they are playing; they look to the original blurb they received from their agent to see if they are the hero or villain and play that idea to death. In this film, Farmiga’s character could have gone either way. So she wisely chose neither. Instead she interpreted the story in a way that would allow her to use the character’s baggage to her advantage and explore relationships with great joy. We discover truths about her life that may leave a bad taste in our mouths, but how Farmiga handles these confrontations with such maturity and frankness was the loop that tied this film together for me. We are adults, parties of one, and adult behavior doesn’t always have a Hollywood ending. I think she is a strong contender but falls short only when comparing her work to another’s in this category.

Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart. Of all the films nominated for acting awards this year, I would make Crazy Heart my number one must-see, but that’s not because of Maggie Gyllenhaal. Gyllenhaal plays a single mother-writer who falls in love with country singer has-been Bad Blake after she meets him during an interview. She gave a solid performance but I think what happened here was all the light shining on the outstanding performance by Jeff Bridges spilled over and onto Gyllenhaal, leaving the Academy with the impression that she was better than she maybe actually was. She is a great actress and by no means did she fail this role, but I didn’t feel like I saw anything new from her. I think an actress with more of an edge, a bit more rawness to her, would have been more appropriate in the role. Think Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler. I agree with those that pointed it out to me, that there was something too put together about her for us to believe that she would fall in love with such a wreck. More on that wreck later in the week.

Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air. I always feel a little awkward for the two actors or actresses that are nominated in the same category for the same film. Luckily I won’t lose to much sleep over this matter as neither will win come Oscar night. Kendrick plays the overly-assertive, fresh off of Cornell’s campus, new employee at the firm George Clooney works for. She is eager, and somehow gets permission, to change the company’s entire system, in order to cut traveling expenses, by utilizing computer webcam technology. Just like they do on Chat Roulette. What Kendrick does in this movie is show a lot of potential. She delivers the naiveness of this character without commenting on it and yet holds her own with intelligent assertions that can only come from the idealistic mind of a young 20 something. She was a necessary contrast to the self-interested work ethic of George Clooney’s character. Kendrick’s ability to hold her own against a power player like Clooney was noted and appreciated. Still, I say that while Kendrick has many more promising roles in her future, this is not one that will garner her an Academy Award.

Mo’Nique, Precious. I guess we should start off by acknowledging that Mo’Nique will win the Academy Award on Sunday. If my review of the other four hadn’t made that clear yet. And if her acceptance speech is anything like the one she gave at the Golden Globes, I can’t wait. When it comes to Oscar season, Mo’Nique’s is the classic underdog story. Not even underdog, really, as that would imply that she was ever on the playing field to potentially receive this type of accolade. We’re dealing with the co-star of The Parkers after all. Mo’Nique’s performance as Precious’s mother Mary reaches a level of skill I don’t think anyone saw coming. When I wrote about Stanley Tucci, I criticized the role for its inability to give insight into this man’s frame of mind. Mo’Nique’s performance is a great example of this contrast, finding the person behind the villain. Don’t get me wrong, in no way does she cause you to sympathize with Mary’s plight or make you want to excuse her atrocious failures as a mother, but she manages to provide answers as to why Mary is the way she is. The final scene at the social worker’s office, in what many considered the best moment of the film, could be described as raw and gritty if such overused words did Mo’Nique’s transformation justice. Her willingness to explore the versatility of a character we see as one-dimensionally evil are the marks of a truly good actress.

Who should win: Mo’Nique
Who will win: Mo’Nique

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Liz: Do not bother Jack. He’s in a very weird place right now.
Tracy: Bebe Jackson’s condo?
Liz: No.
Tracy: A children’s clothing sore in Dubai?
Liz: No. Stop guessing!

Everyone wins awards except for me. Even Shaquille O’ Neil got a Kid’s Choice Award for that animated movie we did.

