This may come as some surprise to you, Jack, but I was kind of a lonely nerd in high school.

Dear Tina,

You know how when you look forward to something for months and months, you talk about it all the time, you express excitement to everyone around you, and then when it comes time to finally experience it, you are completely disappointed? Like Charlie Wilson’s War or the entire fifth season of Sex and the City? Well if I had any suspicion that this might happen tonight with the re-premiere of Glee (I didn’t), I was wrong (so I wasn’t). I suspect the enthusiasm was mutual as the energy of the entire cast seemed to be emitting a slightly out of character joy that said “Finally! We’re back on TV!” Finally is right.

In case you don’t watch the show let me give you a brief refresher course in where everyone stands. Mr. Schuester, a Spanish teacher at the same high school he attended, decides to bring the Glee club back to the world of extracurriculars and serve as their sponsor/vocal coach; the only problem–only the high school’s most ridiculed outcasts want to join. In order to gain popularity, Mr. Schuester blackmails the football captain Finn into joining to serve as the male counterpart to the talented-beyond-her-years female starlet Rachel. Finn is dating cheerleader Quinn who cheats on him and gets pregnant via fellow footballer Puck. Quinn tells Finn (Quinn and Finn…I’m just now hearing that) it’s his. Finn finds out, they break-up. Rachel now has an opportunity to step in as Finn’s girlfriend, her dream since their first duet, “Don’t Stop Believing.” You should also know that the coach of the Cheerios (that would be the name of the cheerleading squad), Sue Sylvester, has planted cheerleaders into the glee club in order to bring down the club internally. Her objection to the club is due to the fact that it will potentially take funding away from the cheerleaders. Three other football players are also now in the club (one being Puck) and the reason for that…we’ll just say is irrelevant because I can’t remember. Also, Mr. Schuester was married to his crazy high school sweetheart but after she pretended to be pregnant (with plans to adopt Quinn’s baby without telling him) and he discovered the fake bump pad in her underwear drawer, he left her and is now after the school’s social worker Emma. Are we up to speed? Good.

We are meant to believe that the series is picking up almost right where it left off and in the couple of weeks since the glee club won Sectionals, Rachel and Finn have managed to begin a relationship. While the final episode in December left the slight impression that this was a possibility, I regret not being able to see how their courtship developed. Although the relationship is definitely one-sided, Rachel does make it hard to match her level of devotion after all, at some point they must have mutually agreed that Rachel was allowed to refer to Finn as her boyfriend. Or if they didn’t have a mutual agreement, at some point Finn gave up trying to tell her this wasn’t going to work and that decision might have been even more entertaining to watch than the former. “I think I’m dating Rachel. Or at least, she sure thinks I am.” Regardless, Finn reaches a breaking point when she presents him with one of two identical relationship calendars where she has photoshopped their faces onto the bodies of kittens and written in all of their upcoming plans including attending Phantom at the Autistic Children’s Center. The absurdity and downright obnoxiousness of Rachel’s personality is brilliantly placated when Finn breaks up with her and she melts into the vulnerable teen she normally tries to mask for the sake of her success. Here lies the brilliance of this show; that, despite the overlying caricatures of these high school rejects, no character is so annoying or far-fetched that they become unrelatable. We forgive Rachel’s overbearing nature because we recognize the validity in the point she makes to Finn, “I’m the only person in your life that knows you, and accepts you for who you are.” Sure she tries too hard, but she makes you feel like it’s something to admire–allowing yourself to want something so badly that you’ll do anything to get it. Maybe if we all had that approach to life we would spend less time complaining about what we don’t have and more time celebrating what we’ve accomplished.

There is a silver lining to the demise of the Rachel-Finn relationship, and that is the introduction of the Jesse-Rachel relationship, a modern day Romeo and Juliet as Rachel points out. See, Jesse is the male lead in their glee club’s biggest competition, Vocal Adrenaline. Rachel meets Jesse while skimming through song books at the library. Good thing there was a piano in the library because Jesse has a song in his heart and the arrogant belief that everyone around him would like to hear him sing it. Rachel and Jesse duet Lionel Richie’s “Hello” and before Mr. Richie can say “Where’s my royalities check?”, Rachel has fallen in deep. You can hardly blame her. Jesse’s talent is rival only to her own and he’s a senior. “I’ve got a full ride to a little school called the University of California in Los Angeles. Maybe you’ve heard of it. It’s in Los Angeles.” You should also note that Jesse St. James is played by Jonathan Groff who shared the Broadway stage with Rachel’s Lea Michelle in the original production of Spring Awakening.

