And like children, they can’t be reasoned with. You just put a little whiskey in their juice bottle and wait for sleep to save you. That won’t work. Jenna is immune to whiskey, and Tracy is afraid of juice.

Dear Tina,

After last weekend when I decided to play the role of a nineteen year old and celebrate my birthday for a grand total of 108 hours, I realized that I am in fact not the woman I once was and these crotchety 24 year old bones of mine are in dire need of rest time. Insert a weekend dedicated to raising funds for Project Cath. I have downgraded Summer of Cath to Project Cath as I have not made a dollar since June 12 and in two weeks I am going to inherit about $1000 worth of monthly expenses. No more time to live life fancy free when I haven’t a clue as to how I’m going to put food on the table. I really never thought my life would become a deleted scene from Crooklyn but alas I am entering a time in my life that proves sometimes you really do need to take a penny.

Where am I going with this? Well if you’ve been keeping up with Dear Tina you know probably nowhere, but in this case, I am trying to tell you that I spent the weekend with the children I abandoned just five short weeks ago, returning to the position I wear as comfortably as men’s XL sweatpants: the nanny.

It’s funny how quickly you fall back into a routine. It probably wasn’t more than five minutes before I was saying “Do you want more grilled cheese? Then you need to finish your fruit and drink some more milk.” (Nanny Cath is such a bitch.) “No that wasn’t nice of him to throw your book but I think you can find a nicer way to ask him to stop.” (Ugh, who invited this chick back?)

We got to spend a little time at the pool, the children’s museum, and I think everyone even got to spend a little time in time out. What I realized is that I don’t miss nannying. I miss those kids, but nannying? It’s a part of my past. I may not be getting paid for what I’m doing right now, but I have co-workers. I have bosses that connect directly to my career goals. I have problems to solve and challenges to meet. It’s stimulating what I’m doing now in that there are opportunities for growth. When you’re a nanny, once you figure out how to launder 6 loads of clothes within eight hours and empty a dishwasher in less than two minutes, you’ve kind of hit your peak.

So while I hope to stay in touch with this family for as long as possible, I was reminded this weekend that I made the right choice in leaving and the sacrifices we make (ie having less than $100 in our checking accounts) usually work in our favor when we have the patience to look at the bigger picture.

Here is a highlight reel from my reunion weekend:

• Boy seven year old putting fake chocolate ice cream down the back of my shirt at the Children’s Museum and saying “Haha, look you’re pooping!”
• Girl seven year old saying “You become an adult when you graduate from college.” If I had a match.com profile, I would include that quote.
• Said whilst dressed in a cat costume: “When is my mom getting home? Ok remind me in five minutes. I’m going to hide and when she comes in I’m going to say “meow.'”
• The following dialogue occurred while sitting on the couch. The “gate” was just her hands:

Her: Open the gate. Pick some flowers…How many flowers did you pick?
Me: Six.
Her: Ok. You have six boyfriends…Oh my God you have six boyfriends!
Me: Oh, I should have picked 100.
Her: Are you boy crazy?

• “Lets have a fast walking contest.” Post Contest: “No, no, the person who reaches the couch last is the winner.” Of course he is.
• “Do they have pens in college? How many?”
• “Catherine will you tell mom about the girl I did a cannonball on?”
• “Will you be back tomorrow?” Ugh, no. Break my heart.

As they say, all’s well that ends well. And I left with some cash in my pocket and a credit card bill to pay on Tuesday so…wash.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Jack: I developed this presentation in 2002 when Colleen attempted to lengthen her Christmas visit to Martin Luther King Day or as she calls it, “that day in January when the post office is closed.

I’m gonna tell you people what I really think of you!…I have watched you throw away better food than my family eats at Christmas. And I. Have. Loved it! You people. You are my best friends. And I hope you get everything you want in life!