Dear Tina,

Today is the first day of the Dear Tina Oscar extravaganza. For the rest of the week I will spend each day looking at one of six major categories, offering my two cents on each of the nominees and who deserves to win. As a reminder I selected all of the acting categories as well as Best Director and Best Picture. If I were a writer I may have included the screenwriting awards but I’m not so I didn’t. We kick things off with Best Supporting Actor.

Matt Damon, Invictus. Unfortunately when I went to see Invictus, I went to a theatre that may have been older than the town itself. There was a piano at the front of the house and I can only assume that it was there from the days they had live musical accompaniment alongside silent films. The sound quality was so poor at this theatre that I had to strain myself just to make sense of the dialogue. While I would like to blame the theater for what was an overall lackluster experience, I am afraid that the blame lies with the film, a fantastic true story told with not nearly enough historical context. Matt Damon plays Francois Pienaar, team captain for South Africa’s national rugby team. In terms of execution, I thought Damon had a good handle on exhibiting the athleticism of a seasoned rugby player. What Damon failed to do was convey the man’s emotional journey through the sensational circumstances of the film. I feel confident saying you are not going to be able to manage the stress of your President’s expectations just by looking longingly out the window the morning of the big game. Despite what the character accomplishes over the course of the film I never detected any change or growth from him. I wish that the movie itself had a better script because Damon’s efforts indicate he was up to the challenge. However, in the end Damon relied on the excitement of the game to dictate the tone of the film rather than using his role for the audience to experience this historical event from an inside point of view.

Woody Harrelson, The Messenger. When I first committed to seeing the eighteen movies nominated in these categories, The Messenger was only playing at the Gene Siskel Film Center for one weekend. Why the distribution of the film was so low, especially when it has garnered an Academy Award nomination, I do not know. By and large it has to be the best kept secret of this year in film. The movie is about a soldier played by Ben Foster who has just returned from Iraq early after getting injured. Upon his return, he is assigned to the Army’s Casualty Notification service, responsible for informing next of kin their loved one has died in service. Woody Harrelson plays the seasoned professional of this two man team and becomes a sort of dysfunctional mentor to the young man. Our initial introduction to this no nonsense, militaristic man is a stark contrast to the hippie, free  spirit we have grown accustomed to seeing in Harrelson’s work. Harrelson doesn’t give you much time to decide whether or not you are going to buy his act as he flawlessly executes a monologue detailing the strategy and protocol behind this military procedure. It was the perfect jumping off point for a performance that’s tragedy lies in the necessity and inevitability of this job. As an actor you are taught that listening is a key tool in learning how to react authentically as your character–responding to what the other is giving you in the moment. Harrelson’s response to Foster’s retelling of his last days in Iraq is one of the most gut wrenching scenes I have seen on screen in a long time and he does it without any dialogue. It is a performance that will elevate his career into the realm of drama and while winning the Oscar on Sunday would be considered an upset, rest assured it would be well deserved.

Christopher Plummer, The Last Station. Of all the movies on my list to see this season, I was probably looking forward to this one the least. I had seen the preview ad nauseam this winter and aside from a few clever quips here and there, it looked pretty dull. So you can imagine my surprise when the lights came up in the theater Thursday night and I turned to my friend and said “I kind of liked it.” The Last Station is the story of Leo Tolstoy in the last year of his life as he continues to develop the Tolstoyan movement, much to the chagrin of his wife Sofya played by Helen Mirren. Not knowing anything about the man prior to seeing the movie, I have no frame of reference to judge whether or not Plummer’s Tolstoy was accurate. The beard looked dead on but that’s not what gets you nominated for an Oscar. I can say that what I liked about Plummer’s work was his ability to put this literary genius in scope of regularity. This may rub some people the wrong way, those that prefer to elevate their idols–authors, composers, athletes–to a realm above the rest and keep them there to be worshiped. I prefer to watch the portrayal of a historical figure, in this case someone who has been credited as the world’s most accomplished writer, as they existed in their daily routine. Isn’t that what makes creative minds like that so fascinating? To know that a man can act as foolish as the simplest lout in the privacy of his bedroom and yet possess a mind capable of penning War and Peace? Not to mention he has the best line of the movie: “You don’t need a husband, you need a Greek chorus!”

Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones. Since this is the only time I will be discussing The Lovely Bones I just need to take a moment and say that this was a truly terrible movie. As someone that read the book, I can acknowledge that the original story by Alice Sebold was not the strongest piece of fiction ever created but at least it worked towards things like character development and oh, I don’t know, rising action. That being said, I think the quality of writing in the screen adaption made it near impossible for even Stanley Tucci to give a performance worthy of an Oscar. Tucci plays the demented neighbor of young Susie Salmon who he goes on to murder (Susie is played by newcomer Saoirse Ronan and delivers the breathiest voiceover I have ever heard. I almost hyperventilated just from listening). If the writer or director had allowed any one element of this story to develop beyond the basic establishment of plot points, than Tucci may have been able to use his skills as an actor and provide insight into the mind of a serial child killer. Some might argue that they don’t need to know why someone so awful does what he did but I ask, then, what is the point of telling this story? To see the result of Peter Jackson futzing around on his computer to create images of a contrived Heaven? The entire movie revolves around this murder and yet an opportunity never arrises for Tucci to explore the psychosis of the character who commits this despicable act. This story was so poorly put together, by the end I had barely learned the characters’ names, so understanding how anyone had changed as a result of Susie’s murder, as the voice over implies I should have, was a wash.

Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds. The assumed victor in this category come Oscar night is Christoph Waltz who plays the deceptively ruthless SS officer, Col. Hans Landa. If there was ever a character in recent film history that so perfectly embodied the idea of “speak softly and carry a big stick” it is Waltz. His power is enormous yet reserved. Of the five actors nominated in this category, I would credit Waltz with being the only one who I felt fully immersed himself in this character. He is uncannily specific in his movement and in his speech. Everything he does from the way he orders an attack to the way he orders a glass of milk, Waltz makes choices that directly relate to the character’s intention. The story itself is a well written one, but Quentin Tarantino was blessed to have an actor of this caliber deliver the role in a way that I can only imagine exceeded his expectations. Waltz’s ability to steal the movie with a supporting role comes from usurping his power with a calmness and subtlety that gives him full control of his scenes without ever letting the other characters know it. It is a wonderfully executed character study and even if you are not a fan of Tarantino’s, as I did not consider myself, I recommend watching this movie to experience Waltz for yourself. It’s a bingo.

Who should win: Christoph Waltz
Who will win: Christoph Waltz

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Liz: You think Tracy get special treatment?
Jenna: I don’t think. I know.
Liz: Well I coddle the crap out of you too!  You’re online fan club, that’s me.  I made Frank set that up as punishment after he farted in my chair.

We could cut the lesbian scene. But the Oscars love that kind of thing……There’s two guys at my gym named Oscar.

Dear Tina,

Well the end of another week and as always, a few lessons learned. 1. I should strongly consider setting my alarm one minute earlier and make time to put eyeliner on in the morning. Thursday I looked like a corpse. My skin tone being the color of death did not help. 2. Trying to explain to a first grader that subtraction is just the opposite of addition is like trying to make the argument to me that a prune is just a larger raisin. Useless. Um, I tried a prune this week and it was disgusting. Raisins are delicious. I am currently mentally gagging at the memory of eating it. 3. When you are walking down State Street in Chicago and the Lake Street subway station is two cement slabs away from you and two surly looking 20 somethings ask you where State and Lake is…keep walking.

Before I ventured into the city this late afternoon, I stopped by the tape store to rent some must-sees come March 7th. Briefly, I will not stop calling it the tape store as it still calls itself “Video Adventure.” I walked out with The Hurt Locker and A Serious Man. Not to be confused with A Single Man which features Julianne Moore as what I want to be for Halloween next year: a drunk British divorcee with a killer hairstyle. I mention this as a segway for my official announcement that Dear Tina will be featuring an in depth analysis on the major Academy Award nominations. A couple of weeks ago my friend Daniel and I sat down and figured out what exactly we needed to see before the big night. Not that you have any reason not to believe me, I just want you to know that a spreadsheet was involved.