Does this sound too good to be true? Of course it does! They wouldn’t hire Lea’s real life gay best friend to play someone who she should actually fall in love with! Where’s the fun in that? Just as the rest of Rachel’s fellow glee club members feared when they heard about the budding romance, Jesse is using Rachel to get inside information that he will eventually use against them in competition. As a former high school theatre kid, I can vouch for the realism behind all of this drama and manipulation. Watching this all unfold is like reliving my fondest memories at New Trier High School. And who might you ask is really behind Jesse’s evil plan? Well, the Vocal Adrenaline head coach played by the one and only Idina Menzel, Tony award winner for her role as Elphaba in the musical Wicked. It’s as if creator Ryan Murphy asked Broadway’s number one fan who he would want at a dinner party and then invited all of those people to star in this episode. Also, Idina and Lea Michelle look uncannily alike. If Ryan Murphy dares take this show in the direction of his first hit Nip/Tuck, Idina will turn out to be Rachel’s biological mom and maybe become a seriel killer, but Ryan usually waits until season three to develop that level of crazy.

The one part of the episode that was mildy and very surprisingly disappointing was the music. Unfortunately the writers were limited to songs with the word “hello” in them. The reasoning behind this, as dictated by Mr. Schuester, was confusing and weak by the way. Something to do with learning to say “hello” to each other again. I wasn’t following. However, mildly disappointing on Glee is still extremely entertaining. Rachel’s cover of “Gives You Hell” by The All-American Rejects had the pop vocal and dance moves that we have longed for since December. Personally, I think they were just trying to keep our heart rates at a normal level because next week we have the Madonna-inspired episode with Rachel singing “Like a Prayer.”

It’s going to be momentous.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Tracy: This is better than a family.  No one around here asks me for my damn bone marrow.

Yes. This is the sweet spot. Oh, and no chit chat between songs this year. People don’t watch Letterman for Paul Schaffer.

Dear Tina,

I am all out of sorts. I’ve been postponing writing a post on American Idol until the 17 episodes they schedule in one week were through. Well, now we have the results, our top 12, the moment we’ve been waiting for, and we are up two 16 year olds, down two talented contestants: Alex Lambert and Lily Scott. I was all ready to crow about my new favorite Alex Lambert and off he goes tonight, never to be heard from again. Meanwhile I have to sit and listen to Aaron Kelly sing another country song he is completely out of touch with next week. Can you tell I’m bitter? I’m even typing bitterly. Like Anna Kendrick in Up in the Air. I hate that 16 year olds are even eligible for this competition. I want the age bumped up to 18. A tolerable 16 year old singer is as rare as a pregnant panda bear. This year we had Justin Bieber so we won’t be needing another one for another 10 years, when Justin Bieber’s voice will change. It was truly a heartbreaking scene tonight. But let’s rewind and take a look at some of this week’s most memorable performances.

First the ladies.

Worst Song Choice: That would have to go to Paige Miles who sang “Smile” by Nat King Cole Tony Bennett Michael Jackson Jermaine Jackson Charlie Chaplin. As the judges told her, this was her last chance at winning over the hearts of America in order to amass enough votes to put her in the top 12. And as we who have watched this show since season one know, if you don’t make it to the top 12, well it’s kind of like you were never on the show to begin with. Paige was good and boring. Like my recitals with the Musettes sophomore year of high school.

Best Song Choice: Crystal Bowersox sang “Give Me One Reason” by Tracy Chapman. I don’t know how this girl does it but she manages to find the perfect song for her voice and style yet popular enough to please the audience. I think it is coming as a surprise to most that someone who looks nothing like our idea of a pop idol, is participating in this mainstream, commercial contest. Not to mention the success she is having. Crystal is a clear favorite and has been for awhile. What’s nice about this favorite is that she has the goods to back it up. If she keeps making smart choices like the Tracy Chapman number, Crystal could potentially win the whole thing. And wouldn’t that be refreshing?