Dear Tina,

In case you lost track of your calendar, today was my official last day as a full-time nanny. It’s weird. I thought I would have all these impulses to celebrate this occasion with a cocktail (or eight) or burn something representative of my job while blaring George Michael’s “Freedom.” I don’t even know what that would be. Sidewalk chalk? A bottle of laundry detergent? The point is, it’s not so easy to be excited about leaving a job when what you’re leaving are four beautiful children who you’ve watched grow up for almost three years. The youngest one I met when he was six days old. Now he walks to me and hugs my legs when I enter a room. I remember taking the middle one to the candy store on his third birthday so he could buy gummi fighter jets. Now he comes home telling tales of woe as all the girls in his class chase him around the playground before the bell rings. The oldest boy would struggle reading the word “the” when he was in kindergarten and now comes home saying he did all his homework on the bus. And his twin sister who once clung to me in the pool as we moved toward the deep end, just made the swim team.

So how do you say goodbye to that? Not with a kick in your step, I’ll tell you that much. But as a babysitter you have to accept the fact that you can’t be a part of their lives in that capacity forever so you have to recognize when it’s time to move on. My twin bed tells me it’s time to move on.

Hopefully by mid-summer I’ll have something lined up and can put my organizational skills and killer immune system to work in an office that contributes to the 401k I don’t currently have. In three years I called in sick one day. And that was after every single member of the family got strep throat. For the second time. I’m just saying.

To make the transition a little easier for me, here is a brief list of some aspects of the job that will be easier to part with.

• Holding a child up to do the monkey bars which he sees as an opportunity to fart on my chest.
• Answering the question “Are you married?” on a monthly basis.
• Trying to pick a 30 lb baby up while holding a laundry basket filled with four days worth of folded clothes for four children.
• Setting up a slip ‘n slide.
• My cell phone being the only tool in my possession that will soothe a crying baby while out in public.
• Play-doh
• When asking “what do you want for lunch?” receiving the response, “nothing.” Twenty minutes later, “why didn’t you make my lunch yehhhhhhhht?!”
• Nose picking.
• The trail of water from the first floor bathroom to the garage when filling up water guns. Why use a garden hose when you can use a porcelain sink?
• Faking my way through the correct pronunciation of species during Dinosaur Bingo.

But for the most part, I’ll miss it. And them—the most.

I’m very fragile. Now would be a good time to hire me Tina.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Carol: There’s this one Fart Doctor sketch where Fart Doctor’s trying to figure out who farted in the spelling bee.
Liz: He who spelt it, delt it. I wrote that! I wrote all the Fart Doctors!

That’s a sharp tie you’ve got there Dennis. That douchebag up front made me wear it.

Dear Tina,

Today begins the week that marks the final week of school. This should mean very little to me as I am two years…ugh…past celebrating the end of a school year. But as a nanny I am susceptible to secondhand joy over those final days when you get to play outside until bedtime because you are no longer assigned homework. Of course when I was in school my favorite end of the year tradition was cleaning out my already tidy desk and/or locker, but we don’t need to delve any further into that portion of my personality.

Then of course there is the handing out of the yearbook. A catalog of all your friends and enemies complete with a selection of pictures from the halloween parade and that day you went out to the field to look at blades of grass with a plastic magnifying glass. I glanced through this 2009-2010 edition to see if much has changed since the early 90s when I was in elementary school. That there is. There appears to be an astounding number of  parents who feel it is necessary to make their children wear a jacket and tie for picture day. Even if by astounding I mean three (I am fairly certain there were a handful more than that), it’s too many. One would be too many. I just scanned my yearbook from the 1995-1996 school year and not one child, Kindergarten through Fourth grade, was wearing a tie. The most repeated trends were Bulls jerseys and overalls, which are both awesome. Children have their whole adult life to look great and pompous in a suit. Why force them into something professionals don’t even wear to the office anymore? Especially when all they want to do is wear a shirt that they tie-dyed themselves at day camp. It seems like such a false sense of maturity for someone so young. It’s a school picture yet it says a lot more about the parent than the child. Don’t put someone in a suit and tie who doesn’t even have the fine motor skills to tie it themselves…nor the attention span to sit and learn how. Remember that a yearbook photo is meant to crystalize a child’s place in the world at that moment. We should never be rushing our littlest ones into a dress code that coexists with a lot of handshaking and scotch served neat.

When I was in fourth a grade a classmate brought his dad’s old briefcase to school instead of a backpack. We never let him live it down.

