Now boys, there are only 2 MILFs left. Debra, and Deborah. But one is going home. And we will find out. After 3 more breaks!

Dear Tina,

I successfully prepared dinner for my weekly gathering in the city. I spent a good portion of my afternoon getting the meal in order and after I was done, I took some time to reflect and decided that had the menu been in the hands of one Rachel Ray, she probably could have finished it in 30 minutes. But at least I can say I honed my chopping skills a bit more through the experience.

When it came time to eat, we realized that all of the usual entertainment around which we gather was no longer on the air. Luckily we remembered that tonight was the season premiere of Top Chef. Now I’ve been a big fan of the show since season 2 when they fired the original host who had the on-camera presence of a blank green screen and replaced her with Padma who has the ability to make contestants feel really bad about themselves while smiling. A quality you can’t help but admire.

As someone who considers a well-prepared meal one where I perfectly toast my sandwich bread, I find it fascinating to see the creativity involved with cooking when you know what you’re doing. If, for example, someone told me to create a “yogurt foam,” I would stick a straw into a container of Dannon Light ‘n Fit and blow bubbles. But these people can foam just about anything and when they do it, it looks delicious. Just the sheer speed at which they think and move with so much consideration put into pairing the right flavors and textures, it has given me secondhand appreciation for the culinary arts.

The current season, season seven, takes place in Washington D.C. and if you weren’t already hooked in, I’m sure the promise of a Nancy Pelosi guest appearance during a Quick Fire Challenge will nab you. I was in and out of listening tonight so I missed some of the contestants’ biographies, but I can tell you that this competition has progressed to professional levels unheard of on most reality competition shows. Last season one of the contestants was the Chef de Cuisine at an Eric Ripert restaurant (I wouldn’t have even understood what that sentence meant until this show). This season one of the contestants is an assistant professor at the Culinary Institute of America where many of the chefs trained and only three out of the seventeen contestants are not the actual owners or executive chefs of restaurant where they work. This is no paint store employee with dreams of making it big kind of situation. It appears the more seasons they produce, the smaller the gap between Top Chef and Top Chef Masters is going to get.

On tonight’s episode, contestant John Somerville committed a cardinal sin when he used store bought dough instead of making it himself. Not a good move especially when the challenge is to create a dish that describes you and where you’re from. For this rookie mistake, John was sent home. The first challenge—that has to be brutal. This guy has been nominated for a James Beard award twice and is the chef de cuisine at fancy pants Michigan restaurant The Lark. You would think this means that the show lost a superior talent but again, the standards this season are high and every single contestant has the resume to backup their right to be on the show. Tough break John.

By the time we finished watching the recording of this episode, we were able to tune in for the last ten minutes or so of Bravo’s latest reality adventure, Work of Art. Which Bravo desperately wants you to know is executive produced by Sarah Jessica Parker. I’m sure she lost a bet to Andy Cohen or something. I don’t know how else you explain the association. In any case, my ears perked up when I sensed that we were about to hear the dismissal line for the show. It’s hard to top Heidi Klum’s “Yoh owt. Auf Wiedersehen,” but I love to see these shows try. I’m not sure how many ideas were thrown around at the production meeting but I can tell you that the producers landed on, “Your work of art is not working for us.” … … What is that? That’s what you say to your friend when she’s trying on a romper one size too small, “It’s not working for me.” I imagine there aren’t many puns involving art that could also relate to reality TV, but if that’s the problem than you should have gone the Padma route and given simple instructions. “Please pack your easel and go.” Simple as pie. Take it back SJP. Take it back and fix it.

As of right now I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get into Work of Art which is unusual for me as I can embrace virtually any program that has Andy Cohen’s stamp of approval. The whole artistic vibe just feels a little forced. Like I said, we watched for ten minutes, and even in that short amount of time there was more man-handled hair and form fitting gender neutral jeans than I’ve seen in an hour spent at Espresso Royale in Urbana. For those that don’t know that reference, think Williamsburg hipster meets middle America. It’s all very passive aggressive.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Liz: Why are you still here?
Tracy: I love it up here. It’s hot. It’s loud. There’s no pizza. It’s like Miami.

Jazz! Tap! Jitter Bug! Charleston! Interpretive! Twirl! Twirl again! Keep twirling!

Dear Tina,

With the start of the summer comes the return of one of my favorite reality TV competition shows, So You Think You Can Dance? (dance dance dance). You have to be familiar with the opening credits to get that joke so I apologize. The premise of this show, if you’re unfamiliar, is very similar to American Idol which should come as no surprise since the two shows share the same creator, Simon Fuller, and are produced by the same company, 19 Entertainment. Three seasons ago they even choreographed a dance to a song David Archuleta performed on American Idol. I would be more critical of this decision based on how I feel about David Archuleta but it turned out to be one of the best dances of the series so we give credit where credit is earned.

