Dear Tina,
It seems like just yesterday I was fretting over what to do with my Thursday nights during another long hiatus between all-new episodes of 30 Rock but before I knew it, it was April 22nd and after spending the day littering and leaving the shower running just to warm up the bathroom, I returned home to my favorite night of comedy.
Although I missed Parks and Recreation and look forward to its return next week, it’s hard to complain when in its place was one of two new episodes of 30 Rock airing tonight. This first episode, titled “Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter” had Jack all ready to begin a life of adventure and wild parties with MSNBC personality and lady love Avery Jessup. But no sooner does Jack assert the benefits of a drama-free life than his high school sweetheart Nancy Donovan–who he has been courting since Christmas!–enters his office announcing her divorce. And what do you do when there are two gorgeous women willing to fill the void that causes your anxiety to flare up on lonely Sunday nights? Why, you date them both until you can make a decision based on the the gifts they get you for your birthday and how you’d rather spend your evenings: at black tie events or eating wheat crackers with someone suffering from the “night bloats.”
On the surface, Avery is the perfect companion for Jack’s lifestyle that is all about business and networking. She knows the same people, she enthusiastically attends the same parties, and her instinct to dress like a slutty Grace Kelly isn’t exactly something to shy away from. But to this there is a downside–Avery is even more flippant about Jack than he is her. He is as disposable to her as the $10,000 she bet on the former mayors in the beer pong tournament: New York Yankees vs. former mayors. She assures him that their age difference doesn’t bother her but in the backhanded way that indicates she thinks he should be grateful just to have her. Their chemistry has no foundation to develop into a relationship that can provide Jack with what he truly wants and that is a woman who needs him. Right when it appears Jack is on the cusp of choosing Nancy, Avery shows up and gifts him with the cufflinks Reagan was buried in, and he is more confused than ever.
Nancy’s long history with Jack keeps her in the running even though it becomes clearer to him as they spend time together that they have very little in common. In Nancy’s case, coming to the door in flannel pajama bottoms tucked into Ugg boots might be something for Jack to shy away from. But when they’re out to dinner, Nancy gives Jack a birthday present that reminds him what Nancy has always meant to him. The gift, saltwater taffy in the flavor the two invented (peanut butter and Miller High Life) when they spent their summers together working at Cape Bilge. Jack has waited his whole life to be with Nancy but in comes Avery who refers to him as a “sex-ecutive” and it becomes more difficult to follow his heart.
So the gifts become a symbol of Jack’s conflict: adventure vs. nostalgia, young vs. old, a Republican icon vs. PB&Beer. How do you decide? You don’t. You let the conflict carry over into the next episode, just like Jack did.
Meanwhile, Liz Lemon has vowed to participate in all of the singles events being hosted by the YMCA near her apartment. On the night of the singles wine and cheese tasting (“or as I like to call it singles fart suppression”), Nancy accompanies Liz, per Jack’s request, and recommends becoming more positive and open-minded if Liz is ever going to find a man. Nancy suspects that it is Liz’s pessimism that makes her unapproachable. Liz concedes that if she needs to be less abrasive, stop looking for what she doesn’t want, and start asking for what she does want. So in an effort to embrace this new attitude, Liz approaches a singles dodgeball participant (whom she previously accosted for a rule violation) and tells him what she wants from her partner. She lists the following and I slowly become more comfortable with the fact that Liz Lemon may in fact be my doppleganger:
- I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother.
- I want someone who likes musicals but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching Lost.
- I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame and strip clubs are gross.
- I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed, like I do.
- I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn Disney prince.
- I want him to genuinely like me, even when I’m old.
I would change Lost to Glee and add “someone who would be accepting of a gay child.” Then, we’re pretty much the same. Oh, I’m also pretty good about emptying dishwashers.
Back at 30 Rock, when Tracy was defending his argument that racism is making a comeback (“Barry Obams is the one who brought it back!”), he said it best:
Oh yeah, just ask the black guy because we all know each other…Pete could you tell a bald eagle to stop scaring me at zoos?
Tomorrow, a recap of the second episode that I am now going to rewatch due to various distractions around me when it originally aired. Also, a little background on the quote of the day. The character Toofer, who quit during the episode when he found out he was only hired under affirmative action and later agreed to go back to work, got his nickname because for the writing staff he was a two for one: a black guy and a Harvard guy.
30 Rock Quote of the Day:
Toofer: As a condition, I have requested that I no longer be called Toofer.
Frank: Great! New nickname suggestions. Go!
Liz: Victoria Q. Nerdballs.
Jenna: Kanye East.
Frank: Super Virgin.
Tracy: Splock. Short for Black Spock.
Pete: Threefer, cause you’re also gay.
Dear Tina 