You want a confession? Lets get this done so I can go eat.

Dear Tina,

Oy vey.

I wish I could tell you the reason I’ve been gone for so long is because I was studying and preparing for my conversion to Judaism. But no. I’ve just always really enjoyed the Jewish catchphrases. I find they are the perfect sentiment to convey disappointment in oneself and the situation at hand all at once.

It’s been awhile that’s for sure. I follow a blogger who once made the comment that she hates when other blog writers, who are incapable of keeping up with their blog–an activity that is fairly self-indulgent to begin with–write a long apology to their readers for not writing in awhile. As if anyone really cares.

But I am sorry.

I’m sorry because what I was doing while away was not oh so significant. My days were by no means filled with the kind of activities and stress that would prevent me from spending an hour noting the Gossip Girl costume designer’s ability to find dresses for Blake Lively with more cut-outs than a paper snowflake.

The movie I was working on this summer wrapped at the end of August. Scratch that. I am currently sitting in the production office catching up on my correspondence, with my role as Casting Associate delightfully intact through the filming of  the pick-up shots beginning next week. Yes, work with this film was supposed to wrap at the end of August, but, like a homemade sheet cake, I have trouble walking away from it.

Unlike in August, when I had a working schedule that rivaled that of medical interns, my work this fall as been much calmer and therefore certainly agreeable to blog writing. Lord knows I’ve been watching enough television to have something to say on a near minute to minute basis.

So in honor of the year’s end right at our heels, I am recommitting myself to Dear Tina.

3o Rock Quote of the Day:

Grandma Baird: It’s too soon, Andrew.
Liz: I know we tried to take it slow…
Grandma Baird: Life!  I have more I want to do.
Liz: Oh right, you.  Of course.

Look, Jack, I don’t have a lot of personal life experience, but if I have learned anything from my Sims family…

Dear Tina,

Since becoming an adult, a label I felt I deserved upon moving out of the house, I’ve purchased two pieces of furniture (neither of which I could really afford).  A five-drawer dresser and a oversized chair for the living room. For this, I pat myself on the back as though I’ve furnished myself a lifestyle. When in reality, if my roommate were to move out and take all of the items she brought with her, there would be a lot of staring at walls and sitting on laps happening in that apartment.

It’s a good start but the reality is, all things “life” related cost a hell of a lot of money. Money I for serious do not have. It is during these times of high-cost living and small-figure income, that I reflect on my own upbringing and marvel at the fact that two adults were financially responsible and successful enough to raise (and entertain) three children.

The mattress I currently sleep on was a combo birthday-house warming present provided by my parents. And it occurred to me that this was probably the fifth mattress they’ve purchased on my behalf since 1986. And that’s not all. There were dressers and hangers. New clothes every season during the growth process. Cars and carseats. Barbies and Barbie houses. Six sessions of park district soccer that were most beneficial in solidifying my place in the theatre. Chicken nuggets, birthday parties. Not to mention forking over $500+ at the end of every week to a babysitter. Not to be outdone by four years of higher education. Not to be outdone by consultations over the phone on what temperature to cook a baked potato. I guess that’s free, but still. Good Lord. Just the other night I took the train to my friend’s apartment instead of a cab in order to save $1.75.

Taking care of myself is hard. Taking care of a family? Egad. It’s an impressive feat. A selfless one at that.

So thank you mom and dad. For spreading the wealth.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Tracey Jordan: You are wise, Liz Lemon. Like a genetically manipulated shark.

Lemon, if there’s two things I’m certain of; one is that you’ll never finish that quilt.

Dear Tina,

I didn’t have much of a summer. Not in the way I had anticipated. If there’s ever a season to be unemployed, it’s summer. I envisioned spending my days going to quaint yard sales and finding really charming dessert plates for the apartment I would be moving into. I pictured myself sunning on the balcony of our house while reading literature that everyone was reading ten years ago (I read The DaVinci Code during the summer of 2006, several years after it was a #1 Bestseller. I was waiting for the controversy to settle).

I even found a little chest at a rummage sale in May that I wanted to repaint light green in my garage while listening to music that no one really has a current opinion on, like Dave Matthews Band, to keep from irritating the neighbors. Or, really, to keep them from irritating me. “Is that Glee?! My daughter LOVES Glee!” Ugh. Next you’re going to ask me if I can babysit for her this Saturday aren’t you?

But it turns out, I spent my summer getting whatever awkward tan lines accompanied whatever shirt I was wearing on any given day on set. And a plethora of bug bites. Which was extraordinarily more fulfilling.

Although, if you have any leads on cute dessert plates, I am technically still interested.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Jack: Tracy, this is wonderful. I had no idea you were interested in baseball.
Tracy: I wasn’t. My motorcycle hit a police horse. This is community service.