The new season started just one week ago and already we have moved past the auditions and onto the Las Vegas callbacks. In a spectacular use of their editors’ talents, the So You Think You Can Dance? team managed to turn a 12 day, 6 city audition tour into a mere five hours of exposition before we turned our attention fully to those who actually have enough talent to participate in the competition. This year they traveled to New York City, Miami, Los Angeles, Chicago, Dallas, and Nashville and Adam Shankman managed to wear a fitted vest for only a portion of his appearances. So already I’m seeing some character development this season. What I love about this show is the diversity in what is considered good enough to be invited to the callbacks. Sure with American Idol auditions you’ll hear a variety of tones and song choices, and some contestants are better than others, but when it comes down to it, you either sing well or you don’t. And that’s what puts you through. The standards for dance are not nearly as manicured. Those that stand out are not necessarily the ones that turn the fastest or jump the highest, but rather those who commit their bodies to telling a cohesive story between the music and the movement. With a competition like American Idol, the contestants are inherently removed from their audition piece because they’re singing a song they didn’t write, usually in a way that was predetermined for them based on the notes and lyrics. With dance, the audition is built from the ground up and relies entirely on the creativity and ability of the dancer himself.

The clip below is from this season’s auditions for So You Think You Can Dance? After making it to Las Vegas week last season, Teddy Tedholm was eliminated when he failed to meet the standards of one of the styles of dance they were presented with at callbacks. A memorable contestant despite his early dismissal, Teddy returned with an audition so brilliantly choreographed, I can think of no better example to summarize my point. And no, Adam Shankman’s heavy breathing is not lost on me.

He makes you feel something. Something more than just “I want to listen to you on my iPod!” He disturbs something with his movement that you can’t articulate, you just sense it. It is a beautiful use of talent and I love that this program gives dancers an outlet to express an art form that is so much more difficult than what those clowns are doing behind Justin Bieber.

Spoiler Alert. If you haven’t watched the second hour of the most recent episode, Teddy is eliminated during callbacks for the second year in a row. A shame, yes. But I appreciate the challenge the show presents. Sure you’re great at what you do, but can you salsa? Can you hip-hop? Can you lift a woman above your head? Because what they’re looking for is a dancer so talented and transformative that he/she can perform any style in a way that would have the audience believe they had mastered it years ago. Somedays I like to believe that I could become that dancer but then I remember that I’m nearly 24 and I barely clear a foot off the ground when I leap around my bedroom.

The producers are shaking things up this season. They’re giving the competition a Dancing With The Stars twist when they reach the top 10, introducing 10 all-star dancers from seasons past to accompany the contestants in their dances. So long as Kate Gosselin doesn’t show up in a tango costume, I’m fine with it. Also, Mia Michaels is back. This is the woman I would like to hire as my life coach so pay special attention to everything she says, and even more attention to everything she choreographs. It is outstanding.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Gerhardt: Knowing I have the love of a beautiful woman, has made me free!
Jenna: I think you just lost an eyebrow.

All of my summer replacement shows were big hits…America’s Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger Than a Dog?, M.I.L.F Island.

Dear Tina,

Well I accidentally took a three hour nap today. From 4 pm until 7 pm. So in spite of the fact that my alarm is set for 5:45 am and last night I was up until 3 am and it is currently 1:30 am, I am as alert as a baby waking up from a nap with a soiled diaper. The fact that it is approximately 1000 degrees in my bedroom is also not helping. Nor is the 1500 degree laptop on my lap. It’s just been one of those evenings. Anyway, as I continue to discuss with you the dismal television prospects of the imminent summer, I thought I would make an official list of shows you can expect to hear my opinion on from the time they premiere until September when I revert my attention back to worthy causes. The loop hole in this whole dilemma is actually cable television, that doesn’t abide by network television’s strict season schedule, and therefore has well written, well produced programming to watch even in the summer. My household has had cable for less than a year and I still wonder what we did for entertainment for the first near two dozen years of my life. Here is a list of shows I can look forward to this summer. Please feel free to bring my attention to anything you think I missed. As long as it’s not the Ashton Kutcher/Tyra Banks project True Beauty.

• So You Think You Can Dance? (hosted by my second favorite reality show Brit, Cat Deeley)
• Mad Men (brace yourself for January, or rather, my opinion of January)
• True Blood (!)
• Jersey Shore (yes this is one of the well produced cable shows I was referring to)
• The Bachelorette (blech)
• And virtually any program that airs on Bravo, but that’s nothing new.

Also, I plan on continuing my viewing of Friday Night Lights and discovering the apparent mystery gem that is Party Down. For now, I still have the American Idol finale to look forward to, three more weeks of Glee to delight in, and the poor decision to not air the new season of Parks and Recreation until mid-season to gripe about.

I should probably venture to bed now. Someone ship me a box fan.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Tracy: How many pages do we got so far?
Toofer: 5.
Tracy: Make the words bigger Toof!