So we (I) have a lot of time on our hands, so what? But I am now determined to see every nomination in the following categories:

• Best Picture
• Best Director
• Best Actor
• Best Actress
• Best Supporting Actor
• Best Supporting Actress

This way I can discuss each category without having to apologize for being inherently adamant about something I haven’t seen. I am also mentioning this now so that over the next week and a half, I actually go do what I am promising to do. And it should be stated that this is a major commitment here. I mean, does anyone want to see The Lovely Bones? No, they do not. You can’t even get Peter Jackson to sit down and watch that with you. But alas Tina, everything I do, I do it for you (sometimes my writing is inspired by Tina, sometimes Bryan Adams). I have seven films left to watch and about 10 days to get it done. Even if it means going to a movie by myself, I will persevere all in the name of mediocre journal writing. So come March 7th, if I announce that I have not done what I said I would do, feel free to shame me so I remember never to make public promises again.

Before I retire, in television news, Tiger Woods held a press conference today. I would have gone on and on about this but he and the story bore me to death so there is little point in that. You don’t need to explain anything to me Tiger. My interest in your personal life is about as enthusiastic as my interest in your golf game. Longest. Speech. Ever. I bet Elin even changed the channel and watched a rerun of Shear Genius instead.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Jenna: People always underestimate my instincts because of my good looks.
Liz: This is no time for back door bragging!

Did you just make a sports reference? Do you know how little of that I get here?

Dear Tina,

Alright I tried. I really felt like as someone that is trying to establish herself as some kind of television maven, I should pay attention to major television events. So I turned on the Super Bowl and was immediately overstimulated by all the lights and colors and words I didn’t understand; it was like someone tripping on acid going to Disney on Ice. I just don’t like sports. Sometimes I want to pretend I do so to my sports-minded friends I don’t come off as some kind of liberal vegan artist who hollowed out the television set in her living room and used it to grow an organic herb garden. I played sports when I was younger; I played softball for four or five years in elementary and middle school. The entire time I played I thought my dad was one of those terrible sideline coach parents because I would always hear him calling out to me from the bleachers telling me to keep my head in the game. I found out years later that he did that because he could tell I was never paying attention and he genuinely worried I was going to get hit in the head with a ball. The truth is, I think sports are boring and there is no reason to sit through hours of something I don’t understand for the sake of telling other people I did. My athleticism ends at having slightly above average flexibility and a willingness to take the stairs instead of the escalator. Also, while I do like to bring my television point of view to the masses (Dear Tina viewership hit an all-time high of 105 back in January and numbers have been slipping since so…tell your friends!) I should never lose sight of the fact that this blog was created for the sole purpose of getting a job. And as long as Tina doesn’t care if I don’t watch the Super Bowl, I don’t care. Plus, frankly even though the Super Bowl is one of the highest rated television events of the year, it is still a sporting event and should not fall under my realm of things to care about. Not when I prefer to spend most of my time caring about what Andy Cohen is doing.

So for reasons that relate to my dad watching the Super Bowl on the first floor, and my mom watching Erin Brockovich on the second floor, I am in my room sans television and therefore plan on discussing the top five pop culture events that are on my mind at the close of this weekend. The top five of course means the first five that come to mind, as I tend not to spend much time ranking my thoughts.

1. The dopplegangers on Facebook. Here’s the thing with celebrity dopplegangers. The vast percentage of celebrities are, by law (right?), required to be extremely attractive. So when you put up a picture of Jessica Simpson for your doppleganger because you also have blonde hair, it’s just inviting a comparison that we will soon discover is only marginally accurate. Or in some cases, terribly inaccurate. Facebook is a tool that, for the most part, should be used ironically and sarcastically. And to make sure that the guy you like is still seeing that girl whose celebrity doppleganger is Amy Winehouse and hating him for it. The only acceptable ones I saw were Suri Cruise and a furby. Because that’s hilarious. In case you were wondering, I did go to myheritage.com to find out who mine would be. For the sake of the experiment and because I have a platform to discuss it, I used three very different pictures of myself. The first was a picture of myself taken at Maifest Chicago last Spring. The second was my college headshot. And the third was a production shot from Imaginary Invalid. Here are the results.