Worst Performance Overall: Can I get an oy? Katelyn Epperly. She sang “I Feel the Earth Move” by Carole King and accompanied herself with an electric piano that she may have found in the basement of a children’s museum. She looked like Ross on Friends when he brings his electric piano to the coffee shop to play his “music.” Or like Kelly Packard’s character on TNBC’s hit California Dreams. It couldn’t have been more awkward. I felt like I was at an audition for a high school talent show.

Best Performance Overall: Didi Benami. There you go. Recovering from last week when she was ripped to shreds and then was so upset she couldn’t even respond to Ryan who kept badgering her with inane questions like “It’s hard to talk right now…isn’t it?” Didi performed “Rhiannon” by Fleetwood Mac, a song I had never heard before Tuesday night and I’m glad I hadn’t because it made me appreciate the quality of Didi’s voice even more. Her decision to stay on the acoustic track for her final performance before the top 12 was announced, despite last week’s criticisms, shows a great sense of awareness of what her strengths are. Didi isn’t someone that is going to shine with a showstopper. Her appeal comes from the sweetness of her voice and the way she travels through her range with such ease. We don’t need to see her take a swing at “And I Am Telling You” because that kind of music is irrelevant to the type of musician this woman is going to be. “Rhiannon” was a brilliant selection and she executed it with confidence and a sense of ownership of the lyrics. A video of the performance has been included below.

And now the men…

Worst Song Choice: It hurts me a little to say this but I have to say Andrew Garcia. Yes I know. Compton Danny Gokey. While we’re on the subject, in response to his glasses, I’m considering changing his nickname to Compton Harry Caray. Andrew Garcia selected “Genie in a Bottle” by Christina Aguilera. This poor guy is reminded every week that his acoustic rendition of “Straight Up” by Paula Abdul during Hollywood week was the best thing he could have ever done. So apparently he now has nowhere to go but down. Simon called last night’s performance “desperate” or a synonym that sounds equally acidic coming from a British accent. Andrew is clearly trying to chase the surprise delight of a pop song revamped acoustically but this is now the third week in a row he’s been told it’s not working. He did make it through to the top 12 so maybe it will help him to have fewer options than any single that has ever been on the Billboard charts when we move into theme weeks. My advice would be to try something completely different than he’s done since he entered the competition. Like, maybe lose the acoustic guitar (God forbid). My guess is that next week during the Rolling Stones themed episode, we’re going to hear an acoustic version of “Paint it Black.”

Best Song Choice: Alex Lambert. I still can’t believe he’s gone. Alex sang “Trouble” by Ray LaMontagne. Ok, sure, he could use more confidence especially if he has the intention of pursuing a popular music career. But this guy had–easily–the most unique sounding voice left in the competition. With that, he knew exactly what songs would showcase it in the most successful and pleasing way. A skill that many of his counterparts have yet to achieve. There is a sentiment to his tone, something very emotional, and all of his song choices, particularly “Trouble,” enhanced that.  When I watched his performance from Wednesday, I was already anticipating buying all of his Idol performances on iTunes for as long as he lasted; that’s how much I enjoyed his voice. It’s such a shame. I was even starting to like his mullet.

Worst Performance Overall: “Somebody to Love” by Queen performed by Todrick Hall. I agree with the judges that it was his best performance of the last three weeks. Not hard to do when your performance the first week was basically a scat rendition of Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone.” I know this is a terribly biased opinion, but you’re dealing with a passionate Glee fan. If “Somebody to Love” isn’t going to be performed by Finn and Rachel with a killer high note at the end from Amber,  I don’t want to hear you even try. That goes for Queen as well.

Best Performance Overall: The best performance came from Michael Lynch who sang “This Woman’s Work” by Maxwell. I refuse to call him Big Mike the way Ryan does because ever since seeing The Blind Side I imagine that no one really likes that kind of nickname. He challenged himself, he moved around the stage with confidence, and he pulled off a song that I’m sure no one would ever expect him to sing. He even made Kara cry (oh brother). People are still really drawn to the fact that he and his wife had a baby a few weeks or months ago so that added to the emotion of a performance dedicated to how hard…women…work. That may always help him, but the fact of the matter is Michael has been consistently good and last night he elevated himself onto a whole new level of competition. Suddenly the guy who my sister asked last week “is that the bodyguard?” has been singled out as the contestant to beat.