Onto television. I know it’s Monday night and I alluded to recapping The Bachelorette on a weekly basis a few weeks ago. The truth of the matter is, I haven’t been around from 7-9 the past couple of Monday nights nor have I set a series recording on my DVR as I believe this would subconsciously encourage me to invest opinions and emotions into men that consciously horrify me. Plus, too much attention paid can only make their behavior worse. Like a two year old throwing a tantrum in public. But I also realize that this manfest has already ended and now we are just watching edited down snippets of Ali’s adventures from two months ago so my interest or lack thereof plays no part in how this story unfolds. So next week I will try to keep my word.

I did catch a portion of the rebroadcast this past Saturday while I was at homing nursing the four gaping holes in the back of my mouth. Here is a context-free excerpt from my brief notes:

His white Miami Vice jacket is longer than him.

Also, in The Bachelorette title card that appears at the end of virtually every segment before a commercial break, Ali looks like The Little Mermaid. Which is appropriate because her laugh reminds me of Flounder.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Pete: We haven’t been able to find you mom.
Tracy: I gave Kenneth the info.
Pete: Her name might be Sheryl and she was wearing a shirt in 1984.

My body is telling me several things. First of all, I need to start working out; that kid was killing my arms. Number two, I can be very happy with a baby that looks nothing like me and didn’t bake in my oven. Three, I need to let myself have a personal life.

Dear Tina,

I turned on the TV tonight at 8 o’clock only to discover that Gossip Girl was not all-new as I had anticipated. In its place was a re-airing of The Hurt Locket episode; surprisingly not directed by Kathryn Bigelow nor set in Iraq. But it did involve a locket so I guess that warrants a small pat on the creativity back for the CW (pretty good for a network who viewed the minimal success of resurrecting Beverly Hills 90210 as a sign that they should bring back the even less popular among their demographic, Melrose Place.) So with a DVR downstairs filled with unwatched television, I did not feel compelled to watch The Hurt Locket again. I was also recently shamed at a social gathering into thinking maybe I shouldn’t be watching Gossip Girl anymore (due to its dwindling quality and my age) but as Susan B. Anthony once said, “I do what I want!” and so I plan on gleefully tuning in for the last four episodes that begin airing next week.

Also, I just went to the CW’s website to confirm when Gossip Girl would be returning (it is, in fact, April 26th) and learned that Smallville is still on the air. Wait, what?  And the guy still doesn’t have his Superman cape? Get rid of it.

Well it turns out this was all a blessing in disguise because I have some pretty epic news for Dear Tina. This evening at around 5:15 pm I officially quit my job. My tenure as babysitter will officially end come mid-June of this year. My announcement to my employer went something like this:

Well, I was fully clothed when it happened, but the sentiment was about the same.

Although I didn’t anticipate such an emotional response to come out, in a way I guess it’s better. My greatest fear in taking this step was that the family I work for would never understand how difficult this decision was for me or how much their children mean to me. It has always been easy for me to talk flippantly about my job or whine about not getting the career I want right when I wanted it (just ask my parents) but now that it’s happening, now that I’m closing this chapter in my life, it breaks my heart. I was thinking a lot this evening about the first night I met them when I interviewed back in 2007 and my first week alone with the kids when I thought I wouldn’t last through July. I’m not a mom so I don’t pretend to know what that relationship feels like but as a babysitter who has been a part of a family for almost three years (minus the 9 month hiatus I took also known as my senior year of college) I love those kids more than I could ever articulate. The thought of not being a part of their lives in such a full capacity is one that, well, I just choose not to think about right now.

On the bright side, this slightly depressing life decision was the most important stipulation in order for Cath 2010: The Year of Cath to move forward. With that daunting task crossed off my to-do list, I can also tell you that I will be moving into the city in August. Did you think I was quitting just to spend more time lounging? A fair guess considering how much time I spend in these posts talking about how much I love a nice couch, but no. I actually do have major plans for myself. I don’t have a job yet but as I approach my 24th birthday and 2 year anniversary of graduating from college, I deemed it time to throw myself into the adult world and say goodbye to homemade dinners and disposable income.

What have I done?

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Jack: Where are you going? You have a rehearsal about to start.
Liz: I stole a baby. I’m taking a half day.
Jack: Fair enough.