And finally, with 66% accuracy, we have Zac Hanson when he was 11.

With 78% accuracy, we have Jodie Sweetin.

With 58% accuracy, we have Paula Deen.

I’ve always thought the missing link between Mrs. Butterworth, Steph Tanner, and the original Jonas Brother was my face. This is why I chose not to participate.

2. Sandra Bullock has proclaimed that she is not going to win the Oscar for Best Actress. Sandra recently said:

I’m so not winning an Oscar,” Bullock said. “Nine times out of ten I always pick who’s going to win. And I already know who’s going to win. I’m not going to say, but nine times out of ten, I’m right.

While we’re all hoping the same thing Sandra, you saying this just makes your inevitable win ten times more annoying. I like humble when it’s believable. I find it insincere to defy the predictions for the sake of wanting your surprise face to seem genuine. With that said, from today forward, I vow to stop giving Sandra Bullock such a hard until I see the movie because I agree it’s not fair for me to judge something I know nothing about. In the mean time, let us read together a blurb from New York Times movie critic A.O. Scott’s review of The Blind Side.

And Ms. Bullock’s brisk self-confidence can be appealing — until it becomes annoying. The biggest problem here is that her character never changes, never experiences a moment of doubt or guilt or selfishness, and after a while her display of goodness sinks into vanity.

We’re talking an ACADEMY AWARD here people. I’m just saying. Read Scott’s review in its entirety here.

3. Sarah Palin told Fox News Sunday that it would be “absurd” for her to rule out running in 2012. No, what is absurd was your basketball analogy during your resignation speech this past summer– “And I know when it’s time to pass the ball – for victory.” Absurd was you writing a memoir. Didn’t you notice once you went back to Alaska no one was asking about you? Absurd was trying to find ways to blame Katie Couric and the “gotcha media” for your incompetency. You ruling out running in 2012 would actually be, according to antonyms for absurd found in my thesaurus, reasonable, sensible. There are only two good things that would come out of you running in 2012. Number one, it would surely invite Tina and her dead-on impression of you back to Saturday Night Live. Number two, you would lose.

4. The “Pro-Life” advertisement airing during the Super Bowl. You may have heard about this controversial ad featuring 2007 Heisman trophy winner Tim Tebow and his mom. Promoting Pro-Life values for the website FocusOnTheFamily.com, Tebow’s mom Pam talks about how when Tim was little, she considered having an abortion…or something. Those details turned out to be rather vague in the actual spot. The commercial had everyone up in arms which I was kind of surprised by with an issue like abortion. Either way, the important thing to remember is that it’s not changing any minds. Everyone has their own opinion on the subject and watching Pam Tebow get tackled by her son is not going to be the spark that sends Roe v. Wade back to the Supreme Court.

5. Hilarity brought to you by mockumentary gem Modern Family. Speaking of the Supreme Court, I would just like to end with the hilarious joke from last week’s episode of Modern Family. I feel like I haven’t spent enough time discussing how brilliant this show is. I’ll get there one day. In the mean time, just watch it because you’ll laugh. All the time.

Cam: My dream for him is that one day, he’ll be on the Supreme Court.
Mitchell: Why Cam?
Cam: So at parties I can tell people my partner is one of the Supremes.

Go to Hulu.com and watch the actual clip. It is from the “Moon Landing episode” and begins at the 1:30 marker.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Jenna: As you probably know, especially if you read Page Six…of my publicist’s emails, I have decided to cut my hair and donate it to charity.
Kenneth: But Ms. Maroney, why would you cut your beautiful hair?  You look just how I picture Mary Magdalene.