To close, I just want to say that Randy Jackson must have a lady friend or something around this season because I have never seen him so animated and enthusiastic. Maybe it’s just the robin’s egg blue watch that keeps his spirits up. Either way I welcome the adjustment, I just wish he would put the kibosh on booing every time Ryan introduces Simon during a live episode. Every. Single. Time.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Liz: Oh! No! Thanks. I don’t want anything to do with MILFIsland. That show is kind of the lowest common denominator.
Jack: The critics said the same thing about Shakespeare.
Liz: Yeah buy Shakespeare never had a Confessional Shower sponsored by Dove Pro-age.

This is unbelievable. Last week I was just a street performer making 50 bucks a day and getting memory loss from all the silver paint fumes.

Dear Tina,

If you were underwhelmed by the ladies’ performances on Tuesday night, then I hope you knew to crack open a Red Bull or take a hit of ecstasy because it only got worse. We’re going to get right to it for those that are still feeling fatigued from spending two hours trying to decipher if you were watching the top 24 or a rerun from auditions week. I know I am.

Todrick Hall kicked off the night with his own rendition of “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson. Whoever arranged this piece forgot the value in maintaining what made the original song a hit. Fine if you want to slow it down, change an instrument, have a man sing it, but make it entirely unrecognizable and you’re only going to hurt yourself (and my opinion of you). I like him because he has a background in theatre but if he experiences amnesia and next week does a rap version of a Kenny Chesney song, he may need to find the exit.

Aaron Kelly sang “Here Comes Goodbye” by Rascal Flatts. I just don’t have any patience for someone who comes into a competition of this magnitude looking like he gelled his hair and borrowed his older brother’s shirt for the junior high school dance. Also, the singing was bad. So lose-lose.

Jermaine Sellers was up next and sang “Get Here” by Oleta Adams. What? Why? I know that the theme of the week was Billboard hits so that leaves you with decades of options–what was your second choice? “Papa Loves Mambo” by Perry Como? Why would you pick a song 12 year olds have never heard of or would ever like to hear? You should know if you’re going to go on American Idol that they’re the ones voting for you. Also, the singing was bad. Third contestant to go and already a pattern is developing…

Then we had Tim Urban with “Apologize” by OneRepublic. This is where I would stare at you with wide eyes and slow blink for a minute to convey my feelings. But this is a blog and I only have my words. Just like Leo Tolstoy. He was called in after another guy had to leave the competition. Clearly the judges saw something in him that originally made them say “he’s not good enough for the next level.” And last night America got to see that something as well. I think he may have hit every note that he was incapable of hitting. I would also like to say that this is now the third season in a row someone has performed that song. Moratorium.

Joe Munoz came out and did Ryan the favor of making him look tall for the first time ever. He sang “You  and I Both” by Jason Mraz. I can see why Mr. Mraz’s music would be appealing to a lot of contestants because he has such a pleasant tone that he makes his songs sound easy to sing. I myself once had a dream that I sang “I’m Yours” in an arena sized venue and received a standing ovation. However, in this case Joe bopping and snapping along to it was not the right choice. Also, I don’t think Joe got a second of air time prior to this so he virtually has no fan base other than his mom.

Tyler Grady remembered to show up, much to my dismay, and sang “American Woman” by Lenny Kravitz. He’s still riding on the fact that Victoria Beckham told him he had a cool look when in fact he looks like an extra from the Forrest Gump Washington Monument scene. I think I went to the bathroom during his performance.

Lee Dewyze sang “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol and officially secured himself the role of the “alternative rocker.” When in fact he has about as much rock in him as David Cook did, which was minimal. I like him though. I can look beyond the phoniness of someone thinking they are maintaining or building a”rocker” image through American Idol. What I couldn’t look beyond was his infuriating message tee that I, nor any of the people I was with when I watched it, could not figure out what it said or meant. If anyone knows please tell me. Truly though, he is one of two men in the competition I like. Maybe one of three.

John Park got the audience grooving to “God Bless the Child” by Billie Holiday. And then I performed “Muskrat Ramble” by The McGuire Sisters. Seriously guys this isn’t just bad song choice anymore this is like I felt like sleeping in so I just let me mom pick for me. John Park was another one who was barely featured on the show before the top 24 and he thinks he will garner our attention with that? Maybe if you sang it brilliantly. Good thing you didn’t sing it brilliantly so we don’t have to consider these hypotheticals. It’s time to go home. See you back in Northbrook, hope I run into you at the mall.