Yeah, but you couldn’t have been serious about acting for a living. You have brown hair.

Dear Tina,

I’m heading out for the evening. Off to a friend’s birthday party. Someone I know through my brief and unpaid experiences in professional theatre. I’m not upset about it–unpaid work in theatre is like having a $50,000 starting salary for a Finance major. My mom told me to wear something artsy. I think I should wear what I wore to work on Thursday–yoga pants and a University of Illinois Alumni t-shirt. That way people will know I have a college degree yet I’ll look like enough of a mess to convey that I still have no career. I think it will be a great conversation starter that may lead to a job opportunity. You know it’s all about networking these days. This morning I worked for another family for a couple of hours, you can think of it as freelance babysitting, and had to once again go through my explanation for why I have a degree in Acting and do not want to be an actor. They nodded and smiled in that “You would have been better off with a degree in Geology” way. They left and I spent the next two hours telling a dog to get off me and trying to decipher the word “gebah” coming from the two year old. Translation: zebra. Nice try kid. Maybe if you were an Acting major you would have better diction. I’m just saying.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Pete: You still don’t know what the title is?
Liz: No. No one does. It’s gone on way to long to ask her about it. Could it be “Rule her Gem her?”
Pete: No that doesn’t make any sense. It’s got to be “Oral Germ Whore.”

“UR V8K8SH1 iz baqon.” Hey Cerie, what is this text you sent me supposed to mean? Your vacation is back on.

Dear Tina,

We knew it was coming. The end of my vacation. Monday I head back to work bright and early. It will feel comforting I’m sure, to reaffirm what I’ve known all along is still true: the five year old forgot to do his homework and one of the six year olds can’t find her brush. That and the fact that during my time away I was able to use my solitude as a reminder for how much I genuinely love and care for those children. We all need to time to ourselves but at the end of the day, you’re better off sharing your time with the people who value you. And how can you not value the person who makes you scrambled eggs and toast in the shape of a sun? I mean, she’s a delight.

While technically tomorrow is Sunday and therefore the last day of my vacation, it also happens to be Easter. So the fact that I have to spend part of my day ironing pants and then wearing ironed pants means that I can’t really consider it a day to relax.

Before my vacation/staycation began, I created a to-do list with 25 items on it I intended on completing throughout the week. I just checked back in with that list and as it turns out I completed 12 of them. Not too bad, but also, kind of bad considering about six of the completed tasks were just calling offices to make appointments for various conditions I have that need attention–like wisdom teeth. Now, one of the 25 items had a question mark next to it and was only written to make it a solid 25 so let’s say for my sake that the list only consisted of 24 projects and therefore I managed 50%. A solid F. I do wish I had made it to the currency exchange like I planned. Those 283 pesos I have from a trip to Cancun in 2008 could have been used towards buying at least a pack of gum once converted to American dollars.

I did allow the side of me that is not such a severe task master to partake in some leisure activities that were not on my list. Like leisurely sitting around the house. Let’s take a look at some highlights from Catherine’s Staycation 2010.

As you may recall from a post earlier in the week, I reorganized my closet. But again, I’m pretty tidy in general so this project was more about throwing away old birthday cards and making room for some more shoes.

While in my closet I decided that even though they were put away, my pictures were not in proper order. I also found an old shoebox filled with negatives and realized that holding onto the thought that I might ever use them one day is what brought the hoarding affliction into mainstream television. So I threw them in the garbage and found some great labels to categorize my life in pictures. When everything was in its proper place, I realized that the proper place for many of the miscellaneous items was the rummage sale and an Amvets truck. Unless someone reading this would like my high school graduation shoes, I plan on discarding the many pieces of junk as soon as possible. I hope I don’t get the urge to start beading necklaces again because that kit is going to be long gone.

Eventually I climbed out of the dark hole that is my closet, although begrudgingly, and spent some time in the sun. Shout out to Chicago for providing some amazing weather this week. I went out for a couple of bike rides and even managed to break a sweat. I’d say that had more to do with the sun than my personal effort but we’ll still consider it a draw.

