Dear Tina,
We have much to discuss. Let’s not waste a minute.
First, tonight while playing Dinosaur Bingo:
The 6 year old girl: I wish I was a dinosaur so I could kill you!
The 5 year old boy: If you were a dinosaur you would die.
There is nothing more delightful than when children are unknowingly as witty as adults.
Second, this week on Dear Tina will not feature a full recap of American Idol. The reason is twofold. One, as I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I was cooking during a majority of the two hour performance episode and therefore was unable to record my every criticism as I have in weeks past. Two, I just got back from my friend’s apartment, it is after midnight, and there is no room in my schedule to spit out the usual novella-length whine fest surrounding Tim Urban’s hair and Aaron Kelly’s childlike annoyingness.
Which brings me to my very important point number three. As I was driving my friend home tonight he asked if I had written my Dear Tina post for the day yet. I told him no and then commented to myself that I have a tendency to include in many a post how late it is or how tired I am. His response, a very casual “Yes, you do.” So I am putting an end to that. If it is 4 in the morning or 4 in the afternoon you will never know because you don’t need to know and I didn’t start this blog to get a sympathy card from Tina Fey sending her condolences for my lack of sleep. Unless, Tina, you have intended to fold an employment contract into said card, I am not after your sympathy. I am after whatever emotion or sentiment is attached to the thought “Hey! This girl could really shine over on team 30 Rock!” She would Tina. Like a bright star she would shine. And she might even throw in free babysitting on the weekend.
Next, if I’m not going to address the performance episode of American Idol, I should at least acknowledge the results show because boy was it a doozy. For the first time in three weeks a woman was not sent home, so that was promising. Although after Siobhan showed up in leftover wardrobe options from the set of The Wedding Singer, I can’t argue that I would have missed her had she been voted off. No, the big news tonight was that Michael Lynche and Andrew Garcia were in the bottom two. Unfortunately in just a week’s time I fell back off the Andrew Garcia bandwagon and I am now resolved to remain off with the acknowledgement that in the future there may be a performance or two I will enjoy. But, no, I can no longer consider myself a cheerleader of Andrew’s success. However, of the nine we have left, these two were not the ones we should consider letting go. I shake my fist at you America. You know who I blame? Simon. You look at Tim Urban and you think “lost cause.” He can’t sing worth a nickel, he’s annoying and he responded to the question “Why do you smile so much?” with the answer “Because I like to make other people smile.” Um, this is American Idol not a callback for 7th Heaven. But Simon had to go ahead last night and encourage him and deem his performance a marked improvement from weeks past. Even if this were true, which is largely debatable, you can’t confuse middle America like that. You are now validating the votes he has received thus far which will only encourage more voting in his favor. We all know that no matter what comes out of his mouth, he’s the worst one and frankly he should be reminded of that until America gets a clue and puts an end to the madness. Sure enough, Tim was as safe as Macaulay Culkin hiding in the nativity scene in Home Alone.
Aaron Kelly, once again dressed like a kid performing in a music video for Kidz Bop, rounded out the bottom three but was quickly sent safely back to the couch. So as I mentioned we had Big Mike and Andrew Garcia in the bottom two and to everyone’s surprise I’m sure, Big Mike was given the official ax. But wait! Spoiler Alert! The judges used their one save a season on Michael Lynche so next week we will once again have nine contestants but TWO people will be going home. So good news for Michael but in reality the whole concept of a save is ridiculous. We have learned from last night’s results that America does not love Michael the way we thought we did, and certainly not as much as Michael thought we did so he’s not going to win. He can leave now, when America asked him to, or in two or three weeks. Or, next week. Either way, when it comes down to the finale, the judges’ save will have made no difference. Also, American Idol sights their reason for wanting to add the judges’ save to avoid upsets like when Jennifer Hudson or Chris Daughtry went home earlier than expected. But in these two most famous instances, Jennifer Hudson was not a fan favorite so no one should have been that surprised she went home (I believe the surprise came later when she won an Oscar) and Chris Daughtry was eliminated when there were only four contestants left so the judges’ save could not have been applied to him anyway as it must be used before the top 5 performers are decided. Really the entire concept was not a well thought out plan; a clear sign that the producers latched on to the idea thinking it could potentially rejuvenate the format of the long running show. Well good for Big Mike. Now we get to see him perform again and then get eliminated again. It’s like Groundhog’s Day. If Bill Murray was a big, burly black man.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Jack: What are you doing?
Tracy: Payback. For the way your treated me. You used me!
Jack: God, It’s like dating Katie Couric all over again. I didn’t use you, I created a situation that could have been mutually beneficial and you blew it.
Dear Tina 