Michael Lynche or “Big Mike,” as America collectively feels the need to call him, sang “This Love” by Maroon 5. And smiled from ear to ear the entire time. I’m glad you were having so much fun but this isn’t really about fun. It’s about me judging you and my verdict is–bring that grin in, and put the guitar down because you don’t appear to be using it. His version of “This Love” also felt really fast to me and I think the syncopated rhythm of that song is what makes it work. He’ll stick around for awhile because his wife gave birth while he was in Hollywood so people find that charming. People meaning not his wife who might appreciate a husband at home as she raises a newborn.

Alex Lambert (not Adam, wah!) went with “Wonderful World” by James Morrison. His voice sounded nice but he looked a like a dog who just got out of the bath: shivering and wanting despearately to be back in a warm cage. I think I am going to boycott Alex Lambert until he trims the mullet. It’s the loudest thing about him and even that is shades of beige.

Casey James brought the most annoying segment of the episode and it wasn’t even his fault! He sang “Heaven” by Bryan Adams (more enjoyably performed by DJ Sammy) and did a lot of schmoozing with the camera. Casey, you may remember, attracted the attention of sweet Kara during the auditions so that received a lot of play from the judges. Not only did they carry on about how Kara felt about Casey in Casey’s video intro but then every single judge had to make a comment about it when he was done. Even Simon. I was disappointed. I’m sure he’s going to make it to the top 12 but there’s something about him that is not working for me. It’s something about thinking his ticket to the top is his charisma but he doesn’t actually have any.  Shrug. We’ll see.

Finally after two long hours, we finally saw a glimmer of hope in the form of Andrew Garcia (Compton Danny Gokey). Andrew sang an acoustic version of “Sugar, We’re Going Down” by Fall Out Boy. I was anticipating his performance all night long and so it was soul crushing to discover that none of the judges really liked it. Normally Simon can say anything and I’ll agree with it but that was not the case with Andrew. Simon threw out one of his favorite words “indulgent” which I thought was unfair because I didn’t see any difference between the way he sang that song and the way he sang “Straight Up,” the piece they all can’t stop crowing about. Despite the fact that Andrew looks like Harry Caray in those glasses, he is virtually our only hope when it comes to the men. So, please, be good to him judges. You’re going to give America the wrong idea and then we’ll be stuck with a couple of 16 year olds in the finale.

Whew. I just wrote that whole thing in one breath. A note about this post and the one from last night. As I have said before, I am trying to be conscious of length. I didn’t intend to write about all 12 girls last night, it just kind of developed that way. Having done that, I felt obligated to do the same for the men. Future formats will only revolve around stand out (good and bad) performances. For my sake and more importantly, yours.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Liz: As a frequent leaver of drunken messages, I can tell you no good can come from this.
Cerie: As a frequent receiver of drunk messages, they are not cute, even when they’re from Liz.

I’m already not liking some of these people. It reminds me of being on the bus.

Dear Tina,

Last night American Idol kicked off what I thought was going to be a brief venture narrowing the top 24 contestants down to 12. Turns out, this process is going to take three weeks. Isn’t the more efficient option to have them perform once and Simon just pick the six men and six women who did the best job to compete in the top 12? Although I guess when you are raking in millions of dollars each week from advertisers, efficiency isn’t really your bag. This season in particular it might be good to have that time before we head into the big leagues. That way it will give Ellen more time to get comfortable with live TV and Kara more time to get that kink out of her neck. Or does she keep moving her neck back and forth like that to inject a little New Jersey attitude into everything she says? Hard to tell.

The first live episode is always crucial (if you take this show seriously like I do) as it allows you to judge for yourself if those selected by the judges deserve to be there. Or if, maybe, they should have instead selected the 28 year old with the voice of an angel who has a child with a disability and who was eliminated during Hollywood week in the season before last a week after her father was murdered you heartless heathens. So it’s fun. I have to say that first moment before the show starts when Ryan is walking down the human hallway with six contestants on either side of him and then says “THIS is AMERICAN IDOL,” if I were one of those girls I would get so overwhelmed with excitement I’d probably go cross eyed. I mean, really, could they have created a better “I’ve made it!” moment for you? After the opening credits the contestants were blessed with some solid advice from Randy: “You gotta be great or you gotta be mad at yourself. It’s up to you to wreck the stage with your vocals.” Oh Randy, sometimes I just want to pat your belly and ask you where you got your robin’s egg blue watch. Let’s take a look at our top 12 girls.

