Dear Tina,
So last night when I was having a whale of a time at my weekly dinner with friends in the city, it was brought to my attention that today’s Oprah would feature a story on the new movie Babies. As I am known for having slightly intense adoration for anyone under the age of two, it was recommended that I tune in. Reminded of my burning desire to see the film, I appealed to my friend Daniel yet again to accompany me to the theater (I’m still not comfortable enough in my own skin to attend movies by myself). Our dialogue went something like this:
Me: Don’t act like you want to see Babies with anyone but me.
Daniel: I’m not acting like I want to see Babies with anyone.
I don’t know if it was my reaction to the preview for Babies when we went to go see An Education in the winter that turned him off (you may have described my giggling as incessant) or if it’s the fact that I pronounce the world “little” “yiddoh” whenever I talk about babies (which is frequently). Either way, he’s not on board.
So this morning at around 9:30 am, thirty minutes after Oprah begins airing in Chicago, I turned the television on and what did I discover? Simon Cowell! No babies! The first 40 minutes of the episode was a sit down interview with one of my all-time favorite television personalities. I couldn’t believe what I missed. Lucky for me, Chicago re-airs Oprah at 11 pm and so I pushed past my initial instinct to go to bed at 6:30 (it was a long day) and watched the interview in its entirety. For the record, my friends were not lying. Babies did appear in the segment that followed. But Simon trumps everything. Even yiddoh babies.
Here is a list of ten things I learned from Simon during the interview. In no particular order.
1. He has no memory of Kelly Clarkson winning season 1 and her abundance of success which followed. When asked about the success of the winners, the only two he mentioned were Carrie Underwood (yes) and Fantasia Barrino (no).
2. He had to move back in with his parents at the age of 30. There is hope for me yet.
3. Among many others, there is a Bulgaria and Slovenia Got Talent series. I wish Piers Morgan judged them all.
4. He remains friends with all his ex-girlfriends. Simon, would you consider a friend becoming your girlfriend? And by friend I mean at-home viewer.
5. He has tea and cucumber sandwiches every afternoon. I literally thought the only people who did that were the characters from The Importance of Being Earnest.
6. He regards Paula Abdul as a survivor.
7. He hopes the person who replaces him on American Idol is comparable to him only in his discernible taste for talent — to search for someone who is merely British and snarky would be unproductive. You might as well hire Madonna.
8. He felt bad about his initial reaction to Susan Boyle. Should I feel bad about my current reaction to Susan Boyle which is to say…apathetic?
9. He thinks he’s too old to be a dad. He is.
10. He admits that the finale of American Idol this coming Wednesday is going to be emotional for him. I hope the producers to decide to film the entire episode in split screen. One camera on whatever is going on stage, the other on Simon. I don’t want to miss a wink. Literally.
It’s the end of an era. I miss him already.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Kenneth: Ms. Lemon, it’s me, Kenneth Parcell, the page. You probably didn’t recognize me in this new page uniform.
Liz: I recognized you, Kenneth.
Dear Tina 