After my first biking adventure I was reminded how badly I needed new gym shoes. Normally I’m the kind of shopper who would appreciate as little assistance as possible. But I set aside my fear of social interaction for the hour and went to a store in Wilmette that gives you specialized attention so you are sure to walk out with the right pair of shoes for your feet. Turns out I have a tendency towards leaning in when I walk. I was hearing things like “corrective shoes” and I started to get all clammy picturing myself in that contraption young Forrest wore in Forrest Gump before he ruined it on a jog. But then the man brought out a pair of Nike’s and I realized that he was mainly just trying to explain that I can’t wear the same pair of gym shoes for four years.

I didn’t spend as much time reading my book as I would have liked. I only have about 200 pages left and thought I might be able to get that taken care of at some point during all that lounging but it never seemed to take. I did, however, spend more time than I usually do reading the paper. The fall after I graduated from college I was only working about 12 hours a week because of my internship so in that time I became a bit of a crossword enthusiast. Now, since I usually leave the house at an hour before my brain can perform any task other than brushing my teeth, I don’t make time to rifle through the newspaper to find it and take it with me. So Staycation 2010 allowed me to become reacquainted with my favorite puzzle. I may have glanced through an article or two while I was at it, but if I did it was probably about Justin Bieber. You know his album was number one this past week, right?

So there you have it. My week in pictures. Unfortunately I didn’t think to snap an image while I was at the endontics office, or better yet, while I was watching TV, because I certainly never abandoned that longtime companion. But I think this selection wraps it up pretty nicely. Right now I can hear what sounds like possums fighting on the street corner below. What is this, Compton? Save it for Andrew Garcia. Goodnight.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Jack: I get it. This is a two way street. Alright, Jerry, what NBC shows do you want to be digitally inserted into?
Seinfeld: I like LOST. Is that you guys?

The place I go to has private beaches, soft served ice cream machines, and after the French custom, people wear dark socks to the beach.

Dear Tina,

I should be scurrying off to bed right now because normally I would have my alarm set for 5:45 in order to get ready for work in a timely fashion. But you may remember, since you read about it only yesterday, that the family I babysit for is out of town and therefore I am on a week long vacation. So my alarm is set for never and if I wake up before 9 am I plan on staring at the ceiling for at least an hour soaking up the luxury of not spending my morning laundering dinosaur printed underwear, among other items.

According to my weather tracker, tomorrow is supposed to be in the low 50s. I should probably take advantage of this March heat wave Chicago is experiencing and head down to the beach for awhile. Maybe not in a swimsuit as I’d hate to catch a cold. Then again this week is technically my spring break and we all know how rowdy things can get on spring break. So in honor of that tradition I may just have to throw on a wetsuit, pack a cooler filled with one Corona and an individual portion of tortilla chips in a sandwich baggie and indulge in an authentic spring break experience.

It will not be possible to have any errors in judgement this week because I have no responsibilities and therefore no expectations. So if by Friday all I’ve managed to do is brush my teeth, comb my hair, and sleep more than 8 hours every night, my vacation will be deemed a success. I may want to throw in items like “work on my scrapbook” or “get some fresh air” but I really don’t want to pressure myself.

On a more sincere note, I do plan on dedicating a good portion of my time off promoting Dear Tina to the masses. This will hopefully lead to a daily viewership above the mid-twenties. It’s nearly April. I think it’s time get the word out. As much as I truly appreciate my family and friends reading this everyday, it is now March 28th and it has become pretty clear that none of them have a connection to you nor do they plan on creating one for my benefit. Rude. So my plan is to kick this blog into first gear and hopefully, eventually, someone at the Today show will hear about it and they’ll do a personal interest story on me and after showing video of me lying in bed typing on my computer, they’ll cut back to the studio where I will be sitting with Al, Ann, Matt, and Meredith. Meredith will ask me what my dream is and I’ll say it’s to meet Tina and then you’ll enter stage right and surprise me with an employment contract.

Just trying to keep the dream alive Tina. Happy staycation!

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Liz: Oh my god, Jack gave you two flu shots?
Tracy: They said it was a flu shot.  But I know it was really a truth serum.
Liz: It’s not a truth serum.
Tracy: Then why am I telling you that you look like Tootsie today?