Dear Tina,
Things are getting pushed back a day here. Normally I dedicate Tuesday’s post to Glee and Wednesday’s post to American Idol. However, tomorrow night is Simon’s last show and personally I believe this event to be far more important than whoever is crowned the next Ford spokesman singing sensation. Since I will be attending my weekly Wednesday night dinner and then entering a period of mourning while I digest the reality of Simon’s departure, I have decided to postpone recapping American Idol until Thursday. So with my entire weekly schedule totally out of whack, what am I to do? Well as it turns out, I’m in luck. Tonight, for the first time Jesse James opened up to Nightline about the extramarital affairs that cost him his marriage to Sandra Bullock. It must be kismet. I even managed to stay up until 11:05 to watch the interview in its entirety.
I had never heard James speak until tonight. It may come as a shock that in all my television viewing I never once landed on a show that was filmed in a garage, but for me James was merely the tattooed man in overalls sitting next to Sandra Bullock picking food out of her teeth on Us Weekly’s “Stars: They’re Just Like Us!” page. He talked about their courtship, how he had preconceived notions that she was a Hollywood “bitch” and once he met her, when she came to his garage to buy a motorcycle for a family member, he felt instant attraction (Really? To Sandra Bullock? Where stunning meets amazing? Weird.). He said he had to ask her out several times before she agreed to go on a date with him and, well, history tells you the rest.
The story of two physical opposites overcoming their assumptions and falling in love is sweet and hopefully opens a lot of women and men up to the idea of not judging a book by its cover, especially when it comes to love. But I guess I was hoping that in listening to James speak on this matter, I would see something in him that explained why someone who seems as sophisticated and intelligent as Sandra Bullock would take him as her husband. I didn’t get that. This interview felt like listening to a parent reprimand her son for getting his girlfriend pregnant and his only response is a shrug. I am the first to say that when it comes to celebrities, none of them owe us any explanation for their private, adult behavior. But James signed up for this. He agreed (if not requested himself) to a lengthy discussion as to why he would cheat on his wife. The woman has won an Oscar for heaven’s sake! His inability to articulate the extent of the pain he has caused his wife and children left me with the impression that he doesn’t have the maturity to comprehend what his behavior has cost anyone but himself. Marriage is an extremely adult experience that requires each partner to be a better, more giving person than they think they know how to be. James said something that indicated he never felt deserving of someone as wonderful as Bullock and he was essentially waiting for the day to come when she would leave him. While this all sounds very humble, to enter a marriage with the the belief that it’s not forever, regardless of who is doing the leaving, is reckless. Not to mention the fact that to say such a thing discredits your wife and the vows she took and upheld through the entirety of your marriage. I just don’t have patience for a man (or woman) who claims that the reasons for his (or her) sligths are rooted in feelings of not being good enough. Well she married you, you must have done something right, so the “I’m not worthy” speech is moot.
What I did find meaningful was his admittance that it wasn’t just his adulterous behavior that made him a bad husband. It was his whole lifestyle–the motorcylces, the stunts. I can’t imagine being married to someone who causes you to frequently worry whether or not the afternoon activity they signed up for is going to kill them. I get upset if someone doesn’t wear a seat belt. To put your wife through that kind of stress over a hobby of yours, yeah, that makes you a bad husband.
To be honest, reflecting on this post, I feel a little uncomfortable even commenting on this story. Despite the fact that Sandra’s face was on every cover of every tabloid magazine for about a month, that doesn’t put me in a position to understand or judge her husband and their marriage. I guess I just get a little agitated with men that parade their tales of woe after being identified as the cause of the problem at hand. If I were going through a divorce and my husband was using national television to comment on how I handled his misdeeds, no I wouldn’t like that. So I wish he would have chosen the more dignified path and stayed silent, allowing the story to soften with time without the puppeteering of a publicist. I’m just guessing.
On a related note, Nightline you have drifted afar since the days of Ted Koppel. I’m worried for you. The anchor’s wrap up to the segment was “There you have it. A man on the road to redemption.” Was that all you got from that? Who is writing your copy? The 19 year old intern? This isn’t a blog guys, it’s a news resource. Step up your game.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Liz: Look, Jack, I don’t have a personal life experience. But if I have learned anything from my Sims family, when a child doesn’t see his father enough, he starts to jump up and down. And then his mood level will drop, until he pees himself.
Dear Tina 