Dear Tina,
The number of contestants on American Idol is finally starting to dwindle significantly. Great news for me as it means I have less work to do on Wednesdays. This week was Inspiration Week with guest mentor Alicia Keys. Not the most inspirational singer I can think of but I guess Enrique Iglesias was busy. Onto the performances.
Casey James, Don’t Stop by Fleetwood Mac. Casey returned this week well rested after spending the majority of his time in between performances in a tanning booth. Holy orange skin, did you get confused and think you were suddenly competing on Dancing With The Stars? You’re from Texas–the sun-kissed look was working much better for you. The judges were less than pleased with Casey’s performance. Ellen reminded Casey that the competition is getting to the stage where she has to start getting tougher. “Someone is going home every week.” Well, yes, but it’s kind of been like that for awhile now but I hear what you’re saying. Kara criticized Casey for making himself sound like everybody else and said for the umpteenth time this season that she was really “frustrated.” Your role as judge is to be objective so please, was it good or bad and why, spare us your inner turmoil. Simon noted that the song wasn’t exactly inspirational, which unfortunately is true. It’s the kind of song you’d put on a playlist for a cocktail party if you wanted all music selections to be neutral.
Lee DeWyze, The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel. Praise from the judges (ie “I could see that being on your record.” or “This is you in your element.”) often feels insincere or hyperbolized in the context of the performance. Take Tim Urban’s performance during Elvis week. The judges acted like singing one song slightly above average actually made him a contender in a competition that is looking for a music superstar. But last night when Simon told Lee that he made his rendition of “The Boxer” sound like it was something written a week ago, it was a spot on critique worthy of this performance. Lee transformed the folk rock hit into an edgier, acoustic rock version that encapsulated Lee as an artist. So much so that had you never heard the original, you never would have guessed it was a Simon and Garfunkel song. Yet he still maintained the emotion and, for the sake of the theme, inspiration tied to the song’s lyrics and musicality. Randy commented that “This season is really about artists.” Hold your horses there Randy. This season is really about mediocrity, you just have contestants like Lee and Crystal there to give you hope that there is still enough talent left in the country for this show to stay relevant until your contract is up.
Tim Urban, Better Days by The Goo Goo Dolls. If you can’t inspire America with a Goo Goo Dolls song, that’s like a preacher not being able to inspire his congregation with The Bible. How hard can it be to trigger an emotional response when you’re singing about praying for the world’s children to have a more peaceful future? Well I’ll tell you it becomes a lot harder when your audience is too distracted by your inability to stay on pitch to even consider the children. And that’s where Tim falters a bit. Er, a lot. Kara told Tim that this style of music (meaning the use of an acoustic guitar) is where he belongs but it wasn’t his best execution. There was nothing complicated about this piece, not a single note outside the kid’s comfort zone, so if he can’t execute this well, then what exactly are we waiting for? Ellen, keen on the metaphors, compared Tim to the soup of the day: “sometimes I like the soup and sometimes I don’t like the soup.” I like where Ellen is going with this because I hate soup so when I see the soup of the day I say “pass.”
Aaron Kelly, I Believe I Can Fly by R. Kelly. The only thing I learned about Aaron during Inspiration Week is that he is a fan of the movie Space Jam and/or Michael Jordan. Well, who isn’t so once again Aaron you have proved yourself unremarkable and unmemorable. In case it has slipped your memory, I Believe I Can Fly is the theme song from Space Jam and also apparently the theme song from Aaron’s preschool graduation. A nugget of information disclosed by Aaron after his performance. Sigh. Kara used a flight/airplane metaphor to describe his performance, something about a bumpy take-off. Simon more succinctly said that if he had heard that on the radio he would have turned it off after ten seconds. Think of it as the Plain White T’s effect.
Siobhan Magnus, When You Believe by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston. Really? You didn’t want to go for the song that included all of the former divas from Divas Live? You thought two might be more subtle and invite less comparison? I’m sure all of my questions will be answered by Siobhan herself in no less than 2000 words. I don’t know why Siobhan is the only contestant who feels the need (and is allowed) to respond to the judges’ critiques by way of an emotional diatribe on par with Norma Rae’s but we need to shut that down. To make matters worse, or better if you like plastic butterflies hanging off your clothes, the outfit Siobhan was wearing looked like she was promoting absinthe at a college bar. Kara offered this gem of a critique likely to put Siobhan on the fast track to music stardom: “I’m starting to feel like I’d want to hang out with you more than buy your record.” Oh. Ok, so…do you have plans this Friday? With Siobhan, what once felt like originality, now feels overthought and self-conscious. This articulation of how brave she thinks she is when it comes to song choice feels like a guilt trip to keep her in the competition. This isn’t Project Runway, you don’t get to have a conversation about your work. You get to smile and nod at the judges and then show us the number to call with your fingers as if we were mute kindergartners like everyone else does.
Michael Lynche, Hero by Nickelback. I’m sorry, did you not get the memo on Nickelback Mr. Lynche? Their association with the music industry can only be explained by every industry’s desire for a scapegoat as well as their complacency in being ruthlessly mocked for writing lyrics like “Look at this photograph/Everytime I do it makes me laugh.” Shudder. Simon didn’t have much to say regarding Michael’s singing. All he knew was that the song was from Spiderman and as far as he was concerned that made the selection unforgivable. Michael argued that it’s not just about Spiderman because we’re all heroes…on the inside…or something. Although I’m fine with the judges using their only save on Michael (as long as nothing horrific happens over the next two weeks like the early dismissal of Lee or Crystal), when he performs I usually see it as an opportunity to go to the bathroom or refill my water glass. Like a commercial break. If a commercial break had a neck the width of my bed frame.
Crystal Bowersox, People Get Ready by Curtis Mayfield. Clearly the producers of American Idol had their heads screwed back on straight after last week, because Crystal returned to her rightful spot as the show’s closer with an original and emotional performance that brought her to tears. It truly was in a class of its own with Crystal taking ownership of the stage and singing with the ease and confidence of a seasoned professional. She continues to interpret each week’s theme with an effort that will cater to her strengths as a performer. She is like no other contestant we have seen in Idol‘s nine season history because her appeal isn’t about belting high notes or being the object of a 12 year old’s affection. She is the only contestant I can remember who seems genuinely motivated by a passion for music as opposed to a desire for opportunity and fame. I hope she wins it all. I believe when she is finally given the opportunity to do her own thing and can pretend the week of Elvis covers were just a bad dream, she will come out with an album that adequately conveys the depth of her relationship with music. On another note, her mic stand from home that finally arrived in Hollywood and was used during her performance, looked like a bong. I’m just saying, there are kids watching.
As you can probably tell based on when this post finally showed up on Dear Tina, this was written after the results show. Tim Urban was sent home. He didn’t get to perform. That time was spent listening to celebrities subtly promote their movies (Queen Latifah and Common making introductions together a coincidence? No.) while overtly promoting malaria-awareness in Africa during Idol Give Back. Well, good luck to you Tim. You now have quite an impressive resume–I’m sure when you return to college there will be a student director ready to snatch you up for the Student Union production of Hair.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Tracy: Hello, is anyone there? I’m in a dark tunnel, and I see a man with a blue uniform. I think he’s a friend. Oh never mind, there’s a door. Oh! It’s sunny!
Dear Tina 