First up was Paige Miles. In the notes I took last night I have written “psigr miles” but that can’t be right. She sang “All Right Now” by Free and got some pretty great feedback including a “best female singer in the group” from Simon. All positive notes were followed by a lot of “wrong song” notes. My advice to all American Idol contestants, current and future, steer clear of any song featured on the Now and Then soundtrack.

Next was Ashley Rodriguez singing “Happy” by Leona Lewis. I liked her since her audition in Boston but boy did she take a wrong turn last night. She looked and sounded how I would sing that song if I was listening to it in the car at 4 in the morning while trying not to fall asleep at the wheel: screechy and absurdly animated. Judges concurred. Simon then dropped the “I think you’re going to be in trouble” bomb on her. I actually think he says this to contestants he wants to see go home because he is keenly aware of his ability to sway voters.

Janell Wheeler was third in line and sang “What About Love” by Heart. I didn’t write anything about her last night and then this morning when I wrote this I had to go on americanidol.com to figure out who the only contestant I left out was. So…I think that sums up my thoughts on Janell.

Lilly Scott came on after and sang “Fixing a Hole” by The Beatles. Her performance was great, original, she received more than one “that’s what I’m talking abouts” from Kara alone, and is sure to be safe in this first round of cuts. What I’m concerned about is what we learned in the short video we saw before she started singing, that last year when she was nineteen, Lily was living out of her car like a homeless person or Jewel. Then we see her parents sitting in the audience. Um, Mr. and Mrs. Scott, why was your daughter living in a van as a teenager? Clearly you don’t have some kind of tumultuous relationship. Can I hear your thoughts on this? Because I think if I was living in a van at 19…or 35…my parents might knock on my van door and ask if they might be of assistance. Just curious.

Katelyn Epperly. Oh man. That was a lotta look. Tim Gunn, can I get an Amen? If you were a costume designer for a Lifetime made for TV movie and you had to convey a nice, quiet girl succumbing to temptation and rebeling against her parents and drinking wine spritzers on a thursday night when she should be at volleyball practice this would be your checklist: high volume and kinked hair accessorized with a feathered barrette, magenta lipstick, enormous gold earrings, leather tube dress, lace tights, and black leather stiletto platforms. Welcome to Katelyn’s first impression on America. The judges seemed to like her singing fine; I on the other hand was too distracted by that lipstick that I was secretly hoping would somehow get smeared on Ryan’s forehead.

Haeley Vaughn sang “I Want to Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles. Haeley is one of those girls who is so nice you don’t want anyone to say mean things to her because she’ll just smile politely while they do. But unfortunately in this case she really needed to hear what Simon had to say which was, “it was just for me a complete and utter mess.” I love the British. Hopefully next time her vocal coach will keep her performance in a more manageable range because if we have to have a 16 year old in the top 12, I would pick her. We don’t have to have a 16 year old in the top 12 by the way. Also, she looked like a 1950s nurse in her outfit.

Lacey Brown was a nonentity singing “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac. She’ll probably go home tonight. She got a “beautiful eyes” comment from Simon and, really isn’t that all you need? She reminds me of Christina Hendricks from Mad Men so maybe if American Idol doesn’t pan out for her she could find someone with gray hair to be her musical John Slattery and they could become a singing duo? Maybe Lilly Scott?

Michelle Delamor sang “Fallin’” by Alicia Keys. Yes, and so did that girl in season 2 for her audition. Moratorium on all Alicia Keys songs on Idol please. Also, girl is a diva by her own accord so my interest in her went out the door the first time she made enormous hand motions to cue the band when to rest as you might expect from Whitney or Aretha. Or a Maestro.

Didi Benami sang “The Way I Am” by Ingrid Michaelson which was perfectly suited for her voice but then of course the judges came at her with how boring they thought it was. Sometimes this show is a lose-lose situation. You pick the wrong song or the wrong artist and you get ripped to shreds; then you pick a song in your range and style and you’re told to take more risks. It was a little boring and picking a song that was only on the Billboard charts because it was a big hit on Adult Contemporary radio stations is not the best move but we can’t all sing “Mad World” and get standing ovations. I miss Adam Lambert already.