I’m back, Lemon. I’ve had the most productive summer of my life.

Dear Tina,

Is summer almost over? Is that what I should be anticipating right now? Because, oh my, has this not been the summer of leisure. If I have received any hint of color from the Chicago sun, it came in the form of awkward sunburns that left awkward strap and sleeve lines on my shoulders. This had the potential to be an awesome conversation starter for a summer party (not really), but when you only get one day off and the night before that day you’re done with work after midnight and the day after that day off you’re needed back at work at 6 am…well sleep takes precedent over general social needs. On a similar note, you may have noticed it has been approximately 34 days since my last post. And on top of that, there has been a total of 50 missing Dear Tina entries. Not that I envision all of my faithful readers waiting with bated breath every morning as the Dear Tina page loads (er, I do), but I do hate to disappoint. So if you return to the first day of missing entries, June 30, 2010, you will discover the first in a series of 50 posts titled “What I Learned While Not Writing Dear Tina.”

Is this cheating in my mission to write a post everyday in hopes that you, Tina, will hire me to work at 30 Rock and/or to hold your umbrella? Absolutely. Am I above minor deceit? Probs not.

We can even argue that these are not official posts as they do not have 30 Rock quotes for titles. Full disclosure: the reason for this is because finding 50 content-related quotes over the course of only a couple of days is more work than I have personal time in my day.

So enjoy the read. Hopefully it makes up for lost time. I do recommend starting on June 30 and working your way up as that was the order it was written. But either way the dates are irrelevant. As I discuss things that happened in August in July. Fine.

It’s nice to be back. I probably won’t have time to write tomorrow. Wah wah.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Liz: You provide a point of view that is essential from keeping the diversity… guy from bothering us.

50 Things I Learned While Not Writing Dear Tina

50.

I can’t wait for the fall television season to begin. 30 Rock. Glee. Virtually anything that is not on CBS. By that time hopefully I’ll be back to a routine that does not include lunch at 5 pm and dinner at midnight, and does include daily Dear Tina posts. But I’ve made these promises before…

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Jenna: Look at Dr. Baird!  How did you get a picture of him?
Liz: I told him his haircut was exactly what I’ve been trying to describe to my barber.

50 Things I Learned While Not Writing Dear Tina

49.

Remembering to put sunscreen on already sun-burned shoulders is about as effective as remembering to remove the dish towel from the stove after it has already caught on fire. You have bigger problems at this point.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Jack: I’m off to have a real Christmas; fly to Rio, tan in the nude, bet on some monkey wrestling.
Liz: Just like Norman Rockwell always drew it.  Well have a good flight.
Jack: I could fly there without a plane.

50 Things I Learned While Not Writing Dear Tina

48.

Groupon: life’s invitation for an unemployed girl to get her hands on steak-frites.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Liz: Excuse me, Mr. Weinerslave.
Jeffery: It’s pronounced “Weiner-slave.”
Liz: Ok…Jeffery…

50 Things I Learned While Not Writing Dear Tina

47.

Making friendship bracelets is, I assure you, still as fun as it was when you were 8 years old at day camp. And you look just as awesome when you wear them.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Kenneth: I feel like I’m in the Pelican Brief!  Do I already know to much?

50 Things I Learned While Not Writing Dear Tina

46.

The casting department over at ABC, in charge of selecting contestants for The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, is supposed to be looking for the cream of the crop. The casting department at MTV, on the other hand, purposefully hires train wrecks to be on their reality programming (remember the girl who had an abusive boyfriend and an eating disorder and MTV thought the healthiest path for that young lady included an open bar and a national audience?). Yet now we have the new show Bachelor Pad on ABC that invites former contestants from the Bachelor/Bachelorette series to all hang out together in a mansion and win money in their swimsuits. This group of adults has officially entered Real World/Road Rules territory. The only difference between this group of America’s brightest and most desperate and the 20 year olds is that the parents of the former probably saw the lives of their children going in a more positive direction when they attended their college graduations.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Jenna: It’s funny I’ve actually played Peter Pan on Broadway. Did you know there’s a Broadway Street in Tampa?

50 Things I Learned While Not Writing Dear Tina

45.

I went on a tour in Seattle and a majority of the tour guides had stand up comedy/improv backgrounds. All tour companies everywhere, take note. You know who can make a tour of cement hallways underneath the street level more interesting? Funny people.

30 Rock Quote of the Day:

Drew: Are you choking?  I’m a doctor.  Stay calm.  I just need to shake it loose.  Don’t panic.  I just need something to push it down with.  Do you have a chopstick or a fireplace match or something?