Siobhan Magnus sang “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak and for me it was ok except for the beginning when she sounded like Amanda Bynes pretending to be a man in She’s The Man–that was not ok. I guess it got better, the judges seemed to not hate it, but where she really lost us was when she started talking after the performance. Simon asked her why she chose that song and she went into a explanation with less pizazz than a video tutorial on how to install dry wall. Simon made a sassy comment about her personality and I shed a tear at the thought of him leaving us.

Crystal Bowersox and her one man band sang “Hand in My Pocket” by Alanis Morrisette. She may be my favorite but I have to agree with the judges when they said it was good but she could do better, something more interesting and less predictable. She made a quick rebuttal about not being allowed to sing original music and I’m glad that didn’t get too much play because there is nothing more annoying than listening to original music on this show. Original idea, sure, you testing your songwriting abilities on America, save it for youtube. Crystal seemed to like Simon’s idea of doing something by David Bowie. I hope she picks “Magic Dance” from Labyrinth.

Katie Stevens closed the night with “Feeling Good” by Michael Buble Anthony Newley and Leslie Bricusse. Why does Michael Buble continue to get credit for that song? David Foster must be giving someone money under the table. I hate to bring him up again but I will for the sake of sweet Katie. Remember last season when Adam Lambert sang that song? And they provided him with a set that rivals the Academy Awards? And he wore a white suit? And he sang the business out of it? Yeah, the song kind of needs that. You on the other hand were dressed for an eighth grade Valentine’s Day dance. You sang with the dimpled sweetness I would expect from most 16 year olds which is only appropriate when singing songs like “Knock Three TImes” by Tony and the Dawns, and again we’re saying no to the Now and Then soundtrack.

So there you have it. Just for putting up with all that, I offer the best exchange of the entire night. I laughed so hard I went back and watched it again. Simon is explaining to Ryan that in picking the right song you should want it to be as memorable as your first kiss.

Simon: Come out here, do something and prove to everyone watching this show I am different, unique, and I’m a star. Rather than indulging yourself and that’s the problem.
Ryan: I didn’t think of any of that during my first kiss.
Simon: That probably went both ways.

That. Man.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Devon Banks: You know what they say about rumors Jack? They make a “ru” out of “mor” and “s. ”

Now that you’re free, we can work on something together. Yeah! We can start our own network called “Bitch TV!” … or the second idea we think of.

Dear Tina,

I don’t think I have ever mentioned this before because I guess there has never been a reason. I have made it, hopefully, fairly clear the television shows that I think reign superior over network programming today. Taking first and foremost into account the quality of the writing, followed by the quality of the acting and then overall consistency of the show.  I’m sure over the past month and a half or so, I have neglected a few but that’s what the next 314 days are for. What I have regrettably been neglecting is a show that is no longer with us; one that no longer has the opportunity to be praised by me on a weekly basis. And that show is of course Arrested Development. Hands down, one of the smartest, most entertaining shows in–yes I’m going to go there–the history of television. I know that The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet had a strong showing in the 1950s but I don’t think Ozzie ever dressed up in his child’s dead wife’s maternity clothes. So…subpar to say the least. I bring this up not because I am about to go into a long, eloquent piece on all that made Arrested Development so wonderful. Uh, nor have I ever made an attempt to put something eloquently. I mention it with news that Will Arnett and Arrested Development creator Mitch Hurwitz are in talks to reunite for a new show. First a movie and now this?! Be still, my beating heart. The premise, according to nymag.com, has GOB Arnett playing “a rich Beverly Hills jackass who falls in love with a charitable tree-hugging woman who can’t stand his lifestyle or values.” Put that guy on a Segway and we are in business! Just the idea of a new sitcom with this kind of talent attached, it’s like the return of all that once was good on FOX. It is unclear if this show is being prepared in time for pilot season with the potential to air at the start of the Fall season. I strongly encourage all parties involved, that if this is not the case, make it so. Will Arnett’s guest stints on 30 Rock, though perfection, were a tease. Putting him back on the small screen on a consistent basis is the best television news I have heard since the announcement that The Tyra Banks Show was going off the air. COME ON!

http://www.hulu.com/watch/1208/arrested-development-office-magic

Please note in the above clip, the presence of Phyllis from The Office.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Liz: Hey Frank, what do guys like?
Frank: Uh, porn.
Liz: No. I mean if you were going to go on a date with a woman, how would you want her to act?
Frank: Like she was in a porn.